- Gender and Relationships
Was The Connection Lost Once Meeting Face to Face?
The hardest thing about Internet dating is that sometimes you think you feel a connection based on the photo a guy posts and the communication—emails, text messages, phone calls that you exchange. This can potentially be misleading.
When you're online dating and finally find a guy who you are interested in, and he is interested in you, it's a feeling of accomplishment mixed with excitement. Internet dating is like finding a needle in a haystack—sometimes you get lucky, but other times you get fooled.
I've experienced several dating internet sites—Match, E-harmony, etc. I’ve come across more men who were not the best match for me than men who were. When I decided to give Tinder a try—which is basically similar to speed dating, I ended up having way more swipes to the left—men that I wasn't interested in, versus the right—men who I was interested in. This honestly became discouraging at times. When I finally found a guy that I liked (1/100) who also liked me, then the next step was figuring out if there was a connection. Did we have anything in common, were our values the same, and did we have the same expectations for a relationship?
Internet dating is hard, especially since there is a risk involved any time you meet a guy… is he as attractive in person as he seemed in his photo? Some men look better in photo. And will the connection you had over the phone or keyboard be the same face to face? There is also a safety risk—is he sane or are you meeting a rapist or serial killer? Unfortunately, this is something as women we need to take into consideration. Although you can never know for sure, ask enough important questions and always trust your gut. Also, never have him pick you up, meet at a location/venue (preferably during the day or early evening) that's in your area or near where you both live.
Once you have asked enough questions to make you intrigued enough to meet him, it's important to not wait too long before getting together. Waiting too long can make it harder to end things if there is no connection or chemistry when you see a guy face to face.
I met a guy on match.com that I ended up talking to for several weeks before actually meeting him. He was traveling a lot and the days he was free I wasn't and vice versa. But we started to have daily communication which initiated feelings that continued to grow. Our conversations were easy and fun. He made me laugh and I felt a giddiness inside me every time he would call. This guy was seemed so great, how did I get so lucky?
Three weeks passed before we finally found a day and time that worked to finally meet. I was on cloud nine. I was smiling from ear to ear with anticipation. We decided to meet at one of my favorite restaurants for happy hour. As I walked in and looked around, there were a few guys there, but none that looked like him. Then, I heard my name being called out. The man who was calling my name looked nothing like the photo of the guy that I was there to meet… Nothing! I tried to keep the look of horror inside, but I don't think I did a very good job. As he walked over and introduced himself the first thing that came out if my mouth, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you, you don't look anything like your photo." His response? "I know, I get told that a lot. I need to take a more updated photo." Seriously, ya think?
This guy not only looked like Jim Carey's character when he turned into The Mask (minus his face not being green) he was also several inches shorter than what he had listed on his profile. His breath was awful and all he did was stare at me, telling me repeatedly that my photos didn't do me justice. Wish I could have said the same thing. Needless to say, the physical connection I felt prior to meeting him, completely vanished. This date needed to end fast. I politely told him that I wasn't feeling a connection and I wished him good luck in his search to find the right woman. I also advised him of putting a photo that was more true to life…
A connection for me needs to be not only mental, it also needs to be physical. What makes it hard to have a connection with a guy is when he not fully honest with me or if I don't find him attractive.
Another date I went on was with a guy from Tinder. I tinder-text with this guy for about a week before deciding to give him my phone number. I've had a few bad experiences giving out my number prior to meeting a guy so I rarely ever give it out. This guy was funny through tinder-text and very persistent in getting my number so I broke my rule.
Hearing his voice for the first time gave me tingles, he had an extremely sexy voice and his laugh was contagious. He was just as funny on the phone as he was through tinder-text—this guy was great at bantering but also could have a serious conversation. Talking to him was organic and when he discussed things that he wanted in a relationship, they also matched with mine. We talked about what our biggest physical turn-offs were—mine is bad teeth, his is a woman who is not in shape—since health and fitness is important to him. When he officially asked me on a date, I said yes with no hesitation.
When I got to the restaurant that we were meeting at, he was already there waiting. He dressed well and stood up right away to give me a hug. He was very proportionately muscular and he was as tall (if not taller) as his profile mentioned. He also had a very attractive face, Yay....the physical connection was definitely there, until he spoke.
Ugh....this guy had horrible teeth, something that is very, very hard for me to get past. I tried. I kept telling myself that his teeth could be fixed with Invisalign or ten years of braces—although, there were a few teeth missing in the back. What I don't understand, does this guy look in the mirror and think that the massive pile up that is going on with his teeth is attractive? And why would he still insist on meeting me if the one major turn-off for me is bad teeth? Unfortunately, that wasn't the only things that was wrong...
The confidence this guy displayed on the phone wasn't there. In fact he kept desperately asking me if I wasted to see him again—the first time was about fifteen minutes into our date. Throughout the date he ended up asking me eight different times which became annoying quickly. He was rude to our server when he would get her attention—snapping his fingers and calling her "hun." This connection I thought I felt was dying quickly.
Ladies, for most connections to develop further it's important that you meet face to face. Just because you find a guy whose photo is attractive, profile is intriguing, and voice is sexy, that doesn't mean that he's the guy you're going to end up with. Try not to get too attached or make judgments before actually meeting him. Sometimes a connection will take you by surprise. I have found that it can be the guy who has the "OK" photo who seemed "nice enough," that actually ends up being the guy that I end up connection with the most. Be open to the possibilities because sometimes they might surprise you. However, if the connection isn't there, don't be afraid to disconnect and move on.
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