Top Ways to Avoid Divorce
What would you say is the leading factor for divorce?
Divorce is an Ugly Word
They say the 100% most effective way to avoid having a divorce... is never get married!
Divorce is an ugly situation for anyone to have to go through. This hub is intended to give information to plan ahead, avoid divorce, and be on the road to a successful marriage.
In regards to divorce, here are some of the most preventive pieces advice I can give:
1.) The divorce rate odds drop for couples the older they get when they first get married. The 18-21 range is the most likely to divorce; at 25 being married for the first time drops drastically. Being married for the first time at 30 has an incredibly low percentage, perhaps around 2-5%. Wait till you'll older, have a better grasp of your finances, have gone through a few battles, and are mentally prepared. Marriage is a really serious adult deal that goes beyond just love, feelings, and good times. You have to be there with people during the bad times, whether sickness or calamity.
2.) The more education you have will help prevent a divorce. Those with only high school degrees are more likely to get a divorce than those with bachelor's... or even higher of education. Before getting married, consider your education levels. It helps when people have the same amount of education.
3.) Having the same religious beliefs helps marriages. It is much more challenging to keep a relationship steady if one person is of one faith while the other believes something else. This will make having a common thread all the more challenging. This is something that can be overcome, but it can create tension or unnecessary arguments. Peace is a blessing in a marriage.
4.) Having the same opinions and lifestyles about smoking helps. It is hard on a non-smoker to date and be with a smoker.
5.) The more times you divorce the more likely you'll divorce. The odds go up for people who have a second marriage to have a third marriage and so forth. But don't write off all people who have been divorced. Bad things happen, and almost half of the U.S. population divorces.
6.) Having financial stability helps marriage. Be more set in your careers or at least have a strong sense of how you want to budget your money. Tip: live with less. The United States is addicted to having a lifestyle of excess -- if you can cut out how many material goods you need, you'll save more which will help in the long run. Don't become too addicted to lessening your material goods as this can also put a strain on marriages in becoming an annoyance and causing people to be deprived.
7.) Continue to go on dates while married. Don't get into an old rut. Continue to romance each other. Connect with each other emotionally, not just for household practicalities.
8.) Avoid unnecessary drama and arguments. Learn to deal with conflict as problem solvers; you are the same team or unit. Don't antagonize each other. You need to work together and minimize conflict. Don't be bored and cause drama for the sake of attention.
9.) Do not get into extra marital affairs. You will break each other's trust. Don't do hall passes, swinging, one night stands, affairs, all of it. Infidelity will hurt you in so many ways and is expensive. You could also be bringing in sexually transmitted diseases to your family, not just your spouse, but carry it over to children that are born. Make a commitment and stand by it not to window shop for love.
10.) Avoid bringing drugs into your marriage. Drugs makes you an unstable person, it can be expensive, send people to jail, and also kill you. Don't bring that into your partner's life either.
11.) Avoid pornography as this can lead to unwanted addictions. Pornography reportedly can cause a drop in libido.
12.) Be cognizant of abuse. If someone abuses alcohol this can end up creating problems that lead to verbal and physical abuse. Take control of your habits, don't let your habits control you or become you.
13.) Those who wait to have sex till their wedding night (even though this is a small percentage of people) report that they tend to have stronger communication bonds, happier marriages, and that biology found itself anyway.
14.) Be positive. Say fives times as more positive things as negative. If you are the center of negative energy, your mate will end up deciding it would be best to live without you.
15.) Do things together. Travel to places you have never been and try new experiences. This will push the two of you to become closer as you work through the situation. It gives you unique shared experiences.
16.) Remember inside jokes and bring up times you laughed together. Write these down if you need to so that you can bring them up at a later date.
17.) Remember birthdays and other holidays. Use apps or calendars to remember these dates and plan ahead to have an outpouring of love or giving of gifts.
18.) Have sex at least twice a week -- this strengthens the bond.
19.) Don't use the bed for playing on your computer or eating breakfast. Use it for rest and your partner.
20.) Budget your money. Outstanding expenses will cause a marriage to fall a part. Save your money, invest, and don't buy things you really don't need or will rarely use.
21.) Your spouse comes before your kids. If your spouse isn't going to make a good parent and know the importance of a spouse, this may become an area of jealously, backlashing, and isolation.
22.) Read books together. YOU NEED SHARE ACTIVITIES! Common interests, ahoy!
23.) Communicate. Do not make executive decisions alone.
24.) Stand up for each other. Avoid nitpicking and verbal abuse. You are a team, you're not against each other.
25.) Be willing to help each other out when one or the other of you is sick.
26.) Prepare the husband when the wife is pregnant and nursing. This can be one of the most difficult times in a marriage when a husband has his wife less.
27.) Give each other hugs and other non-sexual touches daily.
28.) Avoid complaining about your marital problems to the wrong people. Do not broadcast your marital problems on social media.
29.) Respect each others differences. You will not agree on everything.
30.) Be tolerant of your spouses family members. Do not add insult to injury. We all have strange family members we prefer not to see.
31.) Co-habitating before marriage has a lower percentage rate of success in marriage than those who do not live with each other prior.
32.) Be open to ideas, be open to change, and be open to helping and cleaning out.
33.) Marriages where both spouses split their time evenly with work and household work are more compassionate toward each other.
34.) Cut off connections of previous relations. You don't need to be in constant contact with your exes.
35.) Say "I love you" often.
36.) Congratulate each other on successes whether with a new job or something smaller.
37.) Be open to going to a counselor. Talk to each other before marriage so that if things get rocky, you would talk to a counselor.
One of the more simple ways to keep a marriage alive is to understand the five love languages and how that plays a part in your relationship. Everyone growing up develops a different love language with which they see the world. If you can understand your spouses, then that's the best preferred way to communicate love to them to where they understand it. Everyone is different, so try to figure out where your love interest lights up the most.
The five love languages are:
1. Touch -- this would be someone who likes holding hands, lots of kisses, hugs, affection.
2. Words of affirmation -- compliments will make the person feel assured of your love.
3. Gifts -- making a point to get the best gifts that show you understand the person will help.
4. Quality time -- this kind of person just wants you to be present in their life, spend time with them directly and not indirectly.
5. Acts of service -- this is someone who would love if you took the initiative to wash their car or take out the trash.
Don't be too hard on yourself if you need a divorce. There are a lot of solid good reasons that ending a marital union is a good idea. You don't want to stay in an abusive relationship. This ca harm you and those you love. Be forgiving, but also, somethings are not going to change. A person who has a history of domestic violence or sexual infidelity isn't going to change overnight. You know your situation better than anyone else, so don't be afraid to stand up for a divorce if that is what is better for you in the long run. Make sure your reasons are solid divorce and that if there is a way that you can save the marriage, then do so. Saving your marriage will be less of a headache than splitting all your possessions down the middle, along with funds, and children.
Divorce isn't easy for anybody, unless they're an emotional psychopath. If you are heading toward divorce, seek support. Get counseling, find friends, and stay active. Don't lose your health over it; good things are still ahead in your future so don't shut yourself down just for the sake of it. You are still capable of having a long, healthy, and happy marriage. Learn what you can from the past, and move forward with your life. Don't let a bad marriage hold you back from living your life. Do what you can to compromise, reinvent, and revolutionize your relationship.
© 2014 Andrea Lawrence