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Wanted - A Friend....
How to make friends
Making friends is difficult...
Making friends is difficult… at least for me. I have always found it difficult to find someone that I could relate to. Maybe it was because I was shy. Maybe it was because I am a little on the abnormal side! (But I guess that depends on your definition of abnormal!) Maybe it was because I was chunky. Maybe I never wore the right clothes. Maybe it was because my family was poor. Maybe it was that horrible bowl cut I had in 6th grade. Regardless of the reason, I always found it difficult to reach out to new people. Therefore I surrounded myself with lifetime friends, and not just acquaintances.
The problem is, the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. The opportunities just aren’t there. After all, it isn’t like finding a date where you can go to a bar and scoop out some attractive being of the opposite sex and exchange phone numbers. If a girl went up to a girl in a bar and asked for her number, they might get a little bit of a strange look! If a guy went up to another guy and did the same thing… well, someone might have their lights punched out.
Finding friends over 30 might prove to be even harder still. It seems with each passing decade the milestones in your life make it harder and harder to meet people of the same milestones. Maybe it is the comfort zone you are in. More and more, you keep to yourself because you have your schedule and you have your routine. Change is uncomfortable and putting yourself out there is dangerous.
When in your 20s, people go to bars and clubs a plenty (especially with the infamous 21st birthday to celebrate!) To work off all that extra beer weight, they might even find themselves with a gym membership. Both are great locations to meet new friends. To top it off, some are still in college and are surrounding themselves with a peer group that might prove to be memorable for ages to come. It seems opportunities to meet new people are all around you… there really is no choice but to meet someone new!
When you head into your 30s, chances are high that you have meet the one and have already established a friend group. It seems these two factors make people unwelcoming to others joining into a new group. This makes it difficult to make new friends. To top it off, the bar scene has probably become a bore (either that or you have your own children and babysitters are rare!) A person this age are probably well into a routine, whether it be work, home and bed!
This is the age group I fit in. Recently, my husband and kids have moved to Southern California. I have left behind family and friends from the Midwest. While I do have family out here, it seems my friend base is lacking. While family is great, nothing beats a friend who will go to coffee with you or just hang out because they enjoy your company. Someone who will listen to your rants and raves; someone who you can share your life with (but goes home with someone else!)
Back on the market
So here I am, back in the friend market once again. While I have no intention of replacing lifelong friends from back home, I can only hope to add to the ones I already have.
Wanted: Female friend who is interested in finding a real friend; someone who listens and someone who can hold a decent conversation. Looking for someone that holds similar interests - such as photography, scrapbooking, sports, working out, and cooking. Board game (or video game lover) is a bonus. Prefers someone with high family values. Looking for someone who is trustworthy, honest, and overall just a fun person to be with. Qualified person would be interested in fun times, new experiences, and creating what will hopefully be a lifetime friend! Serious inquires only.
Finding a friend can be difficult in this day and age. It seems everyone out there is afraid of getting hurt. They don’t want to open themselves up for potential hurt. The problem is, if you don’t open yourself up for potential hurt, you may be missing out on an experience of a lifetime. So go ahead and open yourself up. Create your own “Friend Wanted” Ad. You never know who you may meet because of it!
Lonely... it's a challenge
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Comments
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@Jenny - True friends are hard to come by... therefore when you find one you should grab a hold and not let go! :)
U ar very normer nd ok in evry tin is just dat is very dificult to find true frien is only God knowns
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@daisynicolas - Unfortunately having a dog is not an option. We are renting our residence and it is stated in the lease that we can not have pets. However, I do have a friend that I walk her dogs for her because she works alot of hours. I have noticed that while I am walking them, I do get a whole lot of intention because people (especially pet lovers) are just drawn to them!
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@mljdgulley354 - I can totally relate. When we lived in Wisconsin we had made several friends and really planted our roots. Now that we live in California, we don't know nearly as many people and family seems to be the main source of accompaniment. That being said, to move to a place that was affordable, also meant we now live a 40 minute drive away from family. Ah... sometimes you can't win! LOL
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@Stephanie - I think the hardest part about making friends is still needing to have something in common with them. We have talked to some of our neighbors out here since we moved but we have never really clicked. There are people out there... now it is just about finding them! :) Thanks for stopping by. It doesn't make me feel so alone when I know others feel the same way!
