The Mysterious Male

Since the Garden of Eden understanding the opposite sex has been a topic of much controversy. But mostly it seems to be the male of the species that’s a complete mystery to women. Go to any website on the matter and you’ll find volumes dedicated to this field of study…more than likely written by women.

Simply put, women are emotionally driven having an insatiable need to talk things out. Men, on the other hand are problem solvers. They have no need for discussion. Men normally will regard any discussion as nagging. Look at the situation, fix it and move on is their usual procedure.

In actuality, men are simplistic beings having few needs and come in a variety of different packages broken down into a few basic categories. The male isn’t hard to understand at all, if you take note of the following material.

First, there is “The Jock” which is easy to spot. Usually wears a football jersey or other sports apparel emblazoned with their favorite team. Habitually found parked on a sofa with other “jocks” engrossed in viewing some sports game. Or, he may be at the actual game or his favorite sports bar…where you’re not. In either situation, it would be useless to try and engage him in conversation. Women interested in a relationship with a “jock” should feign interest in his favorite sport.

Then there is “The Intellectual”. Sometimes can be engaged in conversation…providing you let him retain the illusion he’s smarter than you. However, conversation is mostly one-sided with him doing most of the conversing. The simplest method to stop an intellectual windbag is to make an intelligent suggestion. At this point the offended male will normally do one of two things. Simply shut up or angrily ask “If you didn’t need my help, why did you ask”? Relationships here require patience and great acting skills of faking interest.

Another is the “The Couch Potato”. You all know him. Found curled up on the couch with a remote and a beer, channel surfing. You’d have better luck forming a relationship with a deaf and dumb guy.

Moving on we find “The Showoff”. Constantly finds ways to demonstrate his physical prowess. They accomplish this by twisting open food jar lids, wearing “tank tops”, arm wrestling with friends and so on. (Not to be confused with “The Jock”.) “Showoffs need constant praise and reassurance. An association with this category also requires patience and great acting abilities.

Sometimes men can possess attributes from several different classifications, for example, “The Conceited Guy”. Usually will only engage in conversations pertaining to them, are self absorbed and also need constant praise and attention.

The most mysterious however is “The Quiet, Shy and Reserved”. Not much is known about this classification since they rarely speak to anyone about anything.

Obviously, there are many other classifications diversifying the ranks of the male species. These are just a few the most commonly found.

You will notice sex hasn’t been discussed in this article…mainly because it’s a biological necessity for both sexes and going to happen regardless.

To summarize, men don’t like discussing emotional issues, are self absorbed and generally aren’t much help with domestic household chores.

Face it gals, other than being necessary for propagation of the human species or a source of financial stability, men are for lack of a better word…boring.

Note:  This article was written as satire.  Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.