We Don’t Talk: Understanding Communication: Essential Poetry by Pearldiver

There are times in many friendships and relationships when for whatever reason, the very skillful art of communication is completely ignored, or is taken for granted, or just simply breaks down in a manner that puts unnecessary strain on that relationship. Times like that therefore tend to highlight the difference in levels of understanding between the parties.

Understanding how to communicate with each other effectively is crucial to the degrees of respect, growth potential and ultimately, the very survival of every relationship. Being able to maintain good relationships requires a lot of work from both sides. The very ability to realize and adopt that practice, calls on the parties to possess a depth of commitment that is not only emotionally mature, but also able to be trusted, relied upon and mutually respected.

Basically, if you care enough to care, then care enough to always care fully. Set that expectation in place as part of the key aspects within the foundation of the relationship, in such a way that ensures this commitment and attitude will always be respected.

To some however, that commitment thing, or rather the making of it, is in itself an issue. If so, then many problems are going to be forthcoming, that will put the relationship at risk, or call for a series of concessions to be made, generally by the party most prepared to commit. Factually, caring for someone is not in any way, something that should call for concessions; most of us wish to be accepted for who we are and therefore hope that our relationships will be unconditional. True friendship is a non judgmental thing, therefore it is also something that is very special, as many social environments today call for us to adopt a judgmental approach towards those we consider to be friends.

Another important thing to consider is that by understanding yourself and what your needs really are, you have the opportunity of being able to develop good communication skills, as long as the other party is able to openly do the same. If however, the relationship breaks down or turns pear shaped for some reason, then at least a mutual understanding exists of those needs and can provide a welcome platform for both parties to attempt to resolve their issues in a realistic and amicable manner. Established common ground is always important.

Copyright © 2012 Pearldiver – Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.

Talking and listening is always going to be the greatest form of communication in any friendship or relationship, as it provides open evidence of the level of understanding, at any time, gauged merely from each party's willingness to engage and maintain conversation that is meaningful to each other. Not communicating is often used as a defensive tool to non verbally get a point across, generally one that 'says' "I don't care!" Factually, many who adopt that approach, really do care, but are also inwardly afraid of getting hurt or themselves rejected. We humans are complex animals, but deep down, we often seek the very things that we are afraid of, yet fail to communicate that to the ones that we do care for.

Not talking through unresolved issues is one perfect way to create a negative outcome. Many often also use negative excuses for not communicating and to justify their fear of commitment or lack of self respect, effectively hiding behind that act of avoidance. While not approaching the reasons why it is felt that not talking, is the way to solve a problem, what can and often does result is, that a permanent lack of communication skills is developed and over time that turns inwardly into anger and perceptions that have little bearing on the original decisions made. Of course, those are the exact occasions when talking really does have the ability to show how important any established common grounds really are and how much stronger they are when measured honestly, against perceived problems.

Copyright © 2012 Pearldiver – Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.

Below is another piece of poetry by Pearldiver called; 'We Don't Talk'. This poem relays a message for those who don't make the effort to care fully enough to not find reasons to avoid talking. Also the enclosed set of 5 Fibonacci poems on the subject of Communication give a positive reason why, or how communication is worthwhile. But effectively, all communication should be taken for what it really represents - the ability to allow others to care for us and to show them, that we are worthy of the respect required to be that someone who genuinely cares enough to be loved and appreciated genuinely.

Communication makes the world go round... after that has been established... love keeps it turning. Take the time in your life, to communicate with those in your world; let them know what really is in your heart. Remember: A true friend will not judge you and to be a true friend, one needs to always care fully.

Copyright © 2012 Pearldiver – Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.

‘We Don’t Talk’

We don’t talk

It’s been so long now, that I don’t know why

I must have really hurt you in some way

Perhaps only because we didn’t talk

When we both needed to hear

What we both needed to say

We don’t talk

And the silence comes and goes

In waves of sadness, sometimes in crushed hopes

For it seems, that all you’ve ever meant to me, has been lost

I must have let you down, perhaps in you not knowing

What it takes to feel unbroken and how one copes

We don’t talk

And now you feel hurt and wounded

Each time I’ve tried to reach out to let you know

All the things that you don’t understand

A chance to share answers as to why, we don’t talk

And why in this silence, insecure reasons, were allowed to grow

We don’t talk

So heartfelt words seem cast to the winds

Destined to lie and decompose, where they fall

Their timeless value lost to a care’s desire, to leave them there

I guess they carry all the things that you don’t want to hear

And so, we don’t talk and perhaps you wrongly believe

That I don’t love you at all...

* Words by Pearldiver *

Copyright © 2012 Pearldiver – Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.

Often we don't know all the facts to something that worries or concerns us and as a result, we tend to perceive the reality of the situation as being, what we feel it is.

So often we are wrong... but that's not the issue... the issue is... accepting our mistake and making sure that our information is not flawed... thus allowing us to make an informed decision in a non judgmental way, based on what we know, as opposed to what we don't, or what we perceive to be true.

Remember - In one way or another, every single relationship that you have or have had, has at some time relied upon you and your ability to care enough, for yourself and the other party, to at least attempt to communicate effectively! Have you ever considered that point objectively? If not, then also seriously consider the words within the poem 'We Don't Talk' as they represent a real life relationship, perhaps similar to one of yours... cheers, take care.

Copyright © 2012 Pearldiver – Art of the Diver with all rights reserved.