- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Trying To Get Back-Forgiveness In Relationships
The Truth About Forgiving In Relationships
Darling In the past-I know I treated you bad-sometimes I made you cry
I couldn't see, how it was only hurting me-because the tears weren't in MY eyes
Then you went away- you said you couldn't stand to stay another day:I didn't understand
The tables turned, that's how I learned-I played with fire and I was burned:Now I'm a lonely man...who's
Trying to get back-back into your heart again
Trying to get back-hoping we could start again
Trying to get back- offering a love that's new
There is nothing I won't do-Trying to get back to you...
There was a time, all that was on my mind was pleasing you
We were so in love-and although times were tough-somehow we made it thru
Then I broke your heart- all we built together then was torn apart-we lost our romance
When I let you go, how could I know-that loneliness would hurt me so
Please...give me one more chance...I'm
Trying to get back-back into your arms again
Trying to get back- hoping we could start again
Trying to get back-offering a love brand new
trying to get back-I'll do what you want me to trying to get back to you...
***How many of us have heard these or similar words at some time or another? How many of us have actually spoken them! Maintaining a relationship requires steady and consistent work and diligence. It also entails considering consequences for our actions and weighing whether we are willing to take the risk of losing the relationship due to our actions, and too, if we are capable of accepting those consequences without going overboard with our reactions. Serious considerations indeed. For those readers who are not sociopaths without the ability (or desire) to control their behavior, or care, let's delve into the realm of forgiveness in a relationship...
First Look at the words above in the poem/song *(poems written in Truth Is...hubs are actually songs written by Truth Is... from a collection titled:"Come Closer") The person speaking the words admits to ill-treatment of the one supposedly the object of his affections. Obviously the age-old saying:"you don't miss it until it's gone" has come into play. So what is it that prevents one from taking a closer look at and considering their actions and behavior(s) say, in the midst of them? Why do we only think about things far AFTER we've done them? One reason is selfishness: We care only about what pleases us, seeking our own satisfaction and considering that of others as only secondary.Also the lack of empathy comes to mind, we don't consider how the other person feels. But here's a cold fact about that:This is a person that we actually do LOVE, and we have been convinced by and about that person that they'd never do the very things to you that you do to them!Truth Is...
This going to get deep, so I suggest you run out and get snacks!
We are a visual-gratification society and more often than not, an immediate -gratification one; this more often that not leads to our downfall. We seek or spot something that really catches our eye and that's it! We are in "tunnel-vision" mode. All we can do is think about what we are after. We often can't eat, sleep, or think straight without that object of our desire creeping into view. No matter who you may THINK you are, you DO have a weakness, and old Satan is very adept at picking at the scab around that weakness until the wound is fully exposed and there's no protection there. Satan is a spirit- being, he does not have to eat, sleep, or even rest;OK? That gives him non-stop time (our 24-7) to come up with ways to waylay your life. Some bible translations speak of this at Ephesians 6:11 where it talks about "Put on the complete suit of armor from God that you be able to withstand the many 'machinations' of the devil...". Where many translations use the words "many wiles" of the devil; I like this one as it (the word machinations) comes from the same Latin root word as "machine"; this denotes that Satan has and uses a machine-like mien when contriving ways to detract from you and your relationship with God as well as the one(s) God has placed into your life to make it better. Satan does not shut down for repairs or to recharge. He even outlasts the Ever-ready Bunny!
The bottom line is that we truly are living in the "time of the end" whether you choose to accept it or not, we just are. Therefore, it is ultra important for those who actually care (and thus have a chance), to get your self aligned with the sure winning side...God's. That means that we have to be meticulous about pleasing him or at the very least LEARNING HOW to please him as He will actually take your efforts into account should He initiate the end times while you're in the process of getting closer to him. It's all about attitude and your willingness to humble yourself to his will in every aspect of your life. ALL God wants is your submission to his will. He doesn't want your money, He wants your heart.
But let's get back to the subject at hand. Forgiveness. It's hard to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply when usually, the one's who hurt us most are the very ones we love and depend on most.Truth Is...; but then as people who really try to be understanding and flexible, we try to give more than the benefit of a doubt; especially when it's someone that we really do want to be a part of our life(often for our own selfish reason(s)). But in our times there is such a prevalent "Me" thing going-on that it's extremely difficult to love others as they simply don't know how to be loved! Almost always it seems that people are prone to seemingly LOOK for ways to ruin relationships. But please hear this: it's really not always intentional. Often people are so insular in their thinking that they fail to even recognize that they are hurting others until it is far too late. Such is the case of the person speaking the words above. Notice how he says "I couldn't see that it was only hurting me because the tears weren't in MY eyes...". That about sums up nearly everything going-on in the world today: "if it doesn't effect ME, then I give it only cursory attention(s)". This applies not only in love relationships, but also in friendships and business as well.
Sadly, once a person hurts, the damage often is irreconcilable and the end of something that otherwise could and should have been wonderful is the result. That's when we have to measure yourself: "Can I let go?" Obsession is a deadly thing often; and very often comes into play, especially when one realizes what they have lost is in fact the very one that could compliment the things they have going-on and transport them to the level to which they sought. It's that :"Damn!" feeling that often overwhelms us and frankly, many just can't handle when seeing that we are the reason things got messed-up. That's because we usually are sincerely sorry that we messed-up and actually regret what we've done; but it's just too late, plain and simple.
Usually, if they are not trying to "get with" the offended person, clergy will advise you to forgive and work on repairing a relationship(unless you're a big contributor to their church and the offender opposes it). But Honestly, often you either have experienced the same type of hurt too often or the pain this one time offense caused is so severe(due to your total devotion to the relationship), you are either not willing to devote any more effort toward the relationship or you just simply can't.
This is a bit of advice for the offender: If you really value the relationship you've damaged, DON'T pressure the person you've hurt to forgive you. Allow them the option of not accepting you fully back and perhaps they in time will allow you friendship that will last forever and definitely come in handy someday(s). Who knows, they may eventually want you back. But if they don't, pray and ask God to help you to be accepting of that and appreciate their willingness to to offer friendship. I know this is something extremely difficult to accept when you totally love the person that you've hurt and honestly didn't mean to hurt them; but this is yet another fact of life that does occur and the ability to move on is a giant step toward growth. Growth is important as it is a component of maturing and regardless of your age we continue to mature until the day they throw dirt on your face. We were meant to live forever and man did live for hundreds of years initially, so understand that there's no way we can achieve the fullness of maturity that God really intended.
Yes, we are at the end of another segment, and of course I'm going to encourage prayer and supplication and yes, remind you that supplication is different than prayer and equally important as it is communing with God and simply talking to him about everything that concerns you.
*Reminder: Every time that we pray or talk to God you are entered into God's presence and when in God's presence guess who CAN'T be there there? The enemy. That's right. That allows for spiritual growth and nurturing; as well as a protection from failing God, yourself, and those we really care about. It's good to remember that when you allow God control and freedom to walk about in your life; your life will definitely improve regardless of how "good" you may feel or think it already is...Truth Is...
See you in the next segment, b-blessed!