- Gender and Relationships
Two Types of Gay Person I Can't Stand
I Saw You ~ Missed Connections
Check out this graphic novel sometime if you want to read up on them, you're in for a laugh but I warn you there is some explicit imagery and it is not for little eyes.
There are basically two types of closet homosexual that I can't stand. And this is not to say that I condemn a person for his life choices. I do however have a problem when those life choices lead to condemning someone or harming them emotionally or physically.
The first type falls under the latter category. Typically this is a married man or woman who is not satisfied with their partner, got married for the wrong reasons, were pressured by society or whatever excuse they'll come up with first. Either way this person is gay but for some reason or another chose to marry someone of the opposite gender.
Check the wanted ads of your preferred alternative newspaper or even the ads in craigslit.com and you will see a number of these individuals seeking a companion for a discreet sexual encounter.
Discreet sexual encounter. One night only. You host. Sometimes they're looking for a younger, inexperienced man or an older person who can “teach” them or be a kind of parent figure. Trust me there are some interesting ones out there.
If you ever want to understand what I have against this behavior, you need look no further than the gay rights movement and the long uphill battle so that gays and lesbians could marry whomever they chose. You could say the last ten years have been tricky. What was the big argument against same sex marriages? That marriage was between and man and a woman. That marriage is a sacred institution.
I couldn't agree more. Marriage is a sacred institution. It's the choice two people make to be together for the rest of their lives and to only be with each other in the sexual capacity. What do you call it when a married man seeks sexual contact outside that sacred institution? It's called adultery.
It doesn't matter if you, a married man of thirty-six with three kids and a loving wife, have always preferred men. Because you entered into a binding agreement with that woman that said you would only be with her. Is it your wife's fault that you married her thinking she would “cure” you, or because you were pressured, or whatever excuse you use to justify cheating on her?
And that's what ruins it for the rest of us. Not me so much as I don't see myself marrying anyone. But what about two gay men that really want to be married? It's ruined for them because of all of the closet gays who cheat on their wives. If they don't respect the institution of their marriages than how do the rest of us convince the state governments that the rest of the gay and lesbian population that we have respect for ours? What's to stop a gay man from sleeping with another man outside the marriage? You know it's an angle those opposing gay marriage would love to try out and it's being handed to them on silver platter.
My point here is that honesty is the best policy. It's not always convenient. People will be hurt. And if you have to remain in the closet than be prepared for the consequences of your actions, which may or may not lead to a marriage to a person you do not love.
This brings me to the second type of closet homosexual. Usually this is a person who belonged to the former category for a time. Only instead of hiding it and getting in over their head, this man did in fact come out of the closet.
Maybe the timing was off. Maybe they were a teenager and their parents shipped them off to a “re-education” facility or they were harassed, bullied, run out of town, or whatever happened that forced them back into the closet. Yes these things still happen now and when they do it makes my blood boil. Just like racism still exists so does hatred and intolerance for people who choose to openly acknowledge their sexuality.
The trouble with certain members of this group is that they generally teeter on the threshold of the closet, with one foot clinging to the shoe rack as the rest of their body dangles over the living room carpet. To put it more clearly, these people are more obvious than most openly gay men and yet they will put their hand up before God and swear they are straight.
Case in point. I recently received a ride to my house with a taxi driver who was one raspy voice short of being Robin William's brother in Mrs. Doubtfire. He commented on my groceries and said that my wife must be very happy.
“Well,” I said. “I don't actually have a wife.”
“Oh you'll find the right woman, some day.”
“Actually, that's not very likely.”
Now, I'm not flamboyantly open about being gay. I will mention it if the subject arises, or as the case with responding to comments about girlfriends and wives, I'll make a brief mention of how I will never have to worry about what one or the other will think of me. Still it usually takes a while for someone to catch on to my meaning. This guy picked it up pretty fast.
“Now be careful,” he said, rather sternly. “Because I got divorced and I chose that route afterwards. People will pick on you if you choose it.”
Now, he wasn't so bad. But rather than force the “you can't choose who you are” argument I let it drop. In truth I felt sorry for the guy. Again, the timing probably wasn't right with him. But at least he was divorced and free to do whatever he wanted, even if it was lying to himself. But the problem with people like him is that because they had such a crappy experience of coming out, they expect other people to suffer like they did.
All in all my biggest pet peeves about the gay and lesbian culture are: Forcing your beliefs on someone else and/or lying to the point that it harms someone else. This is a pet peeve of any society or culture really, but it's definitely one that I feel that we as a group need to focus on.