Understand Your Man
Oh that man of mine I'm gonna...............
So you want to understand your man? Do you think you can handle it? The discourse of this message will be blunt in areas, and in others it may well be sarcastic. Sometimes you may agree with me other times you may want to hunt me down and hang me from the highest tree. Hear me out though I have learned a bit in my 50 years and hopefully I can give a little insight by now.
First of all he needs to be nurtured, I don't care how old we get, we as men need nurturing. Nurturing to a man is not the same as the little boy. A little boy takes his mother's nurturing as leadership and guidance. It is a time of learning that what ever he does mommy will be there to support him. It lets him know mommy can make it all better when he messes up, or makes a mess. (Yes, I am still talking about little boys, I know, I know!) Little boys take on a task and look at mommy to see her smile as he accomplishes his endeavor. It is the start of his character building. This is the start of his self esteem. It is also the start of his dependence for the womanly nurturing he will take with him through manhood. Here we go ladies, it is the start of that word we get in trouble because of so many times, his masculinity.
Men need acceptance. I could end this paragraph right here enough said. Men need acceptance from their wives, constantly, always, everyday. Men naturally are bold, defensive and the KING of their castle. Never letting it come into harms way. Men stand up for their family and display their strength any way they can. Call it ego, call it being in charge , or a duty, men show power. They need power, they need to feel they can accomplish every task at hand. Back to being a little boy, they look to their wives not for acceptance like from mommy, but approval. A man needs to know his wife approves of all he does. Most things a man gets into is for his wife to approve of him. Building that deck or shed, using his tools and out of the side of his eyes looking to see her approval. A man still needs to hear those words,"I'm proud of you honey". That is our greatest reward, hearing the wife say little phrases like that. A man needs the loving care ( another nurturing type) from his wife. He needs her to show concern, and console him, but, sometimes only on his asking for it. How the #@%$ do I know he is asking for it? I am not telling you that one. Why? Because that is so very different in every man. Some take it as mommy coming back to them and taking care of the baby boy. A man abhors being treated like a baby. He needs the nurturing, but not babying. Fine line there yes I know, but try to keep from crossing it. It will only lead to an eventual drawing away and closing up. The worst problem for husbands and wives is the husband closing up. Gone is communication and trust. The trust leaves because he wants someone by his side, not a mother figure by him. Men can close up enough on their own, we do not need help.
EGOS AND CONFIDENCE
Another fine line is ego. Men take ego in most cases as confidence. Often it gets mixed in a man's life. Some areas he is genuinely confident, others it is ego coming through. Confidence is his ability to provide for his family. His strength in taking on dangers and letting families dwell in safety. It is being a good husband and daddy. It is taking pride in his job. Confidence makes him bold gives his strength in times of sorrow, times of peril. His confidence exudes when a bad storm comes in and he comforts his family, they know with daddy the storm will pass. They know whatever the outcome, however tragic he can make it better. That is a man. Ego comes when he doesn't get the approval he so desires. (see previous paragraph) He let's everyone know just how "good" he is, just what he is capable in doing. He boasts of all abilities and conquers, whether good or bad. He is out for approval, wherever he achieves the want. You know what that can lead to I guess I needn't go into that at this time. His ego is his own buddy, a pal to him. No matter how bold it may become it is very FRAGILE. He will not let interference come to his ego. Some may want to call it his pride, either way it is his. He will defend it no matter what. In this defense if he is not feeling the nurturing of his beloved wife he again turns in. He keeps his thoughts to himself. Closing the drawbridge he dares anyone to cross his mote. He will defend it with his very life if needed. With the hurt ego he is now defending himself rather than the very loved ones he defended before. Try prying it open and very likely he will board it shut even more. Do not get me wrong he is responsible for this not you the wife. It is totally on him. The remedy though is the hardest part. You see, YOU WOMEN are born to pry. You have that nurturing in you naturally and the constant pleading to him is not what he needs OR WANTS. Loving a man is not easy it has pains and annoyances. And believe me being annoying is a man's birthright.