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@peoplepower73 - I have never heard of toastmasters before. I do however have an account with meet-up, which is an online based site that allows you to meet people with similar interests. The positive is there are so many different hobbies and interests that are available. The downfall is, depending on your area doesn't necessarily mean there will be something of interest for you. It depends on whether or not someone is willing to spend their money to become the administrator. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the comment! :)
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@cclitgirl - You bring up some very valid points. It is definitely an odd thought to think that all of us that feel this way would end up being the majority. And probably if we all got together because of our mutual feelings we would become friends, but yet we might just be a tad to shy to actually do that. I too prefer more close friends instead of simple aquatainces. I think those are the friendships that last. However, I am still working to find close friends where I am living right now and that proves very difficult. Luckily, the ones I do have I would do anything for and they would do the same for me! :)
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@cebutouristspot - YOu couldn't be more spot on... and I guess I would rather have some rock solid friendships then people who are just acquantences! :)
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@Brett - Funny that you mentioned that. I know when I was in the Army one of the things I found was it was easy to make friends. One of the reason was because we all shared being away from home and being new. So everybody welcomed others with open arms. However in the real world here... it isn't always like that. Thanks for throwing another perspective in there as we don't always see situations like that! :)
Get a dog! But you must love and care for that dog as a friend should and even more, as a family member would. A good well-behaved dog opens up friendship with other dog-loving people who frequent parks and your neighborhood pathways. It becomes easier to talk to people. You become busier with all the activities you have to do with your dog. I know when I had my dog, I became more patient and at ease with people. And it also helps that dogs has the propensity to make you giggle and laugh. Longing for a friend or friends is natural and it happens all the time. It happens to me all the time, but being with my dog makes my life worth living.
I know how you feel. Moving to Oregon to be with my family after 30 years,I now have family close but no friends I can just hang out with.
Moving to a new area and trying to make new friends is difficult! When I was younger, I forced myself to join a club where I met a few kindred spirits. Now it's harder. Like RealHousewife, when I moved to a new state, I thought we'd meet the neighbors and become part of a little community. It was not that easy! But keep trying and eventually you'll find a few people who are also open to new friendships. Nice hub. It says many of the things that we all feel.
barbergirl, you should try joining a club like toastmasters. They teach you how to overcome your fear of public speaking, but it's also a social gathering where people have many of the same interests and are mutually supportive. They are an international organization and you can google for one near you. Thanks for SHARING.
I had SO many thoughts while reading this. Where do I start? Here are some snippets of my thinking:
-If we could take all the people in the world who actually feel like you do (I do, too!) and put 'em together, I'd be willing to bet we're a MAJORITY!
-Introverts are often the kind of people who form small groups of LIFETIME friends. It's completely okay! I have a small group of friends that I've kept in touch with since I was young. I have two new friends that I hang out with all the time (with my husband) and we don't hang out with others that much - I love FRIENDS, not just acquaintances.
-It took me a long time to accept - really accept - that I am not going to have 1000 friends on facebook, that my lifetime friends are the only ones I need (with other lifetime friends to come along, too, I'm sure), family and now...some of my internet friends. :) I'm also lucky: when I met my husband, he felt EXACTLY the same way.
-You're normal. And...I'm normal, too. Hehehehe.
Great hub, voted up and SHARED.
A great hub you have written. Well making friend is not really easy making acquaintance is the easy one :) Thanks for sharing
A very honest piece, your personality really shows through in your hubs. Over here in Asia it is kind of different. As 'English speakers' tend to flock together, it is easy to meet friends. However, it is hard to meet anyone in the 30-50 age bracket. Most over here are 'just out of uni' or traveling retired ... some wonderful people, but not many in my age group.
SOCIALLY SHARED and voted up.
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@shuck72 - It is odd how when we are younger it seems so easy to make friends and the older we get... the less open we are to other friendships. It is almost as if we are comfortable with our life. I have known couples that have gotten a divorce and literally when it comes to dividing the propery the friends seem to go with. It is a difficult situation but in the same sense, but it also shows you who your true friends are. Thanks for stopping by! Glad you found this article intriguing! :)
Great article, never had thought about it before but makes lots of sense. Also lots well half of us end up going through divorces and then there is the whole splitting/siding of friends typically at the worst time in our 30's 40's. voted up
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@ilaya - Happy New Year to you as well. Hope 2012 proves to be a good one for you! :)
happy new year
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Thanks for the insightful comment. I will have to agree with you... I definitely feel that I have better virtual friends, especially through hubpages than in real life. The true friends are far a few between, but I guess the less real friends you have, the less guilty you feel when you are already a very busy person! :) I am glad to add you as another online friend.
My daughter (who is 34)and single has the same issues and I feel sad for her and anyone interested in finding friends. A great Hub here barbergirl! I will tell you that I have more virtual friends than anyone can ask for! I had joined a social networking group in 2006 and although now defunct, many have moved over to Facebook. Some of us have met in real time and others have remained steadfast, loyal and always there for me all the time. I find it has helped me find more people close by who march to a similar drum as well! I am a busy woman, so do not want many friends in the physical to have to keep up with...so I have just enough and I am happy! And I will be 56 this year!
Thanks! Voting up.
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I think we are in the same predicament Azure... however, I have found that my imaginary friends on Hubpages has definitely helped. Unfortunately, that means I also spend a lot of time on the internet. Let's raise our glasses in hopes of meeting people that we click with!
Completely agree with you - am early forties and also find it hard to make friends - doesn't really help when you live in 2 countries I know and maybe I bring that on myself! I have some brilliant close friends who I love but I'm not really a girly girl so there aren't a lot of girls that I really 'click' with. Added to that being single at my age is not good when all of your friends are married with kids etc so also feel a bit of an outcast!
