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Two Types of Gay Person I Can't Stand

Updated on May 1, 2010

I Saw You ~ Missed Connections

Check out this graphic novel sometime if you want to read up on them, you're in for a laugh but I warn you there is some explicit imagery and it is not for little eyes.



There are basically two types of closet homosexual that I can't stand. And this is not to say that I condemn a person for his life choices. I do however have a problem when those life choices lead to condemning someone or harming them emotionally or physically.

The first type falls under the latter category. Typically this is a married man or woman who is not satisfied with their partner, got married for the wrong reasons, were pressured by society or whatever excuse they'll come up with first. Either way this person is gay but for some reason or another chose to marry someone of the opposite gender.

Check the wanted ads of your preferred alternative newspaper or even the ads in and you will see a number of these individuals seeking a companion for a discreet sexual encounter.

Discreet sexual encounter. One night only. You host. Sometimes they're looking for a younger, inexperienced man or an older person who can “teach” them or be a kind of parent figure. Trust me there are some interesting ones out there.

If you ever want to understand what I have against this behavior, you need look no further than the gay rights movement and the long uphill battle so that gays and lesbians could marry whomever they chose. You could say the last ten years have been tricky. What was the big argument against same sex marriages? That marriage was between and man and a woman. That marriage is a sacred institution.

I couldn't agree more. Marriage is a sacred institution. It's the choice two people make to be together for the rest of their lives and to only be with each other in the sexual capacity. What do you call it when a married man seeks sexual contact outside that sacred institution? It's called adultery.

It doesn't matter if you, a married man of thirty-six with three kids and a loving wife, have always preferred men. Because you entered into a binding agreement with that woman that said you would only be with her. Is it your wife's fault that you married her thinking she would “cure” you, or because you were pressured, or whatever excuse you use to justify cheating on her?

And that's what ruins it for the rest of us. Not me so much as I don't see myself marrying anyone. But what about two gay men that really want to be married? It's ruined for them because of all of the closet gays who cheat on their wives. If they don't respect the institution of their marriages than how do the rest of us convince the state governments that the rest of the gay and lesbian population that we have respect for ours? What's to stop a gay man from sleeping with another man outside the marriage? You know it's an angle those opposing gay marriage would love to try out and it's being handed to them on silver platter.

My point here is that honesty is the best policy. It's not always convenient. People will be hurt. And if you have to remain in the closet than be prepared for the consequences of your actions, which may or may not lead to a marriage to a person you do not love.

This brings me to the second type of closet homosexual. Usually this is a person who belonged to the former category for a time. Only instead of hiding it and getting in over their head, this man did in fact come out of the closet.

Maybe the timing was off. Maybe they were a teenager and their parents shipped them off to a “re-education” facility or they were harassed, bullied, run out of town, or whatever happened that forced them back into the closet. Yes these things still happen now and when they do it makes my blood boil. Just like racism still exists so does hatred and intolerance for people who choose to openly acknowledge their sexuality.

The trouble with certain members of this group is that they generally teeter on the threshold of the closet, with one foot clinging to the shoe rack as the rest of their body dangles over the living room carpet. To put it more clearly, these people are more obvious than most openly gay men and yet they will put their hand up before God and swear they are straight.

Case in point. I recently received a ride to my house with a taxi driver who was one raspy voice short of being Robin William's brother in Mrs. Doubtfire. He commented on my groceries and said that my wife must be very happy.

“Well,” I said. “I don't actually have a wife.”

“Oh you'll find the right woman, some day.”

I smirked.

“Actually, that's not very likely.”

Now, I'm not flamboyantly open about being gay. I will mention it if the subject arises, or as the case with responding to comments about girlfriends and wives, I'll make a brief mention of how I will never have to worry about what one or the other will think of me. Still it usually takes a while for someone to catch on to my meaning. This guy picked it up pretty fast.

“Now be careful,” he said, rather sternly. “Because I got divorced and I chose that route afterwards. People will pick on you if you choose it.”

Now, he wasn't so bad. But rather than force the “you can't choose who you are” argument I let it drop. In truth I felt sorry for the guy. Again, the timing probably wasn't right with him. But at least he was divorced and free to do whatever he wanted, even if it was lying to himself. But the problem with people like him is that because they had such a crappy experience of coming out, they expect other people to suffer like they did.

All in all my biggest pet peeves about the gay and lesbian culture are: Forcing your beliefs on someone else and/or lying to the point that it harms someone else. This is a pet peeve of any society or culture really, but it's definitely one that I feel that we as a group need to focus on.


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    • gr82bme profile image


      7 years ago from USA

      I have to agree with MW. I love how he has said " If all I could see is how they spend their time in bed, Then there would be something wrong with me not them.

