- Gender and Relationships
Topics You Should Avoid on a First Date
Top 5 No-no's
Because trial and error isn't the best way to approach dating, I have compiled a comprehensive list of topics you shouldn't talk about on a first date- perhaps the first few dates.
Some general tips about what is acceptable conversation are positive and neutral topics. Making the other person happy to be around you will score the most points. It's not really important how the other person feels ABOUT YOU, it's how they feel when they are AROUND YOU.
You can ask questions and answer questions that you are comfortable with. A first date is about having fun and getting to know the lighter, fun, and interesting tidbits about someone- seeing if they are suitable for additional dates in the future. You have plenty of time for getting to the heavy topics so go ahead and ask them seemingly irrelevant questions like what their favorite ride is at an amusement park or whether they have pets, etc. Many people think things like divorce or kids define them and the person they go on a date with should know that right away- this isn't true. Courting, which I like to say is the way dating shuld be like, takes time.
1. Death: This topic is too heavy for at least the first few dates. I've made this mistake myself. It was almost a year after the sudden death of my boyfriend when I began dating again, and since it made such an impact in my life I thought I would share it with others, even new guys I started dating- big mistake. It's not that people are insensitive, but what would you really expect someone to say to you about such a loss when they barely know you.
2. Exes: Seems obvious, but if you are recently out of a relationship or you spent a significant amount of time in one relationship, something may slip out of your mouth about that ex boyfriend or girlfriend- it happens almost subconsciously. Don't compare your current date to your exes either- any mentioning of exes is VERY tacky.
3. Divorce: Yes, mentioning that you were married before is important, but not on the first date. Many may disagree with me on this, but it's similar to talking about your exes, and it sounds taboo when first mentioning it. It may turn someone off before they get to know you. It's a label, not a character trait or flaw. When you get a little more involved with someone, then you can tell them, and they can make a choice whether it's a deal-breaker or not. Honestly, it shouldn't matter to someone if they like you.
4. Money:Men, unless you are with a gold digger, money shouldn't matter or be mentioned until further into the dating process. Women, you shouldn't ask about money either or even mention your income or talk endlessly about possessions. Also, men will tend to feel it necessary to discuss their income in some way, either bluntly or hinting, but don't encourage or continue the conversation. Make it known he can prove his worthiness by steering the conversation to other topics. Sad, but true, when women boast about their salary, it intimidates a man or leads the them to believing they can take advantage of that.
5. Health Problems: This isn't a positive subject, in fact, it can be a downright downer. We all have our health quirks we deal with or have dealt with, but it can come across as negative or complaining. Talking intimately about our health is too personal. Even cancer survivors should to keep the topic light- you can boast that you are a survivor, but leave the heavier aspects of your story for a later date. It's similar to death because some people, not insensitive, may not know how to respond to that kind of heavy discussion.
Tricky subjects, like children, should be carefully approached. It's easy for a proud parent to go on and on about their children, but your date may want to get to know you. Mentioning that you have a child is fine, but keep the conversation focused on you and your date. I don't suggest mentioning you want children any time soon. That's too heavy and too much pressure on the first several dates so don't talk about your 5-year plan, especially if it includes children.
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