Unconditional Love in a Relationship

As Valentine's day fast approaches, this brings me to think about human relationships. Humans have so many conditions for loving someone and yet we are the smartest species that live on the planet.

We have become so judgemental of all things. Everyone is a compilation of strengths and weaknesses, of brilliance and of flaws. The major goal in most people's lives is conquering the deep inner struggle for self-acceptance. On this battlefield, one must eventually understand that self-acceptance doesn't have to be a war at all. It's actually a surrendering.

When we surrender to our own flaws, we can then move on to the acceptance of others flaws. You don't want him to change you so don't try to change him.

Unconditional love is accepting someone as they are completely without judging them. You want to change him or her because you don't like short hair. Their hair has been short since day one. You fell in love with them and all their flaws, but over time you think they will be submissive to your demands.

It doesn't work like that. Be who you are and find someone that you can love that loves you no matter how many flaws they have.

If you've ever known the love of an animal, you know the feeling: It's playing a game of fetch with your dog when you're happy or cuddling with your cat when you're sad; it's the feeling of a wet nose nuzzling your cheek or the sound of a concerned whimper. It's looking into a pair of wide, empathetic eyes that seem to understand you on a deeper level. If you're an animal lover, you know this already to be true: animals are capable of deep, unconditional love.

How can the smartest species on earth (humans) be so dumb at love? We suck really badly at it except for a few people who actually get it.

It has been proven that :

Wolves howl for their missing pack members. After years of study, they started to realize that wolves cry out from distress when they miss an absent member of their pack.

Elephants die of broken hearts and bury their loved ones. Elephants are among the most emotional creatures of the animal kingdom and one of their most compelling acts of love is their expression of grief for a lost loved one. These gentle giants have been known to die of broken hearts after the death of a mother, child, friend or mate.

Orca whales' brains are more emotionally developed than those of humans. Despite their name, killer whales are not the beasts of the ocean they've been painted to be. According to research highlighted in the eye-opening documentary about orca whales raised in captivity at SeaWorld, Blackfish, orcas particularly have a part of the brain tied to emotional intelligence that is in some ways, more developed than humans

Otters hold hands to keep from drifting apart at sea. Not only are mating pairs of otters big on cuddling and napping, they look out for each other ... even in their sleep! As seen in photographs taken in the wild and captivity, otters are known to hold hands in groups called a raft while they eat, sleep and rest, to prevent families from losing each other. They're even known to wrap sea plants around them to secure the bond.

This is clearly only a handful of animals who show unconditional love. Its not just dogs and cats.

Relationships are like a flowing river; conditions are like restricting walls. When held forcibly, water stagnates. Relationships when held with conditions, deteriorate. Conditions in a relationship are like trying to hold down a dragon using many chains. As soon as the dragon is chained, it begins to struggle to break free.

This is when all the anger starts to spark. We are never satisfied with each other. We have to make conditions that are acceptable for me to love you.

Relationships with conditions become stagnate. They lose their love and that is when it starts moving in the wrong direction. To avoid this, get to know a person completely and deeply until you have reached so far that you can feel their soul. Its not that hard. When you become submissive in a relationship, you are saying yes I will take you as you are. Now we must not confuse being submissive with abuse. A man wanting a woman to walk behind him, only speak when spoken to and taking his anger out on her with his fist is not accepting a person for who they are. Before getting into that relationship, you should bail out. Not try to fix him because he can't be fixed.

When we first fall in love it is exhilaration. We have butterflies in our bellies, can't wait to see that person again, we can't sleep or eat. All of our being is totally given to the beginning of that relationship.

As time goes on those in love feelings change and it doesn't mean you love that person any less but life happens. You get married, get a career, have children and so the love changes. For 18 years you stop that in love feeling to raise your children. This is why 20 year marriages end up in divorce. You forgot about the way it was in the beginning. You take the other person for granted. They didn't live up to your expectations so you bailed out of your marriage.

It doesn't have to be this way. Couples need to still have date night. Make time for each other. Catch a movie or dinner out just for the sake of quality time. Only you two can keep it going. No one unfortunately can help you. If you talk to a friend they will tell you to leave and find someone else that appreciates you. Well with friends like that who needs enemies.

We can love unconditionally if we choose too. But we have to choose to if we can.