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12 Excellent Ways to Become More Patient Towards Your Lover or Spouse

Updated on April 27, 2018

How to Become More Patient

Choose to be a good spouse
Choose to be a good spouse


Ama has been in a relationship with Yaw for six months. She realizes she loses her cool sometimes which affects their relationship. “I love Yaw very much. However, I say hurtful words to him immediately he annoys me. He gets angry too and we have fights. Later, when I reflect on the way I behaved and on what I said, I feel terrible. This happens too often. I wish I knew how to become more patient in my relationship when my boyfriend annoys me. It will go a long way to help me relate better to Yaw so that we can have a great relationship,” she says.

You may also be asking yourself, “ What can I do to become a more patient person so that my lover or spouse will be happy about our relationship?” as you read this article. Here are some ways to become more patient so that you can have a wonderful relationship.

Learn Lessons from the Past

Think through the issues that cause the biggest problems between your lover or spouse and yourself, and which try your patience most, just before you sleep every night. Think about the ways in which you reacted with impatience and the lessons you can learn from those experiences. Then think about what you can do differently so that you will not react in a rash manner the next time you face those same challenges.

Think About How You Will Deal with Situations Before They Happen

Think about how you will deal with situations which will test your patience, before they occur. Think through the words you will use to help you calm down. For example, you may decide to think about words such as “Calm down!” or “I must resist the urge to become angry,” or “I must not overreact to whatever he says or does,” or “I must be tolerant instead of losing my temper.”

Furthermore, choose the body language you will use to help you stay calm. For example, you may decide that you will put your hands in your pockets or behind you, or you will only nod your head and agree that you are at fault when your partner accuses you of wrongdoing.

Thinking about how you are going to handle a potentially problematic situation before it occurs will help you to prepare yourself adequately so that you can choose to react in a manner that will make you calm and which can help you to control your emotions.

Decide That It is Okay to Lose Certain Things

Sometimes a lover or spouse will get impatient because he feels that what he wants from his partner is integral to his happiness and that he cannot be happy if his partner does not give him what he wants or desires.

For example, you might become impatient because your partner does not make time to converse with you. When you decide to think to yourself that, “I am cool if Isaac cannot make time for me. He does not have to spend time with me for me to be happy. That is not the only thing that can make me happy in this relationship. I am content with the little time he spends with me.” This attitude will make you relaxed about the situation, you will not be agitated and that will make you give your partner some space.

Remind Yourself That You Also Irritate Your Partner

Recall the many times you have irritated your partner and reflect on the fact that he or she was patient with you in the past. This action will help you to see that you must also reciprocate the good will of your partner so that you can have peace in the relationship.

For example, when you have an accident with your boyfriend’s car and he gets angry with you and, later, he also irritates you because he is jealous of your male friends and you are tempted to become impatient, say to yourself, “Well, when I crashed Isaac’s car last month, he exercised a great amount of self-control although he was very angry. I must also try to be calm now that he is jealous of my friendship with my male colleagues. I will help him to understand that there is nothing between us. If he does not understand, I will keep on explaining issues to him. I will maintain my cool. Under no circumstances will I lose my temper.”

Do Not Be Selfish

Sometimes we get impatient because we are not thinking about the needs of the other person. We want what we want regardless of how the other person feels, or how it will affect him.

Therefore, if you want to become more patient towards your partner in a relationship, try not to be selfish. Think about the consequences of your requests and demands on your partner. It will help you to empathize with your partner and this will help you to check the feeling of urgency that may be causing you to be impatient.

For example, when you want your husband to buy you a beautiful shoe you saw at the shopping mall and he is delaying in fulfilling your desire, think something such as this to yourself, “I really need that shoe. But I also know Isaac is hard up right now. He just paid the electricity and water bills. I understand. I will give him some more time, even though I want that shoe. I will not die if he does not buy it for me this month. I can wait.”

