- Gender and Relationships
True Love....It's Out There.
Normally I do a fact based post about an issue that I feel strongly about. This time I want to do something a little different. I want to share with everyone my concept of finding Mr. Right. Our perception of what love is has drastically been altered. Love, at least true love is in fact hard to find and with all the different perceptions of it out there it is no wonder it seems to have disappeared. Media makes light of the concept of love when in reality love is not something that can be gauged on first chance meeting nor is it something that can be made. It is that feeling you get in the pit of your soul telling you this person is good. It is your gut telling you yes or no and your mind taking a back seat. If you feel any red flags you need to evaluate them against the good parts of the person. Love is strong and you will definitely know when you find it there will be no question in your mind that this is the right person.
When I was growing up mystery was a big part of the dating scene. We would wear clothes that would hug our figure but not show too much skin. We would do cute little things to get the guys attention and play hard to get. It seemed like I was falling in love every few months, at least when I was younger.
Today things like that don't happen anymore. I feel like every time I turn around there is a half naked girl walking down the street flaunting her goods for all to see. I hear about so much teen pregnancy because sex has become such a normal part of everything now. It used to be sacred, something you only share with someone you truly care for. It was nerve wracking and scary. Now it seems like people cant get their clothes off fast enough. What happened to our society? Where is the mystery, the dating, the chase? That was part of the fun!
When a girl walks around in less than an appropriate amount of clothing she is sending a message to the people around her. Those people get a perception of her and make a judgement. She could be the most down to earth person but because she appears to be something else she may not be given the chance. Men, as we know, are visual creatures and event though they too have made strides in making themselves seem less than what we expect; when they look at a girl they make an assumption based on what they see. There are ever so few now that will take the time to truly get to know a person for who they are inside. This causes many missed connections and broken relationships. Both male and female parties won't let their guard down and give the relationship a fighting chance so when the first child comes along and suddenly the guy doesn't want to partake in the next step that child suffers. Rather than be careful and take the time to let the relationship grow a child gets tossed in the mix making things even more difficult than they were before; bringing a reality to the table that was not there before making both parties re-evaluate the relationship and more times than not realizing they don't want to spend their life with this person.
How you are perceived is a large part of how you find your mate. I spend over a decade following whatever the person I was dating was into. I would say I was into things I wasn't, I changed who I truly was to appease the guy and that is why we are no longer together. It doesn't work if you are not true to yourself.
When you want to be with someone half of the fun is the chase; finding out what they like, dislike, getting them to follow you by doing cute little things to get their attention all the while teasing them with looks and such but never giving them all of you. Those days seem to have taken a back seat in todays world. It seems like it is all about nudity and showing it all off. When we say to be true to yourself we are not saying to throw naked pictures around right off the bat.
When you would want to date someone you would ask them, there would be a dinner, maybe a movie and the awkward kiss afterwards. Now its a naked picture of a body part, that is how a date is proposed. I think that is disgusting and completely over the line. There is no secrecy, no respect for yourself let alone the other person. Now I am not that old but I know that things like that never would have happened when I was dating.
A Date... What's That?
I have been married for 6 years now, that's a topic for another post but in just that short time dating has changed so much it has become unrecognizable. When my husband and I were dating we each had a child from our previous very long term relationships which made things a bit harder than they should have been and we missed out on some of the cruicial dating experience but despite all of that we did still date. We went to dinner on our first date and then brought back some high school style with going to his place for some movies. It was tense and awkward and my palms were sweating. We went to a fair together, we saw movies and sometimes I would just come over when he would have his daughter and we would just watch tv. But that was what we called dating. We would talk on the phone for hours, and we put all of ourselves out there. We made sure that we could handle the situation first before getting our children involved. There was mystery and openness and honesty. I truly believe that is why we are married today.
My point being that dating is essential, talking, getting to know each other, the true you, is imperative to having a working relationship. We need to bring that back to this new generation, respect of the woman and the man as well as chivalry.
What am I Doing Wrong?
Every question a woman asks herself; "What am I doing wrong?" I wish I could say nothing but the truth of the matter is everything and nothing. As a woman you want what you want but some don't realize that the unicorn is not real. That does not mean you have so settle by any means it just means you have to be realistic. Nobody is perfect and guys will screw up in our eyes, a lot, they are guys. Just because they do some things wrong does not make them bad guys it just may mean he either isn't the one for you or you need to accept those quirks. We are hard to live with these days. The younger generations of females hold guys to an unreasonable standard and when they don't meet those standards you drop them like a ball.
Relationships are give and take, acceptance, understanding, patience and many other things. A true relationship cannot be summed up in one or two words because there are many. So the next time you ask yourself what you are doing wrong, think about how you reacted to the sweet gestures he has done for you and all the times you got mad and ask yourself why you got mad in the first place, Was it warranted or did you maybe over react? I have been known to over react myself and looking back I could have saved an argument or two by just thinking before acting.
True Love Exists, I Know, I Found It.
Before I conclude I want to share something with everyone. In the time I have been married I have morphed into another person which happens to the best of us but this self i am now is my true self, the person I used to be before I lost it years ago. I know that the man I married is my true love not because of who he is or how wonderful he is to me but because we share the same ideals, because when I am with him I don't have to pretend. Sure he does stupid stuff that drives me crazy but they are so minimal that I don't even think about it anymore, I just pick it up or switch it around and we go about our day. I know he is the one because we have been through hell and back and no matter how bad things got we didn't fight about money, who was right or wrong or anything. We stood tall by each other through it all and held each other close being each other's rock. We are not wealthy in the sense of money but we are happy, joyful and lucky to have what we do have. We work hard and stand by each other making sure we give all we can to our kids and make the best life we can. That saying that love is blind, well it is, it is blind to imperfection, it is blind to faults, it is blind to judgement. Love just is and yes it is work to keep romance going and such but when you truly love someone it comes easy to you and no matter what other people say you will love that person from the depths of your soul.
You will know he is the one when he looks at you with love in his eyes and giggles at your little quirks and tells you that is one reason why he loves you. It is not about the money, it is not about gifts or anything like that, it is about the time he devotes to you and the kids, it is about the compliments he gives you every day to make sure you know that he appreciates you, it is about not being able to wait to give him a hug and kiss when he gets home from work. If you wouldn't truly take a bullet for your man or do whatever it takes to ensure his safety then he isn't the one. Just food for thought.