Want to be Accepted? Be Acceptable

I see a lot of homosexuals feeling the need to defend themselves, which is understandable sometimes, but why must a lot of homosexuals become specifically what they despise? I hear, over and over, complaints about how rude and nasty anti-gay people can be; however, the backlash from the homosexual community leaves me speechless at times with the ego and hostility in their response to disagreement, disapproval, or differing opinion of any kind, and sometimes even to those who question because they genuinely want to just understand.

Being out and proud is great, but being out and proud and rude is not. Why care what people think about your sex life or how you dress? Why care if someone doesn’t like your new rainbow bumper sticker or the fact that you’re feminine and prefer a masculine-appearing woman? Why must we feel the need to defend it? Do you think their disapproval makes you any less gay? If you’re going to educate, do it cordially. There’s really no need for attacking someone because they aren’t gay, just like there really is no need to attack someone because they aren’t heterosexual. We ask for acceptance, well first you must be acceptable.

Homosexuality will never be a “norm” as long as we don’t allow it to be. When I am questioned about my sexuality, I aim to educate, not defend. I am aware that this has recently blown up in the public eye and therefore many people have been forced to focus on something that hasn’t always been so public. When it becomes political there will always be argument.

I am not ever trying to recruit or convert anyone from one side to another - I simply let them know my perspective, share my personal experience, etc. I am never angry or on defense if someone questions me, even when they aren’t so polite about it. If they do become offensive I just excuse myself from the conversation. I may feel a little pained at how limited their scope is, which will not allow them to be able to comfortably live in a world full of such diversity, but other than that I just move on and ignore them. I assure you one angry person will never ever change me. A crowd of angry people won’t either. I don’t even waste my time. Why allow someone to ruffle your feathers when there are so many other productive things to do in a day? They’ve basically won if this is some sort of competition - they set out to upset you and you let them.

I had a heterosexual female ask me the other day if lesbians were attracted to all women, implying “are you attracted to me?” Her body language spoke a lot louder than her actual question. I kind of found it to be cute/humorous, so I obliged her with my personal opinion, which was no, lesbians are not attracted to all women, just like heterosexual women are not attracted to all men. She blushed. I told her I feel, as a lesbian, that I am more open to and able to comfortably express it when I recognize beauty in another female, but that does not mean I am sexually attracted to every woman that I find beautiful. I see beauty in a lot of different ways. A woman’s strength and confidence can be beautiful, the way she does her hair and applies her makeup can be beautiful, the way she walks or talks, smiles, makes eye contact, expresses emotion, an outfit she’s wearing, the way she tends to her children, etc. all can be beautiful to me. I appreciate beauty in all forms, and I do look for it in even the ugliest of places, but when I find it I don’t become aroused. I appreciate it and move on. Kind of like seeing a beautiful flower, acknowledging its existence, and leaving it to grow. I also do not find every woman on the planet to be beautiful or desirable as even friends, and furthermore, I do not find every lesbian to be desirable either.

I have, however, found it quite interesting that most of the girls who are offended by their assumption that lesbians are attracted to all women also get offended if you tell them you’re not attracted to them. On some deep subconscious level, I think most of us would rather be desirable than undesirable - even to a lesbian!

I could have responded to her question in a completely different way and attempted to humiliate her for even considering it to be a possibility. I could have lashed out and said “See! That’s the problem with all you straight girls! Don’t flatter yourself! I don’t find your kind attractive at all!” I have seen a response like this more often than I care to admit and every single time it disgusts me. It, to me, is like one step forward two steps back. I believe you get a lot further with kindness rather than rudeness. We want to be accepted, so be acceptable.