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"True Love Is...": Recognize Love in Your Life
Disclaimer
I am not a certified counselor. Please use the insights from this article at your own discretion.
Poll
Are you in love?
What True Love Is Not
The influence of popular culture has led to the growth of many misconceptions about love. Movies, music videos, and sitcoms often portray a true lover as someone who is clingy and cannot be away from their love interest. This is, of course, not true.
Before discussing what love is, it is important to be aware of what it isn't. A person who is truly in love with another won't do the following things:
- Stalk them
- Verbally abuse or threaten them
- Use blackmail to force their consent
- Issue them ultimatums
- Cheat on them
- Use them for sex and leave them in the lurch
- Force them to follow a particular religion
- Physically abuse them
- Spy on them
- Hack into their social media or email accounts
- Boast of wealth and status in front of them
- Feel insecure every time their partner talks to another person
Note: Read on to the end of the article for a quick checklist of the signs of true love.
How Do I Know If I Am Truly in Love?
You can recognize love when you experience it. Love is not something you can miss. It will be in your face! If you are truly in love, you will notice that your whole existence becomes a whole lot brighter and happier. You will start experiencing happiness at the most unexpected times. You will catch yourself smiling even when the going is tough.
Love is always a happy thing.
Here are some signs you are in love. You will need to notice multiple signs at the same time to really be sure you are in love.
You Feel Compassion for This Person
When you truly love someone, you love them for who they are. You earnestly wish the best for them at all times. You suffer when they suffer. You rejoice at their successes.
Looks and Wealth Are Not Your Main Criteria
When you are in love, the way your partner looks or how rich they are is not as important as the fact that you want them to be happy at all costs, even if without you.
You See a Long-Term Future
Love is all about the long term. If you just want to hook up with someone to please yourself, you are definitely not in love.
When you are in love with someone, you are able to foresee a future with them, and this view of the future is aware of the risks you will face and the sacrifices you will make. You are practical and not emotional.
You Are Willing to Take "No" for An Answer
When you are in love, you are willing to accept rejection. To you, the long-term happiness of your partner is more important than your short-term pleasure. You are willing to be practical rather than go by your feelings.
You Are Willing to Make Sacrifices
When you are truly in love, you realize that you need to give up on certain comforts in order to be able to have a sustainable future with your partner, and you are willing to make these sacrifices. Some of the things you may need to sacrifice for the sake of love may include social or class status, the support of your parents, work opportunities, leisure time, etc.
You Realize That The Relationship Cannot Fix You
As a mature lover, you know that you must be the best version of yourself in order to avoid problems. The person who expects their partner or relationship to set right their character defects is being immature. Love is a crucible. It isn't all pleasure. No relationship can fix the issues you have with yourself.
You Choose to Love
Love is a choice. You can truly love someone only if you make the decision that they are important to you. You cannot just "fall" in love with someone. True love requires a conscious choice. If you are "falling" in love with someone, you are probably just infatuated with them.
You Don't Avoid Your Obligations in Order to Be with Your Lover
As a mature person, you realize you cannot avoid your responsibilities. You recognize that you must continue to fulfill your responsibilities as always. You cannot use love as a diversion from the realities of daily life.
You Continue to Engage with Society
True love cannot exist in a vacuum. Two sensible people in love will not shut themselves up in a bubble and ignore the world around them. They will continue to observe and be responsive to the needs of those who count on them.
You Are Able to Be Assertive in The Relationship
Being in love doesn't mean you give up your self-respect and dignity. If your love is real, you will be able to stand up for yourself and your beliefs in a classy manner. You will not feel any sort of insecurity that your beliefs will lead to the end of the relationship.
What True Love Is
True Love is selfless and compassionate. A person who is truly in love with another will do the following:
- Respect their partner's decision regardless of what it is
- Continue to fulfill their obligations toward their family and society
- Be compassionate and accommodating of their partner
- Think long term
- Make a conscious decision to be faithful to their partner
- Be assertive whenever required
- Realize that the relationship won't fix their weaknesses
- Be aware that they will need to make sacrifices for the partner
- Look beyond appearance and wealth
Checklist
The Signs of True Love
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You feel a deep empathy for the person.
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You check on them regularly to make sure they are doing okay.
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The primary reason for the attraction is not their attractiveness or wealth.
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You are willing to take constructive criticism from them.
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You feel comfortable being yourself in their presence.
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You look for opportunities to be helpful without patronizing them.
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Your love for them helps you appreciate the world around you better.
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Your love for them helps you value other people more.
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You are able to respect their decision to move on beyond the relationship.
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You respect them even after the things haven't worked out.
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You are able to be assertive in the relationship.
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You are willing to give them their personal space.
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You are willing to become a better person.
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True Love Checklist
Final Word
You hopefully have a clearer idea now of whether you are in love or are infatuated. If you found this article useful, share it with someone you care for so that they may benefit from it.
© 2018 Rohan Rinaldo Felix
Comments
"Love is a choice. You can truly love someone only if you make the decision that they are important to you. You cannot just "fall" in love with someone." - Yes and No...
Chemistry does play a part as well as natural compatibility.
One of the reasons many people mistakenly believe they are "in love" is due the nature of the (infatuation phase) most new relationships experience. During this period both people tend to be on their best behavior as they bend over backwards to impress the object of their affection. The word "no" is seldom if ever used because no one wants to do or say anything which might "blow it".
Conversations and laughter flow easily, token gifts and cards are given "just because", weekend getaways are planned, romance and sex is spontaneous and off the charts.
Most inexperienced daters at this point believe they've met their "soulmate". However after there is a commitment established or emotional investment made that's when people feel (safe) enough to reveal their "authentic selves" without the fear their mate will instantly walk away. Some folks may feel like a victim of bait and switch. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:
"He/She is not the same person I fell in love with."
The truth is no one lays all of their cards on the table during the "infatuation phase" of a new relationship.
In order to truly love someone you have to really (know) them. As important as compatibility is to a relationship it's actually our differences and how we cope with/resolve arguments and misunderstandings that will determine if someone is "right" for us.
