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Two Great Ways For A Guy To Ask A Girl Out

Updated on August 20, 2011

Remember: Don't be intimidated, the girl is always more nervous than you are!

We all have been this guy: too shy to get the words out and "just ask her" if she'd like to go for a coffee, movie, dinner, to a party, a formal date, whatever.

You are:

Too quiet.

Too uncertain.

Too damn shy!

These tips are based on just asking her and getting the heck out of the way. We're not standing around to get rejected ... either it's a yes or we can delay until later to get the right reply... which, of course, will be yes she wants to go with you. The whole interaction asking her out should take about 10 seconds. 12 seconds is too long. You have to be in and out like a bare hand in a hot pizza oven.

Here are tips of things to say that will get you started:

1. All you have to do is walk towards her and blurt out "Let's do this!" and hand her a note that says what you'd like to ask her to do. Nothing dirty or sexual, just a date type thing. One on side of the note is something like "Meet me for coffee at Java Joe's" and on the other side should be your email address. Once she has read the note, give her about 5 seconds to respond. If she does, great. It's probably going to be a yes. (The whole benefit of the note is to catch her off guard!) If she doesn't say anything within those 5 seconds, turn and walk away, stop after a couple of steps an say "Email me!" then keep walking.

Don't be a wussy and keep standing their waiting for her to reject you.... Make some tread marks and check your email.

2. The only people that say it with flowers are guys that are in trouble, married, or have too good a relationship with their florist. We like the blackjack combination to keep her guessing. Everyone has a deck of cards around, get it, you'll need it. Sort out the ace and the jack of spades. On the back of the ace write your note asking her out. Same as above, make sure your email address is on it and keep the talking to a minimum and get the hell out of there, fast. When you actually go out with her, that's when you give her the jack. She'll keep them forever, even if you don't end up dating. And if you do, you're a shoo-in to take her to Atlantic City or Reno or Las Vegas later in your relationship.

The reason for your speed is that it will keep her off guard. Not force a decision on her right away, and will allow you to plan your next move for when she contacts you back. By keeping the initial contact short you have less time to mess things up and come across as a dork, the person you think that you are, even if you aren't.

To sum up: asking a girl out is a fast, in and out, maneuver. Don't fret about shyness or nervousness, this technique is made to sidestep those issues.

And always remember: the more scared/nervous you are, she is always more scared/nervous.


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    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      Hi Mike,


      Letting them know what they're up against?

      Personally, I prefer it when they are up against me.



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      Mike 6 years ago

      This site should be blocked from women.

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      theTiGor 6 years ago

      Thanks, Mr. Pseudomen, for inviting me over to this hub.

      Good write-up and the comments that follow it are, uh, 'very interesting'. Yikes!

      From my experience, this can absolutely work, BUT, it is definitely dependent upon circumstances. As one poster here pointed out, the right time and right place are needed!

      If you live in a capital city (state or province, doubtful a county seat town would lend itself to this kind of thing...), a larger college town, or else a truly booming regional hub, this may be for you.

      This would probably not help you too much in a small town. I suspect the reception would be on the order of, 'Ha, ha, very funny' and people would be talking about you for years afterward. The risk of living where absolutely EVERYONE knows who you are, even if they don't know you personally!

      I live in a small city. It's a regional hub and has a college, but it's essentially a small town that keeps trying to be a big city. Part of the problem with this is that it's urban enough that a lot of people will sort of know of you, nobody really knows you personally, it's not all that tough for anyone to find you if they want to, and it's where all the small town and farm guys come and try to become big-time 'tough guys'. Not a good combination!

      In a situation like where I live, it is NOT a good idea to give ANYTHING to a woman with your real name on it, and if you have any contact information, it'd better be very, very tangential. Definitely not your home phone number or address, and only a cell phone number if you feel comfortable changing it. Email had better be a dedicated account.

      The reason for this is that the odds are absolutely overwhelming that any woman you hand a card, note, or whatever to is in a relationship of some kind. In areas like mine, the women who have anything going for them whatsoever will be. The exception is a few who are so busy you'll probably never see them out and about because they're always at work (an aspiring physician in residency, a business manager, etc. They'll be moving on to a larger market within a year or two, anyway...) because their career is their sole priority in life. If you're lucky, your 'document' will be thrown out or misplaced. If you get off easy, you'll get some prank calls, trash emails, etc. from a bunch of gals (the girl and her friends) who think it's funnier than hell to be dishing on you...and, naturally, they've got your number, but you have no idea who they might be. The real trouble starts when you get one or more wannabe thugs chasing after you for messing with their women and encroaching on their territory. This may or may not lead to your being on the receiving end of assault and battery, but odds are good you'll be genuinely harassed and threatened and substantial vandalism of your car, home, or whatever else you've got is a real possibility. Again, they know who you are, you've got no idea who they are.