Choose to Be a Great Spouse

Remind yourself often that it is when you are patient with your lover or spouse that you can call yourself a great companion or lover. Therefore, when you are tempted to become impatient, think to yourself, “It is when I am able to control myself in the face of irritations from my lover that I can exhibit my love for my partner. It is when I pass that test that I can tell myself that I really love my partner. Therefore, I will try to be calm when my partner provokes me.”


Learn to listen
Learn to listen

Learn How to Communicate Effectively With Your Partner

If you are quick to react angrily to negative things your lover or spouse says to you, you must learn to practice active listening. When you learn to listen, you will understand why your partner said what he said and that will help you to respond to him in a controlled manner. Listening actively will also give you some time to think about what your lover or spouse says to you so that you can give a thoughtful response, and not a rash response.

Remind Yourself of Your Partner's Flaws Often

Keep reminding yourself that your partner will keep making mistakes and irritating you. And resolve that you will also keep on forgiving him and helping him to correct his mistakes as long as he makes them. You may think to yourself, “I really get mad anytime Isaac slurps whilst drinking his cocoa drink. I will continue to remind him to drink his cocoa drink slowly so that he does not irritate me. It is a habit he is used to and I know it will take some time before he overcomes it. I will stand by him and do my best to help him work on this habit. After all, the reason why I am in this relationship is to help Isaac become a better person. And as I help him, I will also grow and mature as a girlfriend or wife.”

Look at the Positive Side of Irritating Situations

Look at the irritating and annoying things that your partner does to you in a positive light by thinking about the benefits you will derive from such irritating situations. When you think about the fact that you will gain something from those experiences, it will help you to tolerate those situations better.

For example, when your lover or spouse insults you or ridicules you, say to yourself, “I must learn to handle this so that I can handle the criticisms of my superiors and colleagues at work better. Let me use this situation to learn to endure painful and unfair criticisms so that I can build my character and my capacity to take unfair comments.” This will give you a motivation to do your best to remain calm.

Practice Patience Everywhere

Try to be patient when you find yourself in a queue at the shopping mall, when your team is not scoring that goal you want them to score so that they can win the soccer game they are playing, when a taxi driver annoys you in traffic, or when someone bumps into you whilst you are strolling on the side walk. These acts of patience will help you to build your capacity to become more patient in the house because by choosing to be patient during those situations, you will learn self-control under trying circumstances. That experience will help you to act in a more patient way with your partner when you are in the house.

How to React When You are Angry

When a conflict arises and your partner annoys you, and your mind is telling you to hit back with vengeful words, ask yourself, “Do I necessarily need to speak in an angry tone for my partner to get my point? Is that the only way I can get the message across that I am not happy with what he said or did? Do I need to be rash?”

Then remind yourself that there are other ways. Say to yourself, “No! There are several other ways to make my displeasure known. I can remain calm and still make my point in a forceful way. I will choose to use other options. I will not be hasty to react. That will help to keep the peace in the relationship.”

Anger Management

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Remind Yourself of Job's Story Often

Read the story of Job often. Remind yourself of how he chose not to give in to impatience and anger when he faced irritating situation after irritating situation. In addition, remind yourself of how Job resolved never to give up and become impatient even when his wife laughed at him. Let the story motivate you to build a gallant spirit which refuses to give way to impatience even when your lover or spouse gives you emotional and psychological pressure.

Whenever your lover or spouse puts you under negative pressure and you feel like getting impatient, bring Job’s story to mind and compare your situation to his situation. You will see that you have not been tried to the extent that he was tried. That will tell you that you can do more to become more patient with your lover or spouse. It will make you more willing to exercise self- control in irritating and annoying situations.


To become more patient towards your lover or spouse, correct the mistakes of the past, think through potentially sticky situations before they happen, try to be a great spouse, and improve the way you communicate with your partner. When you do these things, you can make your relationship better so that you and your lover or spouse will be happy.

How to Become More Patient in Your Relationship

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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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