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True Love is Effortless
I’m smiling right now. As I picture the friends that inspired this blog, I smile. And it’s the kind of smile that leaves me sad, but gives me comfort at the same time because the emotions they stirred in me last night are bitter sweet. They opened the door to some sort of epiphany that, truly, I’ve been aware of for quite a while now, but they made it so that I would fully absorb it and recognize it.
True love is effortless. It doesn’t cost a thing and it requires no sweat. It is not easy and it does take a lot of compromising, but in the end, it is still effortless. As she opened the door at 11pm, after a whole day of working, he smiled at her big and told her she looked beautiful, with a look on his face that told a 1000 more words. It looked like he had never seen her before, the excitement was so palpable. And it made me feel like the energy around me had shifted suddenly from oppressing to liberating.
It felt like a million words, memories, flashbacks swiftly crowded my mind. I saw the excuses, the lies, the hopes, the tears, the smiles, the nights, the dreams, the disappointments, the happiness. I saw years spent fixing the unfixable, always waiting for the next time I’d have to bend and succumb. I saw it all in one moment, my whole life flashing back before my eyes, trying to understand where I went wrong. I saw the men who couldn’t love me, and the men I left behind. And then I saw the one man who loved me beyond what words could express, and I relived the moment I let him down, the moment I picked up my bags and shut the door. I was wrong, but I didn’t know then.
We had our ups and downs, but in the end it was always effortless. “You gave me the best days of my life, and my only regret today is not having been ready for the truth you showed me at that time. This smile I dedicate to you. I know you’re in a better place now and I am proud of you beyond what I’ll ever be able to express to your face”.
As for me, I am still smiling. I am at peace. Some truths you can’t understand until it’s your time to embrace and absorb. I’ve learned the deeper meaning of love, and perhaps the hardest part was learning that if you truly care for someone, despite the ups and the downs, the arguments and the tears, it should all be as effortless as coming back home at 11pm at night, tired and worn down from a day of work, just to welcome your partner and say, “Baby, you look beautiful tonight”. And if it's not, then it's time to move on.
© 2011 Roberta S