Great idea not to dwell on the negative, when you've obviously renewed my faith in the fact there's other females out there that think like I do! (and you) Like, we can't just go up to someone and give them our phone number and say "let's hang out" without getting their "back off weirdo" look! LOL! I'm glad Mr. Q writes his crazy hubs:) otherwise we'd of not met! So, I must remember to thank him! :) If we ever cross paths at least we know we can trust each other, and even to look out for others! :) lol yes do write a hub on it! I'll be happy to read and comment! :)
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It definitely sounds like we would have a blast together... and don't worry, I don't take things either. I had a babysitter that stole all my tips from me and since then I have had a very hard time trusting people... ahhh, but I will try not to dwell on the negative. LOL - but maybe I will write a hub about it ;)
::ugh:: WHY OH WHY do I meet the people I wish I could be friends with and they might as well be a million miles away! I too enjoy the things you mentioned above! Like video games (yes, but I'm stuck in the past on one game, Saga that goes through a tunnel lol) and LOVE Scrapbooking, maybe we can change some photos! I'm making several with different themes. One of my parents as they've passed on, but I have "their" them/life in their own place! :) I too have a hard time making friends, as I said in email I don't like very many people! And I'm in North Carolina (a million miles away lol) but I met one girl and darn if she didn't steal the money out of a bathroom "fish" piggy bank! Um, not my idea of a friendship, so I'm always on the defense when it comes to making new friends (female friends) and spend most of my time alone because of that! In either event I'm glad to read your down to earth stories and I too have had photography from high school/adult ed after that and then in college! See, ugh :( we'd have a blast if we weren't a million miles apart! (I don't take things that don't belong to me lol) :) Best wishes Barbergirl!
Well you are very witty and funny - you should speak out more often:)
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That's a cute story... it just goes to show that people just aren't as nice as they used to be. Then again... I can't fault them. I am very shy as well, so I have a hard time just striking up a conversation.
I moved 5 years ago to the burbs - I expected new neighbors to introduce themselves or maybe say hi? Never happened. Not once. After a few years - I found out that the new neighbors thought we were in the federal witness protection program or something because my husband and I have odd schedules. We operate our business from home - but may leave to go do research we can't do from home. One of the neighbors also noted my husband often leaves mid morning carrying a briefcase and wearing cargo shorts......maybe someone should have asked huh?
Very creative article. I find myself outgrowing a lot of my old friends. As I have gotten older, my outlook on life has changed and I felt that I could not relate to my friends anymore. Personally, I have met a lot of new friends through my hobbies. I have joined a metaphysical meetup group and met a lot of wonderful people. In fact, one of them I refer to as my Soul Buddy. There are a lot of good friends waiting to be found. The trick is not to try too hard. They will appear when you least expect it. Thanks for the great Hub.
Beautiful and very inspiring hub. Don't worry, I am glad to be your friend. You are in the right place where we can find a new friends, even a new family here. It proven by myself. It looks difficult if we don't try. We must go out to find some friend or we can choose the simple way by using facebook as a social networking site. No matter with your age. Thanks for share with us. I give my vote to you.
Blessing and hugs,
Dear Barbergirl,
Nice hub!it's interesting to know that i'm not alone in this world who find it hard to find new friends. i mean i have a lot of real true friends but i have known them for years. some of them i've known since childhood, others i have known in my college years. i'm proud to say that our friendship have withstood time, distance and problems.
But like you, I find it quite hard to make friends with new ones maybe because I have always surrounded myself with my long time friends and have an utmost loyalty to them. Although I'm not outspoken, I'm not shy either. It's just that I'm contented with who I'm with and happy to share so many beautiful memories with them. I have always believed that it doesn't matter how many friends I have, what matters is that the ones I have brings out the worst and best in me yet accepts me for being me.
dear Barbergirl,
I`m shy too and have not that many friends, but in the other hand all the ones I consider true friends ( arround 12)are solid friendships that I hope to maintain for many years :)
Barbergirl,
It is my experience that when you are shy, you always feel abnormal. That's normal. I hear you, though, about the loneliness of moving away from friends and family and the difficulty of making new friends. Hope someone answers your ad.
Give yourself a chance to establish yourself where you now live. You are bound to meet people who hold the same interests as you.
With your interests and talent, you are someone people will want to know! You'll be in the swing of things in no time! :)
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I agree... it is hard to make a friend... especially when you are getting older. I figured, hey, send out a friend request. I am new to the area and you never know who might approach me! :) Here's to hoping I find a few new friends!
I'm lovin this article! And I like that you have put your friend request 'out there' :)
There are sooo many people in this situation, myself included. I have many male friends, and am open to meet friends of any gender so long as we connect. I think I want at least one true female friend now, to hang out, go shopping and just do stuff.. Kinda miss it..
Hey, Universe, I've just put my request out there too.. hope you hearin' me!
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