Understanding the Male Attitude towards Divorce

A marriage breaks down. The parties separate. Unless it is due to the wife's unfaithfulness or the desire of the man to marry another woman, he makes little effort to obtain a divorce.

He's taken his stuff from the matrimonial home, (unless the wife has moved out). He is living his own life and comfortable. He enjoys his freedom, his singularity and has little interest in getting into another serious relationship, considering his past experiences.

He is content to date, even shack up, but the legal bounds of a divorce where everything from the children to the furniture to the bank account is going to be arbitrated by an outside force is not appetizing.

He can attract women who relish the feeling of superiority in capturing another woman's husband. The allure of seducing a married man gives a number of women a real ego boost.

He get's the ease of being able to end relationships by admitting he's married and going back to his wife.

In short, he's gotten the easy path to meaningless affairs and a private life.

Why change that?

In most cases, outside of adultery on the wife's part, most men aren't anxious to be divorced, and open to other possibilities.

It is enough they don't live with the wife. It is relished that they can't be tricked into marriage since they are already married.

The only ones who care about divorce are his current girl friends. Those who want to make it a real relationship will pressure him.

Often, to play along, men will casually consult a lawyer. The point of this encounter is to tell the girlfriend they spoke to a lawyer.

They often delay in presenting documents, paying retainers, even showing up for consultation. This clear evidence that they really don't want that official decree.

Chet hadn't bothered to divorce his wife. Although they'd been apart over seven years, neither made the move. There was no reason to. He casually dated as did she, and neither was thinking of a second marriage.

Chet met a rich powerful woman who resembled the Pillsbury Doughboy. She was entranced by him. She bought him everything, took him everywhere.

Then she became pregnant. She demanded Chet divorce Number One.

To calm her he made a lame attempt to retain a lawyer. He didn't want to marry Doughboy. Yes, he liked her money, he liked her position, but was reluctant to make their relationship official.

Ms. Doughboy, tired of the delay, now approaches the lawyer. She will pay for the Divorce. She hands over a wad of cash, and the documents.

How long Chet will take to serve the Divorce Petition should alert Ms. Doughboy that he doesn't want to marry her.

Her pregnancy should never have been used as the device to gain Mrs. status.

When a couple separates and neither moves for Divorce the question is 'Why?'

Inaction of the parties suggests that there is no impetus to dissolve the marriage. As years pass and neither makes an effort, it is a flag neither sees the reason to sever ties.

It is not so much the idea of reconciliation, it is the desire not to be in a position to remarry. Thus they opt for the status of marriage without the marriage.

Women who get involved with men who have neglected to divorce their wives have gotten involved with a man who has no intention of marrying again.

These men like the 'protection' of marriage so that any woman is the 'Other'. Women who date them take them with that 'impediment'.

If a woman is interested in a fling or a part time lover or a hook up, he is perfect. But falling in love with such a man is contraindicated. He doesn't want to get married again. He likes not being able to get married.

When a couple separates and makes no move for reconcilliation nor attempts to gain a divorce, it is clear that they do not wish to marry again.

Many men don't go for a divorce because they don't want to marry the female they are with. They may shut them up for a time by claiming they 'spoke' to a lawyer, but unless that female is rabid and pressures him, he is not going through with it.

Ms Doughboy paid for everything, and he married her, and he took him to her country as a souvenir.

So there he is, thousands of miles away, being supported by a woman who he really wouldn't want to be found dead with.