- Gender and Relationships
10 Warning Signs You Shouldn't Ignore In Online Dating
Ready to find love online? Beware of the pitfalls of online dating. Here are some red flags you shouldn't ignore.
Dating is one of the most exciting, (and sometimes) frustrating times in one's life as a single. There are so many choices online, it's like being free in a candy store, not knowing which sweet treat to pick first. But there are also hidden rats among the aisles, and some of the candy can be detrimental to your emotional health, especially in large doses.
Here are some helpful tips to spot a tummy (or heart) ache waiting to happen:
- They message you several times, and don't offer or agree to meet with you. I've spent way too much time messaging prospects I thought had potential, only to feel like I just wasn't interesting enough to warrant a meeting. For whatever reason some people keep contacting you even though they seem "too busy" to meet, or string you along forever, don't sweat it. Move onto communicating with people who seem genuinely interested, and keep in touch regularly.
- They don't respond to messages, or call after you give your number for several days. Major red flag here: if a man or woman is interested, they will hop to it to write back. Shoot, it only takes but a few minutes to write a few sentences. So why don't they have time to do so? Well, as they say, "they're just not that into you." Stop holding out the notion that he or she will "come around" when they realize what a great person you are. Um, yeah, if they are slacking off at the beginning, imagine how poorly they will treat you later on if they were in a relationship with you. For men, a second try might help refresh a woman's memory of you, but for women, drop the dead weight when a guy is aloof.
- He or she is vague in descriptions of themselves. On a profile, you're basically giving a sales pitch. In essence, we are "selling ourselves" to "buyers" aka: the prospective candidate. So, if you spot that someone has very little to say about themselves, be very cautious. It could be a sign he or she is already in a relationship, and doesn't want their cover blown, or is just a devious "sneaky snake." Pass on these types.
- They message you and don't call before meeting. Can we say insecure? or how about passive aggressive? shy? stupid? No matter how you look at it, not calling someone before a first meeting is so childish. You have to hear a person's voice to be half-way comfortable they're not a creep. Even kindergarteners talk to each other on the playground. Note to men: just call the lady, would ya?
- He or she is late on the first meeting. Disrespectful and immature to say the least. If they don't bother to text or call to say they'll be running late: write them off immediately.
- He or she doesn't show up for the first meeting. Drop-kick this person. Next.
- You are asked to send pictures of yourself right away. Do I have to point out, that this person is only interested in the visuals you provide? A man or woman that is looking to know the "real you" will ask questions, not ask for more images. Pass on them!
- They ask you about your feet or shoe size. Foot fantasizer anyone? If you're OK with that, proceed with caution. And don't forget to wear strappy heals on a date.
- They send you an unsolicited adult pics. Obviously, this is mostly geared toward women who get an image with "too much skin" in their inbox or cell phone. I recently had a hot, young thing message me, claiming he was "fed up" with women his age being so immature. Well, before sending an "artistic" pic of himself, he had the decency to ask me if it was alright. I kindly asked him not to, until I was ready for it. He did anyway. He's toast. Skip on the flashers. I smell childhood issues and room for therapy in the air. Although, his body was rocking... I might just keep him in my contacts.
- They disappear after the first few dates. This person obviously has some sort of critical issues. Or maybe you are too clingy, lied about your age and weight on your profile, or have smelly breath. Either way, if they don't stick around for at least a few dates before they decide you're not the one, then they're not worth your time to wonder about. This goes for men and women. Although, as women, we often encounter the two-date wonders. It would be easier if men would just tell you why they don't think you'd be a match before "poof," disappearing, but just refer to the previous tip: I smell therapy in the air. Not worth wondering about. Pass and next!
So in essence, try to keep an open mind, open heart, and don't take things too personally. There are so many "fish" in the pool of dating that it's not worth your time wondering, "why?" The only true answer is: he or she was not meant for you.
If and when you find someone who's equally as interested in you as you are in them, consider yourself luckier than a lottery winner! They say that "love comes when you least expect it," but many couples found each other online-- so they were clearly looking! Keep your chin up, and spirits high. Live your life like you are number one, anyway, and anyone else that comes along will be there to just enjoy it with you. Happy sailing with online dating. And whatever you do, don't forget: it's cyberspace. Rejection online is impersonal, not like a slap across the face in person. Although, sometimes, a good slap would tell you right away if someone's not into you.
Use your best judgment, and don't ignore any red flags. Tell a friend where you plan to meet. Take your time to get to know someone for safety. Happy dating!