      In a larger city, odds are much better no one around the girl you give something to will know who you are or where to find you. Also, big city folk tend to be a bit jaded and will likely blow something like this off and not give it another thought, unlike their small city cousins who take themselves too seriously and will blow something like this all out of proportion and make a huge deal out of it.

      Things like this are probably why my area and others like it have a lot of relationships that are set-ups from friends and family and a LOT of coworker relationships. Admittedly, if you're a hairstylist or a carpenter, that doesn't help you much! If you're a loner in general, you're pretty much SOL, too. The internet thing pretty much DOES NOT work's ALL MEN! Two things happen: you see a small handful of the same women always there, and the even smaller handful of ones any guy in his right mind would want anything to do (i.e.: the ones you KNOW are married or in a LTR don't count! What are they doing there, anyway?) with spell out just what they're looking for and, really, no one in this area is likely to be a match! One in particular stands out in my mind - only a pro basketball player would probably meet her criteria for age/income/ethnicity! Newcomers are frequently fakes and scammers, but they're easy to spot because they just don't look like anyone that would be from here. Legitimate newcomers (often, I recognize them from around town) often close their accounts a week later after being totally SWAMPED with responses.

      There's lot of nifty things you can do, but you've got to think about where you're at before you do anything. In a situation like mine, the card thing or the note thing work best with a female friend of some sort you've got a rapport with already. Too risky with a stranger, unless you're fatalistic or a masochist. I'd not risk it with a coworker, either. Anything in writing could be 'evidence' to back up some kind of frivolous sexual harassment claim and could come back to haunt you.

      Think of the techniques here as being a useful tool to enhance what basic interpersonal and conversational skills can be used for.

      Good luck, men!

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      Hi Ren, Some guys need to read something two or three times before the light goes on and they understand what the string of words means when they are all together and read in the right order.

      The posts you mention are not from sincere guys, they're from guys that want to trick a girl into a date, they don't want to actually ask her because of their fear of rejection.

      As well, the article is meant to inspire some creativity, not clone some MTV pickup lines.

      It's your choice, after all, you have to live with yourself, I don't.

      Good luck, RP

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      Ren 6 years ago

      This advice is no good. That note thing is tacky, and for people with no personality or personal sense of creativity.

      And you have stacks of questions from dudes here who are desperate for answers, and you ignore all of them and go for the easy ones. I will bet anything that you, too, are single, and just enjoy appearing as if you know a thing or two, here.

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      mfundo 6 years ago

      i have a problem i just can't to tell a girl that i'm in love with her but the problem she's my best friend and she's myclassmate and she stay with me on a desk so that a huge problem her name is Nosipho Shezi.

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      Hi Logan,

      I can't give you an answer but I can help you find it.

      1. Have either of you dated other people while being friends? Why did any of those relationships end?

      2. What has changed about your feelings toward her now? Why the change?

      3. Are you prepared to lose the friendship if the relationship ends? Why?

      4. Have you communicated your desire to move out of the "friendzone"? Since the answer is obviously no (unless you need to be rejected more than once to get the hint!) why have you been hesitant? Will you lose more than you might gain?

      You answer is among the answers.

      Good luck,


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      logan 6 years ago

      How does this work with girls that have had you in the "friendzone" for years

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      H Jade,

      I think you're too quick to dismiss my ideas. Maybe what I suggest is just the tip of the iceberg for guys to gain the courage to ask a girl out and that with this push they'll come up with even more creative ways to break the ice and start a conversation with you.


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      Jade 6 years ago

      I'm a female and I'd prefer it if the guy asking me out wasn't being so quick about it, that seems like it's a chore or something...

      Meeting the right person just happens, and you may not even need to ask her out for both of you to know that.

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      james cute 6 years ago


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      to karl 6 years ago

      Karl I think you should reread your post and ask yourself what kind of image of me does this put out. How you see yourself will project to those around you and the girls you are trying to meet. The fact you state you have no wealth or looks so you have nothing to offer is a perfect example. you don't believe you have anything to offer so why would any woman think you do. We have all seen ugly bald dudes with smokin hot woman, not all of them are wealthy, some are just wealthy in other ways like personality and confidence. I think the ideas of the original poster of the note/walkaway method will work because woman are used to guys approaching them and making jokes/lines no matter how funny your joke is or how clever, it is not new or original. Show a girl a little interest, then walk away and then you change everything.Go up to a girl and try the same old jokes/ice breaker and you are already losing points, Now if you just show interest then walk away like its no big deal, well then you intrigue them. It works, has been for decades. Easiest way to get a girl? Get them to chase you!

