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Ways to Identify Your Frienemy

Updated on October 22, 2014

The dictionary definition for frienemy is: a person or group that is friendly towards another because the relationship brings benefits, but harbours feelings of resentment or rivalry.

A frienemy is someone that acts like your friend but isn’t, they make you feel worse and pretend that they are trying to help, when in fact they are doing nothing to benefit anyone but themselves. They do not care about you but will make you believe that they do in order to get what they want.

It is often difficult to tell if someone is your frienemy and if it is not just something floating in your crazy mind! You think to yourself, is it possible that this person is doing the things that they are doing or are you making her out to be a massive bitch without reason? Perhaps she is not that bad and maybe you should give her a second chance. Perhaps you are just over reacting or seeing things that are not there.

No! No! No! She is as bad as you are making her out to be, in fact she is probably worse and you have not seen the best performance yet. She will end up taking everything from you and all that you will be left with are the scars.

Here are a few ways to identify a frienemy just in case you are not sure. Put your mind at ease and if you identify with any of these pointers, then be prepared to face your frenemy.

The Master Manipulator

She will encourage you to do the complete opposite of what you really wanting to do, switch everything around to benefit her and make it as if you were the one that made that decision. You later realise that you have made a mistake and that the only person that got joy out of that situation, was her.

She is only around when she needs something

You haven’t heard from her in weeks, no calls, no visits until she needs your help or a borrowed outfit. You help her out and realise that she never replied to your messages when you needed a friend too. Yet, at the drop of a hat, you would do anything to help her and get nothing in return. She only shows up for a favour, for your help or to borrow something. Beware because it might be your man next!


She is competitive

She is in competition with you over guys, clothes, friends and even work. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter because she is winning and she will ensure that you notice. She will even enter a competition even though she had no interest in it until you mentioned your participation. Make no mistake she will beat you at something every chance that she gets and you will need to be happy for her.

She gives compliments and insults at the same time

“You look great in that outfit, it is way better than your usual drab.” “That dress brings out the colour of your eyes, even though it’s not my style.” I could go on but I think you know what I am talking about. That precious compliment makes you feel bad and lowers your self esteem.

Honesty is not her policy

She has been caught out lying to you so many times and you have never confronted her because it seems silly and you have your doubts. When you have confronted her she has denied lying to you and makes up an excuse. You had to find out that she is dating the guy that you liked, the one that you pointed out and mentioned that you would love to go out with.

Frienemies are no good for you and the sooner you learn that the better your life would be!

I would give you tips on how to beat her at her own game but if she is your frienemy it means that you have allowed her to manipulate and make you feel bad. The only way out of that situation is to end the friendship and make better choices. She will not change and you will end up being the maid of honour at her wedding, where you will be dressed in a colour that doesn’t

suite you, a hairdo that does nothing for you and you will be watching your frenemy say her “I do’s” to the man that you had your heart set on!

“I would rather have an enemy that hates me, then a friend that puts me down.”

Movies that are good examples

Something Borrowed with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin

Frenemies with Bella Thorne

Frenemy with Zack Galifianakis and Mathew Modine

Gossip Girl

Lindsay Lohen and Paris Hilton
Lindsay Lohen and Paris Hilton

Celebrities that are frienemies

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan (they were besties until they fought over a Greek shipping heir)

Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker ( rumoured to be friends on set but not friendly off screen) Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag have become the poster girls for frenemies with their drama, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, Denise Richards and Heather Locklear, Madonna and Sir Elton John.


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    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      3 years ago from South Africa

      Hahahaha, that's a good frenemy to have!

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I have a love/hate relationship with rnuning sometimes, sometimes I absolutely love it, can't get enough of it, sometimes I can't seem to get myself to even run a mile. I don't know if this inconsistency will ever go away but I do know when I run I feel the healthiest/fittest so I keep doing it. Hello frenemy!

    • Tashaonthetown profile imageAUTHOR

      Natasha Pelati 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Yes! So good and yet so bad

    • Elani-Lee profile image


      5 years ago from Los Angeles

      I love the off-handed compliments


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