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Top Three Reasons Older Women Resent the Younger Wives of Older Men

Updated on October 22, 2015
Image is in the public domain
Image is in the public domain

You’ve found the man of your dreams and you’re perfect for each other, nothing could be better. He’s a bit older than you, but together you’ve braved the opinions of friends, family, and casual acquaintances because together you have all the acceptance you need. Then another adversary pops up that you might not have expected…women that are in the same age group as your husband/significant other. Even those who were previously friendly have, for some unknown reason, started turning catty and nit-pick at your every fault. What exactly is their problem?

While it’s certainly not all older women, there are some that will show a marked dislike for the younger wife of an older man. Not all of these are overtly hostile, but may take an inordinate amount of pleasure in fault-finding or attempting to show up the younger woman…even if the man in question means little or nothing to them. There are, no doubt, a vast number of reasons for this kind of behavior, but here are the three that this author has found through personal experience to be the most prevalent.

“Am I Really THAT Old?”

Nobody likes getting old…especially if there’s something they perceive as reminding them that they’re getting old. Nothing rubs salt in the wound quite so much as seeing a man crow and fawn over his wife – who is 20 years their junior. And it certainly doesn’t help if they’ve already made the mistake of complimenting their male co-worker on his “lovely daughter.” You hear that things get better with age, but some women think that only applies to the men, and that they’re slowly deteriorating beyond the point of desirability. In most cases this isn’t true, but that doesn’t stop self-esteem issues from convincing older women otherwise…especially if they’re trying to compare themselves to their 20-year-younger self that a younger woman reminds them they’re not anymore.

“You’re a Homewrecker” (the one in my life was)

Behind every man-hating woman…there’s probably a darn good reason. Any woman who has lost a husband or significant other to that “pretty young thing” may perceive that younger woman as a homewrecker, and often rightly so. However, the perception tends to then expand to all younger women who are in a relationship with older men, regardless of the man’s marital status before the couple met.

“All the Good Ones are Gone” (and it’s your fault)

How many single women over 40 feel like they have a good chance of ever finding that “perfect man” and settling down to grow old with him? For most, the feeling seems to be that there’s a very good reason that the only men who are still single, are single. Sure, there are plenty of drunks, druggies, and deadbeats left for them to choose from, but every good husband and family man they see already has his own wife and kids. Then along comes a good, hardworking, straight single man…and one of those aforementioned “pretty young things” snivels him up and settles down, even though her own age group is still overflowing with bright young men who are just getting ready for serious commitment.


This does not in any way imply that all 40+ women are going to see those women in their 20s who’ve settled down with men in their 50s as “encroaching on their territory,” but this line of thinking does seem to permeate the ranks of bitter divorcees, middle-aged spinsters, and the unhappily married. While it’s easy to look at a situation and judge it to be socially incorrect or unacceptable, it is a whole other story when you begin to look at exactly why you may feel that way…maybe it’s personal experience, or maybe it’s just a preconceived notion of how the world is meant to run and the behaviors that should exist in society.


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    • wychic profile image

      Rebecca Mikulin 7 years ago from Sheridan, Wyoming

      That bit I haven't had any firsthand experience with, though my guess would be that younger women aren't yet feeling the pressure of a lack of options, so they wouldn't mind giving up one of their younger men so much ;). As for resolving the issue...I'm beginning to think that it will just be an ongoing theme in my life, and have learned to either ignore it or derive entertainment from it. Luckily since I work at home I don't have to deal directly with the people who inspired this article very much, so they don't really bother me :D.

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      LOL! Great hub. What about a woman who marries a younger man? Is there a similar jealous rage going among younger women who believe their opportunities are being whittled away? Thanks for the fun read. Hope you have resolved this situation in your life, if it is an issue.