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      Karl 6 years ago

      This advice doesn't work for everyone and you have to be in the right place and atmosphere to make a move like this,for me every single time I have asked a girl out,she has rejected me,women usually say nasty things to me or humiliate me in front of their friends,some just say I am a nice man,but not their type and many others never want to talk to me again or feel threatened by my suggestion,I am 44 and have never had a girlfriend,most women say I am ugly and weird and in reality I have nothing to offer,no wealth or looks,so some men are destined to be single for life,it hurts,it's lonely,but you gradually get used to it.

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      Ericoe 6 years ago

      Man am luving al ths,ths advice is vital to xo many guys,pipo arnt creatd the xame,if u get an idea here,go out thea and practice it,and ul b amazd juz how much you can do..cheerz buddies

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      Sandu 6 years ago

      I like a girl,how i say it to her

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      viraj maadushan 6 years ago

      thanks a lot 4 ur tips & opinions & plz keep giving them to boys like us..

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      Peter Cotten Tail 6 years ago

      LOL email... this written in 1992..?

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      KM 6 years ago

      when your flirting with a girl after your first date, how long do u keep the conversations to keep her off guard and what do you say?

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      Dude, you make sure your ears are clean and you walk right up to her and you say to her "I think you'll make a great girlfriend. Meet me at 'xxx place' at 'xxx time' later today." And from there you go slow and calmly away from her, leaving her to wonder what the hell really just happened there.

      Because people, you know that if you don't strike when the opportunity is available, not only will you talk yourself out of doing this small thing but you'll continue to talk yourself out of doing this time and time again, until, finally, she's dating some other guy and she seems really, really happy and all you can do is go back to your small apartment, clean out the cat litter, pop open a can of soda and later cry yourself to sleep because you know in your heart that it could have been you.

      You could have done something, you could have even gotten some expert help by someone that knows what you're going through. But you didn't and here you are. Dude, you got to meet and train to become The Pick-Up Master.

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      ME24 6 years ago

      I like a girl but i barely know her (she is very hot!!)

      What do i do?????????

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 6 years ago from Canada

      Hi JH,

      You should ask her out on an "official" date so that she understands that you want to be more than friends.

      Of course she could always say no to you BUT I can guarantee you that the more time that passes you'll get farther into the friend zone and sure as hell, she'll be dating a guy that does have the courage to ask her on a date and you'll lose the opportunity forever.

      Your choice,


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      JH 6 years ago

      okay i recently got put in the "friend zone" by a girl that i was friends with and started to like. I still love her and she still is friends with me but i still want to be able to be her boyfriend what should i do?

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      gshshshsh 6 years ago

      Ok this guy is a dumb ass he's obviously been rejected a shit load off times. Who the hell would walk up to a girl and just hand her a note? Conversation is the key. Talk to her, make her laugh. Trust me it wil work better then what this dumb ass is saying.

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      owen 6 years ago

      hay man thanx 4 the information,it has rilly help me a lot wid girl dat i have never dreamed of going out with........

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      anothermiddleschooler 6 years ago

      i have been trying to get a girlfriend for a couple of months now and i do see one staring at me sometimes but i don't really like her. there are some girls i have been trying to get but i just never succeeded thanks for the tips on this.

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      spaztastic 6 years ago

      to bill u sound like a pussy not as in u cant fight as in ur a good guy follow the rules your 16 girls your age like bad boys trust me its not the car you drive the clothes you wear its all about attitude and honestly this goes for everyone on this page the reason i don't get girls is because well i don't try just got out of a 2 year bout a month ago but you best belive im gona start talking to any girl who is half way good looking and not a fat ass just talk to them its way easier if you already know the girl and try on some random ugly girls and see where that goes and get some ass from the ugly ones and some ugly girls have hot friends u don't want to get with a girl u think is hot and suck in bed she will never call you again

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      someone 6 years ago

      im just lonely and always will be

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      mr........ 6 years ago

      i have been too shy to ask girls out, I'm a nerd if you will. i have been asked out by girls on multiple occasions some of them being hot, but i cant seem to grow the balls to says yes to them :(

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      bill 6 years ago

      i am an attractive guy

      a lot of girls have said that to me

      i also do martial arts tricking

      which is a unique sport

      and one of the coolest things in world(look it on youube)

      and girls seem to be really amazed

      (by the way im 16)but it doesn't matter how awesome they find me

      i ve been rejected 2 times by girls who actually liked me wtfffffff

      and ive been to shy to ask a girl out

      also i forgot to mention that my behavior is really good

      im not a jerk or something like that

      why don't girls ask boys out?????/

      i ve never had a girlfriend and i cant ask one out

      what am i supposed to do?????//

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      sam 7 years ago

      pfft, I think it's an okay idea but do it my way: Wanna go to town or something?