CRUDENESS AND ANNOYANCES
Speaking of a man's birthright is this chapter. We are good at this. We are natural. We know just how to get under our wives skins at any moment and in any place. If we ever wanted to go pro in anything crudeness and annoyances is our expertise. When a man gets comfortable around his lady he will fart and belch. Oops can I say fart? No, a man does not pass gas, he does not pewter, he FARTS. He belches, maybe even trying to say your name as he does it. I know that's gross, hey we are men. He unseemly hacks and spits and is thrilled at the honker he just blew out. I know I know once again that is gross. HEY we are men. We do these things and are just as thrilled when we see our little boys do the same thing. We laugh as mom tries to correct the little one.
We love to annoy. It is our very nature once again to annoy the living day lights out of our wives. I don't know how many times I have heard that line about the last nerve. I stay on it. Pulling pranks or even just being childlike, men love to test their wives. Hopefully you can have a tolerance or sense of humor, it sure helps.
Men end up having to say they are sorry a lot. They open their mouths at the wrong times. One big thing is we do not take into consideration those around us. We hurt the very ones we love the most. Mostly we do this out of stupidness. There are times pressures from other areas bother us so much we take it out on our beloved wife. THE wrong one to hang it out on. But she bares that burden and goes on. She lets it slide knowing times are hard on us. STOP! do not let that happen. In a NON confrontational way let him know you are getting too much pressure from him. Let him know you cannot shoulder the blame for the bad times, especially if you did nothing to create them. Most of the time you are sharing that burden with him. Once you enable him to do this you have lost him. He takes out everything on you. He now knows you will take it. There is a difference to listening to him and letting him berate you with the unfairness of life. It is just as unfair for you having to absorb the harshness of his gripings as him having them. When he comes to his senses and knows he was wrong he will apologize. For men though it is easier for him to show he is sorry than to actually say,"I am sorry". He would rather do something or buy something and say he "messed" up than to say he is sorry. Saying he is sorry is admitting he was wrong. See men may not always be right but they are never wrong. Women on the other hand want to simply hear the words,"I am sorry" and know he means it. They don't want pampering they want truth and honesty. Sorry, but so far I think I am right on track with this hub and will not (yet anyway) apologize.
Maybe this one will be a little shorter of a paragraph. Men are natural born leaders, most of them anyway. A man needs to know he has his senior officer with him in his wife. He needs that little bit of encouragement that the mission he is on is moving safely forward. He needs a help mate not someone else usurping authority over him. If he is to mess up and go down the wrong path he needs someone to aid in his corrective plan. He does not need someone telling him just how wrong he is or to scrap his plan. Again if needed speak to him in a non confrontational way. If perhaps you do argue (it is natural) never ever do it in front of the kids. Now this doe not mean to put them to bed go into another room and have at it. If they can hear it then it is in front of them even if it is not to their precious little faces. The man should lead period. This is in all areas of the family. Decision making, finances and spiritually the man should lead. This is not saying wives have no input, it is putting a man into his responsibilities. Spiritually men need to lead the family. It is the man's duty to love their wives even as Christ loved His church. Strong spiritual leadership of the man makes a strong spiritual family.
Men do not always communicate as they should. I have an entire hub on this so this will be short. Signs a man may be too pressured are not always obvious. There are however a few that do show as warning signs. One is not holding your hand, another is not opening your doors. The loss of showing affection, especially in public, is a major sign. Stop and look is this a sign or is he distracted in some way? Make sure before you approach him. Again be non confrontational with him he may have a lot on his mind. He may need to talk but do not pry, just ask. If he replies then talk. If he doesn't ask him if he needs time. Never assume with a man, it will unquestionably irritate him on make him withdraw. Love him! Make sure to love him. He is a man , brought up by a mother's nurturing, and guiding him for acceptance. He is looking for that approval and acceptance. He may not know how to communicate that to you but he wants to. He wants to give it to you. He has sometimes reached a point he does not know how to talk. LOVE on him, give him your approval and acceptance. He will eventually see it and respond.
Daggumb that all sounds pretty good. Watch out Dr. Phil here I come, but what do I know, I'm just a dumb truck driver!