- Gender and Relationships
Unspoken Dating Rules: Did You Know What Second Dates Imply?
When I was in college, I experienced more than one fiasco resulting from different expectations between myself and male humans.
At the time, I assumed that these misunderstandings were just natural; all social activity brings with it a fair amount of confusion and conflict. While I still believe this to be the case, I have recently been informed that I was at fault in several situations. You see, I did not know what certain actions imply, and in many cases, at least according to some (apparently widely understood) unspoken dating rules, I was leading people on!
Let's put an end to this vicious cycle, shall we? Let's make sure that future socially inept gals and guys don't make the same mistakes. Let's make the rules CLEAR!
On that note, here's a big one: Apparently, if you agree to meet with someone you have just met a second time, you are implying that you are attracted to that person and are game for being more-than-friends.
Variations of this rule include:
- If you agree to go on a date with a friend, classmate, or colleague, you are implying that you're attracted to him or her.
- If you agree to go on a date with anyone you've met in person before, you are implying that you'r attracted him or her.
This probably doesn't surprise you, but it sure did surprise me.
What should you do if you want to meet someone again, but not date him/her?
The Second Date Rule
Call me a dunce, but it simply did not occur to me that, by expressing interest in hanging out with new acquaintances again, I was implying physical attraction.
That said, it makes sense. So I am glad to know the rule!
- One party may think it is a date while the other party assumes this rendezvous is just some friendly time-killing between new acquaintances.
DISCUSSION QUESTION: Is the onus then on an individual to clarify the status of a meeting every time one meets new people one-on-one when the meeting type is not clearly specified?
- While both parties may assume that it is a date, one party may realize that he or she is not attracted to the other party. That said, he or she may still wish to be friends.
DISCUSSION QUESTION: How does said party arrange for future meetings without leading the other party on? Or must the prospect of a friendship be abandoned?
I would love to hear your advice on these complications. Share them in the comments below, or add your opinion to the poll to the left!
What About You?
Have you ever led someone on by mistake?
Aside from agreeing to to on a second date on the spot, there are other practices that I have discovered may be misinterpreted as expressions of physical attraction by the other party. They include:
- Sustained eye contact
- Toying with hair (if female)
- Placing hands on hips (if female)
- Physical contact of any sort
- A generally pleasant meeting
Have you ever lead someone on by mistake? Share your horror stories and words of warning in the comments below. Perhaps, just perhaps, we can learn from each other's mistakes.
... Though it really isn't the end of the world if we don't. Social fiascos are pretty amusing.