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      Jamie Holloway 7 years ago

      I am a fairly attractive charismatic guy but for some reason i never seem to get the girls i want. At first i thought that looks was everything i needed to get those girls but i have realized that this is not true. In fact i find that many men far worse looking then i seem to be far better off in this department.

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      Derek 7 years ago

      well, i haven't gotten to try this yet, but it makes sense, so THANKS!!


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      Trey 7 years ago

      Guys I need help most of you probably have a lot more experience than a 10 year old like me I really like this girl liked her since 2nd grade but I have never had the courage to ask her out and she knows I like her and I think she considers me a good friend how do I get the courage to ask her out and let her know that I really want to be more than friends please help soon

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      matt 7 years ago

      I'm 20 and I've never been on a date either and I've tried pretty girls, ugly girls, sweet girls, and total sluts. Just hope my luck turns around before I'm in victor von doomed shoes.

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      Dylan 7 years ago

      So scerrd

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      Daz 7 years ago

      Hi, I used to date a professional model. We were together 10 years and broke up. It was my choice. Since then I meet lots of girls but seem to struggle to find a girl I find attractive (Personality and looks). As a result I don't approach and therefore class myself fussy - I have now been single 3 years! My friends say go for anything that comes along and build up your self esteem again. But personally this seems and feels so wrong, is this really the way its done these days?.. Please advise (only if your 25 and over) since I am now 33 and feel slightly out of touch! Cheers guys :-)

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      cJorR 7 years ago

      Well guys all of ur comments are great and everything but i think im stuck, i havnt had a gf for about 3 years now im 18 yrs old.... i just to be a really kool guy wt girls, i just to go out wt preety hot girls and everything but since I broke up wt ma gf im just not confident anymore to go up to a girl and start a conversation and most of them now think that im just a good guy, what should i do??? i don't think im an ugly guy or anything i dress right talk right what is my problem???"!

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      james 7 years ago

      what about after you ask her out?

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      Victor Von Doomed 7 years ago

      It would be fantastic if this type of thing would help me, but I doubt it will.

      I've tried asking women out before, and it's always ended badly. I mean REALLY BADLY.

      I'm now 28, and I've never been in a relationship. Hell, I've never even been on a date with anybody.

      I think I'm doomed

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      Shawn B 7 years ago

      im 15, male, from USA, and im ugly.. Every time i ask a girl out, i get a "NO" or "Your not my type", im not shy in asking a girl out, just to dam ugly... Someone help me find someone i like or help me :D dont need to go queer!!!


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      LadyGaGa 7 years ago

      You guys are going to fail! I want your disco stick!

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      Excellent 7 years ago

      Hahahaha, Pseudonym...

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      Kizer 7 years ago

      Do u guys usually go up a women that u never known before and ask her out? that's what i am getting from what i see

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      to Jim 7 years ago

      hahaha you're making fun of people on a site for people having trouble getting women, so you probably are one of them hahaha (why else would you have looked this up?)

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      John 7 years ago

      Def trying the blackjack aproach

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      awesome 7 years ago

      have confidence in yourself and practice practice practice. Stop reading hubs and just go do it. Get rejected, then improve. Eventually starting conversations and asking women out will be second nature.

