Weeding out the Grass
Family is as family does
Today brings me to my pc, outside and a warm patch of sunshine on my face. Normally and most days that in itself motivates my spiritual being an enhances my writings. However today what I truly feel is in a world too complicated and confusing to call my own. My wish now is to be somehow entangled into a thought that would wish me well and filled with understanding. Change is usually a wonderful thing and I for one think it will be a great thing. Growth is all I ever see from it. Maybe today I am speaking of growth for and from my own family. Not that I no longer can grow in so many ways but that I intuitively feel that it is time for me to sit and wait for my loved ones to find their way (without me) and to follow the journey that is unique to each of them.
Watching my family from afar : Hoping and praying they are safe and feel that safety with God and are thankful for it. Wishing their only need is to have more time to give freely of their love and time. Wanting only the moments of their leisure time to rid me of my inquisitions.
Age allows so much. Wisdom, creativity, free time, patience and hopefully joy to share. Although I think my wait may be more so than many. As I have made sure in life that my children knew that others were riddled with human nature and that manipulation was the name of the game. That others would use weakness against them and that being aware should keep them on top of this game called life.
That may have back fired on me. Not only do I know that family will and will continue to try to control and manipulate but I have learned the more I tried to expose it, the more my children tried to walk away from it ( as did I ) but I never knew until now that I exposed almost every human being out there and that I am also one too.
So now my glass truly is half full. I am still glad that they do not trust everyone but now they have no idea whom to trust. It still seems that the majority rules. Very sad that is, as we older folks realize that a group of humans almost always do what they want and not what is sometimes best and correct morally.
As a parent I have done my job, as a daughter I have truly tried, as a sister I gave more than my heart could ever take back and as a human I fail with most certainty.
If I sit alone , it must be what I deserve, If I stand tall it must be what I feel it takes, if I lay down and give up................... it must be because sitting and standing did not do what I felt would change a heart, situation or betterment in any way.
AHHH age at its finest. Middle age
So to end this quiet rant, we can weed out the grass just by sitting and doing nothing or by only planting weeds in the first place. However ............. no matter what. we will never end up with what we planted , nor will we have a garden of Eden. God is the master player and we are so lucky to reap what we do.