- Gender and Relationships
Top 5 Misunderstood Signs a First Date May be Doomed
Is There an Easy Way to Determine if a First Date Just Won't End Well?
Unless you're an expert on recognizing and identifying facial expressions and body language, it's going to be hard to tell just what's going on inside someone's head. This is especially true of first dates.
While you may rely on your intuition or sense other "signals" that send certain messages about what people are thinking, there may be a good chance you are wrong.
Sometimes, a signal or sign that may seem to indicate something bad could actually indicate your date is going quite well.
The 5 Signs a Date May NOT be Doomed After All
Note: While these signs typically be interpreted as a first date killer, they may indicate something good is happening…
Misunderstood Sign #1: Extreme Nervousness
Just because someone is nervous or seems uncomfortable does not mean there is something wrong with them. Initial nervousness or uneasiness may mean your date really likes you and is somewhat intimidated. Some people are just nervous when they meet someone for the first time.
First dates are especially stressful for certain people. A friend of mine tells a story about his first date with a gorgeous woman and how he was so nervous because she was so beautiful. She thought my friend was just strange as he sat there stammering and sweating all through dinner. Lucky for him, she gave him another chance. They're still married and have children today.
How to Respond: Try to put your date at ease, show them you are compassionate. Let your date know that you understand what they are going through and how they feel. Make eye contact, take some deep breaths and smile - this should help to make your date feel more at ease and comfortable.
Misunderstood Sign #2: The Argument
A friend of mine went on a first date with a fellow coworker. When they arrived at the restaurant, they began to talk about all the things people typically talk about on first dates. The conversation gradually meandered toward the political realm and they discovered they had very different opinions. A tiny, quiet argument quickly turned into an all out fight and the sparks began to fly.
While an argument may seem like a bad sign it may signal that there is actually passion between the two of you. People that feel very passionately about things make great conversationalists. Interesting conversation can keep the relationship alive. One thing is for sure - if you get into a relationship with a person like this, it will most likely never be boring.
How to Respond: Whenever you get in an argument with anyone, it's always best to remain calm and really listen to what the other person is trying to say. Agree to disagree but be reasonable. You may actually find that you both agree on some things and find a common ground.
Misunderstood Sign #3: Seeing Other People
Sometimes, a date will drop this bomb on you: "I'm just out of a nasty breakup and I'm seeing other people right now."
Some folks would see this as an absolute first date-killer, however, it may signal something completely different. This could be a sign that your date is actually being open and honest with you - looking to put it all out there to see how you will respond. Your date could feel that they do not want to mislead you or lead you on in any way.
Starting out with total honesty is a good sign. If you decide to pursue a relationship, wouldn't you want to know if there are any hidden secrets or surprises ahead? Being honest tells you something about the character of a person - they may actually respect you enough to not keep anything from you.
How to Respond: Tell your date that you appreciate their honesty and forthrightness. Caveat: Being honest is fine. Being too honest may signal something is not right. If your date tells you they have cheated on every person with whom they have ever had a relationship, it may be best to run - not walk - to the nearest exit.
Misunderstood Sign #4: The Interview
Being in a job interview is pretty tough. Being interviewed by a first date is just awful. As bad as it may seem, that first date interview may be a sign that good things are just around the corner.
Most folks are simply nervous and may not know what to say - so they start asking questions. Hey, at least they're showing some interest, right?
The interview date is a difficult situation because there's really no real conversation, especially if the interview is one-sided. Most people get through this interview chit-chat quickly and are then able to relax and let the real conversation begin.
How to Respond: If you're the victim of a first date interview, turn the tables and start asking your date some questions. If you go on a second date, opt for a movie or someplace where the two of you cannot talk during the entire time.
Misunderstood Sign #5: No Goodnight Kiss
This has become the almost universal symbol of a doomed first date - the absence of a good night kiss. Well, as it turns out, maybe not.
I know this one to be true from my own experience. You can never really be sure what is going on in the other person's mind when you're at the end of a first date.
My first several dates with a fellow student in college ended with a cool hug and no kiss. The reason? One of my good friends had told me they were engaged to be married to the person I was dating. For me that meant a "hands-off" policy - no goodnight kiss.
I was head-over-heels for this person but respected the established boundaries of my friend. Turns out they were never engaged and when I did find out, we spent a great deal of time kissing after that.
Some folks think it's just not respectful to kiss on the first date. Some may think it too forward and that it may send the wrong signal. Others may simply be too nervous. Whatever the reason, the lack of a goodnight kiss may not be a sign that the first date is doomed.
How to respond: Be on the watch for other tell-tale signs of attraction like eye contact, body language, giving you their undivided attention or making you feel like you're very special.
The Bottom Line on Misunderstood Signs on a First Date
Don't put too much stock in signals or signs. Listen to your heart but also use your head - it's a potent combination for determining if someone is attracted to you. Don't read too much into anything someone may or may not do. Getting to know one another is what first dates are all about.
I say that the only possible good thing a first date is good for is to find out if there will be a second date. People these days are too eager to jump into a physical relationship too quickly. Let me tell you, that is no way to begin or maintain a long-term, fulfilling relationship. There has to be more than just physical attraction. As my Granny used to say, "There has to be something to hold a relationship together when the plumbing falls out."
Basically, very sound advice if you are looking for a lasting relationship. In my case, the "engagement" kept me from getting physical at first and allowed both of us time to become good friends first. That so-called "first-date killer" sign may be the very thing that saved our relationship and why we're still happily married today. We celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this month.