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Top Ten Ways to be a Better Partner

Updated on February 2, 2017
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer and teacher. Her goal is to help people to transform their lives from the inside out. Live your best life now.


How Can I Get a Better Partner?

In relationships, people often see numerous ways their partner could change to make them happy.

Whether it's a friendship, "I wish she would stop talking about herself all the time and let me say something once in a while,"

A relationship, "If he would only help me with the kids, then I wouldn't have to be so annoyed all the time,"

Or a business partnership, "If she would just get her job done, then I could move forward on this project,"

People are looking for ways to make their partner better. The best way to GET a better partner is to BE a better partner.

Following are ten easy things you can do to make yourself a better partner for the people around you.

Be Quiet!

10. Stop Talking. There is a time to talk and a time to listen. To be a better partner, practice your listening skills. Give your undivided attention and look at your partner as he or she speaks to you. Hold your questions, but stay engaged in what they are saying.

If there is an argument or disagreement brewing, saying nothing at all is sometimes the best answer. In some heated situations, there is nothing you can do to resolve the discord. Instead of trying to talk your way out of or around a painful or difficult situation, allow the other person the space to speak their own peace.

Not every problem requires a solution. Sometimes your partner just needs to complain, or to feel like someone hears him or her. Rather than offering solutions and fixes, just lend an ear, and allow them to vent.


Be Nice!

9. Be kind to your partner. There are always people who will point our your flaws and mistakes. In a strong relationship, it is important that each person feels respected and accepted.

Speak kindly to your partner. There is no need for harshness. Don't be kinder to strangers than you are to your partner.

Do little things that will make life easier. Does your coworker need copies made? Has your partner had a long week, and could you take charge of dinner? Is your friend struggling, and needs a shoulder to lean on?

Kindness comes in many forms, from gentle words to thoughtful actions. The best thing about being kind is that it doesn't cost anything but a moment of mindfulness.

Be Respectful!

8. Show your partner how much you appreciate them. Everyone wants to feel recognized and valued for their contribution.

Make a point of noticing and remarking on the positive things your partner does. Whether it is in business, friendship, or love, find something good to notice. Point it out. Tell your partner how much you appreciate all they do.

It's always easy to point out flaws and mistakes. Instead of looking for what is wrong in your relationship, find things that you appreciate.


Be Considerate!

7. Walk carefully among those you love. Show care and concern for your partner. Don't deliberately try to create inconvenience for them. Instead, look for ways to show you care.

Do something helpful. Anticipate their needs and desires, and see how you can fulfill a need without being asked. Surprise your partner with something they would like, but would never expect.

Be Humble!

6. Take yourself off the pedestal. You are not the most important person in the relationship. It takes two to form a partnership. You are not more important, but you can be equally important.

Instead of always insisting on being correct. It is always better to be kind than to be right, and always being right might lead you to always be alone.

Humility also includes admitting your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions. When you're wrong, take credit. When you're right, be quiet.

Be Helpful!

5. Make yourself useful. If you open your eyes and look around, there is always a way to serve someone else.

Wake up.

Look around.

How can you help?

Find something to do to make his life a little easier, and then do it. Don't be grudging and angry when you serve, but choose to help with alacrity.


Be Honest!

4. Be truthful in word and deed. Telling the truth is more than not lying. It is not deceiving. Being honest requires transparency with what you say and what you do.

Telling half-truths and little white lies will only erode your relationship. Rather than cloak the truth in falsehood, be brave enough, strong enough and wise enough to be honest.

If you are ashamed of your words or behavior, then how can your partner trust you?

Feeling safe in a relationship requires honest, open communication. And don't lie, thinking that you will spare someone's feelings. Instead, speak your truth with kindness and love. In that way, you honor yourself and your partner.

Let's Be Honest

How Honest Are You, Really?

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Be Strong!

3. Confidence is attractive. You do not have to be a victim in your life. And you can be strong enough to say no to things you don't want.

When you have the strength of your convictions, your partner will respect you, and you will respect yourself.

Don't beat yourself up over every perceived flaw. Pull up your big girl panties, and get on with life. Sure, it's hard sometimes. The good news is, you don't have to accomplish everything today.

Hold your chin up, straighten up your back, breathe deeply and smile. You've got this.

How to Find and Be a Good Partner

Be Forgiving!

2. Let it go. Everyone makes mistakes. You do. I do. Your partner does. My partner does. No one is perfect. Something will go wrong. It is inevitable.

Rather than holding a grudge and grumbling for the next five years about the mistakes of the past, forgive your partner. Let go of what has happened and embrace what is happening now.

Forgive yourself. Your past is past. It is over and done. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past. You can forgive yourself for your mistakes and move forward, trying to learn our lessons along the way.

Forgive others. Forgive yourself. When you do this, then you will be a good partner.

Be Responsible!

1. Own your stuff. You do you. That's it. You can only control yourself. You cannot control or change your partner, so stop trying.

Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming, whining, crying. You are not a victim. You are in charge of your life. Take control of yourself. Own it. Be responsible and move forward.

To be a good partner, you must first be true to yourself. Know yourself, be honest, and take responsibility for your actions and the results of those actions. When you own up, you free your partner to find themselves, not only in the relationship, but also within their own life.


Being a Good Partner Takes Work and Thought

Being a good partner isn't always easy. There's a lot to think about and lots of stuff to remember. The best thing you can do to be a better partner is to be the kind of person you would like to be with.

Be thoughtful and kind. Be helpful and compassionate. Be forgiving and humble. But most of all, be yourself and be happy.

Namaste, friends


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