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Transparency and Vulnerability

Updated on February 10, 2018

The Foundation of a Worthwhile Relationship

Transparency is the foundation of any worthwhile relationship, especially marriage.

The depth of any relationship is determined by the amount of transparency there is. Transparency is like deep calling unto deep. When you become transparent you call out to the other party (or parties) to do likewise. On the other hand, not being transparent has its message also. You are saying there is a limit to how far you want to go in this relationship. And, that has its place. For, not all relationships are the same. Transparency defines the limit of our relationships.

You can't experience life without feeling life. (Elisabeth Shue)

The challenge is a lot of us though wanting to go deeper in some relationships, especially marriage, are incapacitated by an inability to be truly transparent and vulnerable. We are scared what people will think if they truly know who we are. We are scared of being rejected. Hence, we play the game of being who we think they will want us to be. Instead of bringing our heart to the relationship, we bring our head. We become sensitive to every move in the relationship.

Relationship Limits / Depths

What I've learned is that being vulnerable to somebody you love is not a weakness, it's a strength. (Elisabeth Shue)

The challenge is a lot of us though wanting to go deeper in some relationships, especially marriage, are incapacitated by an inability to be truly transparent and vulnerable. We are scared what people will think if they truly know who we are. We are scared of being rejected. Hence, we play the game of being who we think they will want us to be. Instead of bringing our heart to the relationship, we bring our head. We become sensitive to every move in the relationship.

We read meaning(s) to everything that is done, or not done. We read meaning into things that have no meaning in them. Rather, than being relaxed and enjoy the relationship, we are all so worked up, protecting and covering the skeletons in our wardrobe. The relationship that is supposed to relax and refresh us only works us up. Instead of building depth in our relationship, we either drive people away, or drive our heart away from theirs.

Everyone has skeletons in their closet.

The thing to realize in life is that, everyone has skeletons in their closet, even the seeming perfect ones. We all have a past. Our past may be different, but there is none perfect. Some people’s skeletons might be point blank evident. Whereas for others they are not apparent, but tucked away in the rottenness of their hearts. We are all who we are by the grace of God. Whatever your experience of life might have been, you need to realize that it all happened to make you the person you are today.

Nothing in life happens to us.

It all happens for us, even the seeming evils of life. It is not what happened that is important, but rather what we do with it. Refuse to be defeated by your past. It is called THE PAST. And, don’t deceive yourself it never happened. IT DID, and you survived for a reason. You survived your past for a reason. Live that reason. Work in the strength that comes from your experience of life. The world needs it. The world wants it. Be comfortable under your own skin. Don’t be defined by your experience of life. Define your experience by the way you use it to be a blessing to yourself and the world. That is what makes you a victor.

Be yourself in your relationships.

Not everyone will like you. Big deal! Not everyone is supposed to. Deal with it. If they don’t then they were not meant to be a part of your life. If it does not fit, don’t force it. Just be you and those that are meant to be a part of your life will flow in. We are not here to be people pleasers. We are here to be God pleasers. We are not here to practice how to live. We are here to live the life. Live therefore.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 months ago

      "Be yourself in your relationships. " - AMEN!

      During the "infatuation phase" of most new relationships both people tend to bend over backwards to impress one another. No one wants to do or say anything that might "blow their chance" to be with her or him.

      The word "no" is seldom if ever uses, cards and token gifts are exchanged "just because", conversations and laughter flow easily, and the sex is off the charts!

      It's so easy for an inexperienced dater to believe he/she has found their "soulmate". The truth is you really don't get to know anyone until after you have had your first major argument or disagreement. That's when you start to see each other's "boundaries" and "deal breakers" along with their "expectations".

      I call it their "authentic selves".

      Most people don't reveal their "authentic self" until after their has been an "emotional investment" or "commitment" established. Only then do they feel (safe) enough to say whatever is on their mind or in their heart without the fear of losing you. (This also true if they no longer care about you.)

      Generally speaking in the beginning there is no transparency or vulnerability because both people come into the relationship with "baggage" and walls of protection.

      It is only through observing someone over time demonstrate honesty and integrity that one starts to lower their defenses.

      Trust like respect is (earned) over time. Never force yourself to trust anyone. If something doesn't {feel right} to you it's probably not right for (you). Don't ignore "red flags"!

      Once you truly "trust" someone you're "transparent/"vulnerable".

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