Is Trust a Requirement of Love?

I wanted to have a chat today about relationships and the thing called trust that seems to be so important in a relationship. People write about it being the number one thing in a relationship. Forget love because apparently, without trust, love means nothing and yet without love, what are you doing in the relationship to begin with?

Ok, ok. I get that one makes the other one worthy, but do you really understand when trust issues can destroy a relationship? When the issue of trust comes into a relationship, it is coming from fear. When you let fear into a relationship, it can turn love sour. Fear is when you begin to question your partner's love for you. Fear is overthinking things so that when your partner is not near you, fear says they are up to something. Fear destroys relationships!

The problem with fear in a relationship, is that you forget about love. Fear forces trust to rule and then, before you know it, Sherlock Holmes has entered stage left. The detective has arrived. You know the detective. She comes out at the worst times and accuses you of being unfaithful because she saw that text on your phone to someone she doesn't know, and by golly it looked awfully suspicious. Or he saw that you liked that guy from the office, what's his name, oh yeah, Frank, parade his tanned and muscular body on his Facebook page.

The detective digs for dirt. The detective doesn't care about the love your partner really does have for you, and that your partner has no interest in sharing life with anyone other than you. No sirree. The detective cares only about digging for dirt and being the saint. And when the dirt uncovers even the smallest of things, you declare you are the victor! It doesn't matter to the detective that you pushed your partner away through your investigation to find the dirt.

It doesn't matter to the detective that in the process, your partner began talking to that woman at the office about your relationship, and other things, like how you don't understand how much he loves you. She was only asking for advice, but you saw it as something else. It doesn't matter because, hey, you found the dirt, right!? Your partner was talking to another person about stuff, stuff they should have been able to talk with you about. It sure looked like they were flirting though, didn't it?

Things can get out of hand when fear comes into a relationship. Suddenly, the person you thought you knew, is now someone you just know is doing wrong by you. Most times though, the affair, if it was one, is an emotional affair because your partner was able to have a conversation with another person while you were inattentive. Nothing, apart from conversation, ever happened because your partner really does love you.

If something else did happen, you of course feel hurt, extremely hurt and extremely angry. Yet how do you instantly stop loving your partner? Was love so fragile that one ounce of mistrust was enough to let it die? If love is strong, somewhere there, beneath the hurt, you could repair the damage to trust? Couldn't you?

Love, trust and pixie dust. Sounds corny I know, but here is a way to let love live, let trust in, and with a little pixie dust, open your heart again to rebuild the trust that was lost, real or imagined. Take some time to learn how others have dealt with love and trust. After all, you love this person, right? Love conquers all, even if it is tough at first.

In her book, I Love You But I Don't Trust You, Mira Kirshenbaum shares how you can overcome lost trust to love wholly again. Even if the detective has uncovered the dirt, the victory is short-lived because the feeling of utter despair takes it place. Then the blame, then the self-hate and the feeling you will never be the same. Betrayal is betrayal. But, Mira says, "if betrayal necessarily kills love, then love is too fragile to exist in the real world." People make mistakes. So, can love live, or will distrust win?

"Love is the master key that

opens the gates of happiness.

Happiness is the art of

never holding in your mind

the memory of any unpleasant

thing that has passed."

(Buddha)

The truth is, relationships are easy when you take the time, after lust has had fun, to know each other and understand that we all have down days. We won't always look our best in the morning, or after a rough day at home with the kids. Love won't care about that. Love will do what needs to be done when it needs to be done to relieve any stress in the home until nothing is a chore, including taking care of yourself.

I am not making light of trust issues. Love to me, is just more important. Love can repair the damage lost trust has caused and with a little magic, love will win.

Love, trust and pixie dust.