- Gender and Relationships
How to Expedite the Process of Healing a Broken Heart?
Everybody will agree that when you are in the beginning of a relationship, we don’t ever think that it will come to the point that we will need to put period on it! We always believe and convince ourselves that we can avoid reaching that point...the point where it is so painful to bear ‘the letting go process’. We do feel the pain; most of us women do, when we feel that the letting go stage is knocking and worst after break up.
Once we commit into a relationship we are investing ourselves, our time, our effort and money of course. After all the effort of trying to save a relationship, we even stay or choose to stay in denial period. I call it denial because we don’t have enough courage to expedite the process of letting go, instead we choose to delay it by putting comma, many commas on an almost finished relationship, but the more commas we put in a relationship before it reach the period, the end, because we choose not to see the end are just torture and waste of time for both of you.
I am not here to give you advice on how to save a relationship. I am here to give you advice that are applicable after all the saving strategies were applied and still nothing worked. The reason why none of those saving relationship techniques did not work was maybe either of you were not staying on the agreement. If all were done and nothing worked, here are the advice I am laying on you. Here are the practical ways to let go...
Let your tears flow freely
After break up, we are so hurt; you probably feel that it is the hardest break-up you have to deal with. Accepting the reality that the relationship has just ended is not that easy. The pain we feel is indescribable and we have different ways of dealing it. This is the most crucial time. Strong determination is required in this early stage of process. No words of advices can comfort you at this very moment, all you can rely on is yourself.
Don’t stop yourself if you wanted to cry even if you are in public, you are in a healing crucial stage, so if you need to let your emotions to come out wherever and whenever you need to, do it. If you don’t want to catch attention, you can scan a place where you can possibly cry quietly and let your tears flow for a while. You will feel better if you just let your tears flow. Just don’t resist the urge to cry, it’s our primary way of healing.
Keep away all things that will remind you of him/her.
The valuables that he gave you like jewelry, clothes and cellphone. Keep it somewhere unreachable. Do it because every time you will see those valuables accidentally, you will just see your tears flowing as if your eyes and tears have mind of their own, so if you don’t want your tears to flow when you least expect it, keep away everything that he gave you. Put it somewhere that you will not see them unless you intended to. In time when you are ready to look at those valuables and you feel no pain no more, it means you are already healed, then those things will be just tokens of how strong you were able to forget your past heartache.
Seek for companion
If you already have your own place then it’s very advisable for you to spend or live with your family or friends for the meantime. If they are aware of what is going on with you, I am pretty sure that you don’t need to ask them, they will offer that to you because they know you need them. You can stay with who you feel you will be more comfortable, just don’t isolate yourself, this is a crucial time, you need your family and friend's support.
Block him/her on your Skype account, put his Id on Ignore list on your YM
Our exes get curious after few weeks of no contact with him/her, that happens very often and their messages will just pop up on your Skype and messenger account. Don’t be so soft, if all of a sudden you get an instant message from him or her. Most of the time they have no intention of reconciliation. They are just getting curious if they still have effect on you and when you don’t reply them, they are more persistent in sending you messages. It's all about challenge to them, whether they are doing it consciously or unconsciously, you don't have to know their reason. The best challenge you have to face is learn and be determined to ignore them. If you are very brave you can keep their name on your contact list, but if you are soft hearted, which most of us are, I strongly suggest to just do what I have said, just delete, remove and block him or her on your contact list.
Choose friends and acquiantance that are on your side
In the beginning of the relationship you normally show each other to your circle of friends. Obviously your circle of friends are multiplying because you basically added two groups from each of your group. Take note your friends and his friends will have different reactions once you introduced each other to each circle of your friends, but initially some of your friends will be pond or admire your partner and some will still admire him/her even after the break-up. Let’s admit the fact that after a painful break-up our number of friends lessen. Your original number of friends before you met him most probably decreased now, but don’t bother if your friends are decreasing, it's very normal, you better stay with your friends that will fully support you and those who will help you cope even if they are few.
Erase his cellphone number on your mind
Erasing his/her number on your contact list is not enough. No need to say that all of us save the phone numbers of people that are important to us in our mind. It is difficult to say than to do, but just think that it is for your own good. And don’t dare send him text messages even if your intention is just to be friendly! Yes you can still be friends with each other but remind yourself that it will take time before you reach that level. After break up you cannot send your ex friendly text messages, not just yet! It is all about proper timing.
Stop stalking your ex on Facebook and don't follow him on his Twitter
In fact this is a very complicated topic, I will write an article how to manage and update your profile after break-up. My initial advice about this matter is be very brave to remove your ex on your friends list or change your relationship status. Don’t be surprised if your ex did the first move of removing you on his account. He that way is helping you. If he already remove you on his list before you did, remind yourself not to stalk on what he currently posted or photos that he uploaded. We all know that we can still get updates about our exes through our friends. Technology are not in help under this situation. Now, in time like this it will help you a lot if you will minimize the usage of social media. Now that Facebook and Twitter is like a part of our social life, a strong determination is needed to be able to minimize using them for a while.
Avoid the places where you normally spend time together or shop together
Don’t excuse yourself by reasoning that it will take so much effort to change your grocery spot, the mall where you and him/her normally shop, and etc. Adjust yourself and avoid those places where both of you normally spend time together when you were still lovers. This is your best way of not getting the chance of seeing him again!
When you see him alone your heart will give you a false hope that he/she might still thinking of you. No, he don't. It's better to think that he/she doesn't because that's the truth. If you still take the chance of going to the same place where you normally went together and when you see him/her with somebody, you will be very hurt, of course you will because you are still in the process of healing. To avoid crying and chest pain do your very best of staying away from those places that you could possibly see him/her again. You need extra effort to do that, but at the end of the day you will be thankful that you just did.
Do not ask or never seek the advices of Astrologist or Astrology expert
I am not against them, but I am not also in favor. Generally, if you consult an astrologist and your queries are about your ex on how to win him back, they will give you suggestion not from their crystal ball, but from the look they can read from you, because you are very transparent about the pain you are still dealing. There is no magic or miracle that will apply when it comes to healing a broken heart, but asking for astrologist advice will make you feel better temporarily and most of the time will not. You don’t need an astrologist to keep going, just be determined to continue in dealing the process of letting go.
Ask for the inner strength you need. I might have given you all the practical advices that you can apply to complete the healing process, but there is available help from above that can give you the courage to proceed. Nobody reaches our heart and soul, and understands us except “Him” our Almighty God. Believe me after you pour your heart to Him, you will have the extraordinary strength that you didn’t imagine you could ever have. Just one piece of advice, pray to God for your necessary strength, not for a miracle of winning him back.
After all these advices were applied, you can say that the letting go process is really an ‘Art’ it is an art of walking farther from the person you once loved, but didn’t return the love that you're supposed to be receiving in return. When you're so far enough from that person emotionally, you realized that it is a thorough and step by step process, because once the process is not followed correctly, you can go through the process again, which is not pleasant to do! You will conclude that the word “hurt” just transformed into the word “Art” because you don’t feel the pain anymore. Then you can walk and move on to a new love ventures with inner happiness and peaceful heart after successfully completing “the art of letting go’.