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      Mitch 7 years ago

      Is anyone here familiar with the Friend Zone where you need to make it appearant that you want to be more than friends before she decides your the Nice guy who will let her walk all over you. If you have never heard of it and are talking to a woman for too long without making a move this is what happens. When she asks you about dating advice or says your like family to her your probably too late

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      Pat 8 years ago

      I completely disagree with what has been said on the last two comments. As a woman will feel more comfortable with you the more likely she will not see it coming and actually then push you away as a friend/boyfriend to not keep potentially leading you on. I am young and active and have no problems asking women out, although the note thing is rough, the card is clever, smart and different. i would only have my name and phone number on it, and i would go with a direct approach. example: "Hi, my name is... and i wanted to know if you would like to get a coffee you seem like a nice person." if she smiles your in, grab her number and give her yours, (don't wait for her to call you! this is a primal act and as a man you are the hunter, and she would have asked you otherwise) if she says something like "sorry i have a boyfriend" respond with something witty to make her smile, also so she does not think you have confidence issues. I use this "whoa, i have only known you for 2 minutes and your already telling me about your problems!" she will laugh and you wont feel like you have failed as you walk away. Remember the worst that can happen is she says no, and you will always learn from your experience and be able to take that to the next woman.

      if you have doubts about this theory, go right to the source, ask a WOMAN FRIEND you trust and they will set you straight.

      Happy hunting,


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      Eric 8 years ago

      Yea about what asfjkolaslkj said. That's totally true. Based on past experiences it'll almost alaways be a no if ur too forward about it. u gotta be smooth about it and especially never show how nervous u are. cause that ruins the mood wen ur nervous. even if u r hiding it. u just gotta go in with confidence. talk make her laugh. flirt a little. and ask her out wen shes comfortable. the getting to know you part will help u sustain relationships

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      asfjkolaslkj 8 years ago

      Girls can't think you like them. They like calm, composed, and confident guys.

      That's why I'm pretty sure the walking away after giving them a note thing won't usually work. They'll be able to tell that you lack a certain confidence.

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      asfjkolaslkj 8 years ago

      I'm 19 and I've never asked anyone out...

      but I just sense this isn't the way to do it. You have to get to know her; be friends with her for a while. The hardest part is getting chances to talk to her or hang out with her in a group of people so it doesn't appear that you like her, and they everybody is just friends (I don't have any groups of friends, either, just individual friends that don't know each other, so this is difficult for me). Most girls will reject you if they find out you like them before you ask them out... it just turns them on more thinking a guy doesn't like them.

      You have to find the best way to avoid rejection, or figure out ahead of time how to handle it so you don't make a fool of yourself and ruin your reputation with other potential girlfriends and even friends.

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      Danny 8 years ago

      I saw this amazing girl the other day while shopping (guy) I wanted to go over a say something that could get me meeting her again. But obviously I don't know her she might think am weird coming over etc... I did look at her she looked back directly I gave a smile she smiled back but i froze up. What could i do in this situation?

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 8 years ago from Canada

      Start a conversation by asking her a question, maybe about something she is carrying, about a book, her knapsack, anything like that. People, women too (LOL) love to talk about the things they have. be an active listener, that means continue to ask questions about what she is talking about. You'll do fine!

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      Pej 8 years ago

      Hi, these advises are great, would you give some other ideas about different things.

      My problem is I can't start a conversation, I mean when I know I want to go ahead and ask her I can't

      but when I want to talk with a girl without that idea I am comfortable.

      Help me help me.

      My email is

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      lol 8 years ago


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      phillip morris 8 years ago

      i just wanna thank you for your help this site has giving me hope thankyou yours phil morris

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      MiddleSchooler 8 years ago

      Do you know if these methods work on a younger age group i.e. middle school girls?

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      hey jim... 8 years ago

      Don't have children, mkay?

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      jim 8 years ago

      haha u losers cant get gals unlucky :)

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      Bryan Caceres 8 years ago

      How whod you know if shes single or not?

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      Bobby 8 years ago

      does this work with girls you don't know

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      Brian 8 years ago

      This sounds like good advice. When I met my fiancé, it was a very brief encounter. Keeping the girl off guard is a good idea, but don't push it...knocking her too far off guard could completely push her off. The whole note thing...never. The card thing...brilliant. Just say you look forward to seeing her again. Easy, quick, and doesn't push her.

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      Daniel 8 years ago

      Meet me at barnes and noble for some chat and coffee!

    • Marco0208 profile image

      Marco0208 8 years ago from UK

      But for a girl that u only speak to her twice ......... will that still work??? She might think it's too fast and don't know much about me?


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      Tommy 8 years ago

      Will this even help for high school students

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      Pat 9 years ago

      Thanks man. I have never really been to nervous to ask girls to go on dates. I just keep getting "Nos" for some reason... But i'll try to hang in there.

    • R Pseudomen profile image

      Robert Lee 10 years ago from Canada

      Yes, effective and surpising to the women I've tried this on.

    • David Canyon profile image

      David Canyon 10 years ago from USA

      That's an interesting hub. How many times have you tried this and were you successful? Can you share some of your personal experiences using this technique?