      He is right. Do we look at our straight friends and wonder how they or even if they have sex? No I don't.

      My mom and dad had been divorced for a long time. When I was a teen I would start encouraging my mom to go out. We were old enough and she needed to start a life with some friends. Well my mom met this woman from up the street and she started taking her out. No she was not gay. She just saw my mom needed to have some grownup time. After a while this woman found a man and now my mom was the third wheel and started going out on her own. Then I started getting concern. I was afraid she would get hurt or something.

      One day a "guy friend" came to pick her up of course I was Leary of him. So when my mom got home that night I told her I did not think she should go out with "strange men" She then informed me that she was very safe with him he would never touch her...he was a gay friend. Boy was I releived. Yes relieved, I trusted him with my mom's saftey and he told me he loved my mom and would never let anything happen to her.

      We all became very close friends.

      Oh, nice to meet you. You have been to my hub Proof there are UFOS. So I thought I would come and check you out.


      Sorry too much coffee this morning. LOL

    • Michael Willis profile image

      Michael Willis 

      7 years ago from Arkansas

      The person I just cannot stand is the one who believes that you are defined by your sexual preference in bed.

      Why the hell is it their business anyways?

      You are who you are and those type of people are not worth having around anyways. They cannot judge others if they are alone.

      I have friends, for the sake of the subject, who are gay and straight. I don't see them as "Gay or Straight." I see them as "friends!"

      If all I could see is how they spend their time in bed, then there would be something wrong, not them.

    • Nicole1963 profile image


      7 years ago from Silverdale, WA

      I find myself smiling as I read your hub and shake my head in agreement with you. However, as I do not know each and every individual that may fit in these categories I believe that I will choose not to hate them but rather to hope that they one day find clarification about themselves and find a way to be at peace with their feelings

    • La La Loggins profile image

      La La Loggins 

      8 years ago from Burlington, Vermont

      Have you seen that House episode dealing with a "converted" gay man who is not so converted after all? It's called, "The Choice," or something like that. I thought of it when you were referring to the first type of closeted gay people you don't like. Men that find themselves in a marriage to someone they are not attracted to is normal. Men that realize/know they aren't attracted to women and still marry them, that is asking for trouble. Why would you do it? In the House episode, towards the end when his fiancée is about to leave him, he screams at her that he HAS to Marry her. He can overcome his desire to be with men, as long as he sees his homosexuality as a CHOICE. But it isn't, is it? A gay man who remains in the closet, happily married to his wife, is not going to be faithful. He will be posting 2toTango ads for those discrete activities of which you speak. It can only end in tragedy, loss of self-esteem, confusion, and distrust.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I really liked the article as well. Although I am not gay, I generally found closet gays to be a bit uncomfortable to hang around because, case in point, they will deny for a second that they are. I mean, I don't mind the company of openly gay people. I'd much rather anyone just acknoledge their sexuality sooner rather than later. Thankfully, a friend of mine found out in Grade 8 that he was gay. It didn't necessarily make life for him any easier, but rather a great deal less challenging.

      My advice to all those still hanging in the closet: come out of it and everyone who knows you will have an easier time accepting you for who you are regardless of your sexuality. Thank you.


    • ZackW.Van profile image


      8 years ago from Wisconsin Area

      OOOH I love this article. It speaks right up my ally with how I feel. The second type; my school is filled with them.

      It is so absurd. It's exactly like you said though. I mean, they act gayer than me and I am open about it, but they swear up and down they are not. So anoying. But you very eloquently adressed my frustrations. Great work.

    • profile image

      RS Wight 

      8 years ago

      Personally, I am sick to death of the gay "issue" in this country! The problem with it is that heterosexuals never have to question why they are heterosexual, it is just accepted as "normal".

      I did not choose to be attracted to men, it would have never occurred to me to make that choice. It wasn't a question of fitting in or being right with God, I was just attracted to men! I honestly don't believe that it's any different for gay people, there is no choice in the matter... it just is. We are born who we are, whether that be black, white, tall, short, gay or "straight", it's neither learned nor (my personal favorite) a "lifestyle choice". You can't change your mind at some point, it's not a political affiliation!

      My only caveat to that statement would be for a certain subset of women. I have met many women who have, after a number of bad relationships with men, turned to women. This particular "choice" may or may not have anything to do with sexual preference. Case in point; my aunt has always been a lesbian and is now married to (has been for over 25 years) a woman who was married to an abusive husband for almost 20 years. This woman has never claimed to be gay and states that she still finds men attractive but has found a loving and accepting relationship with a woman where she is happy.

      So, I got off point somewhere along the line. My point is that the closet gays you describe are passing judgment on others because they feel that they are abnormal for one reason or another, when the truth is that they live in a world where there is no such thing as normal.


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