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What Are Women Thinking Right Before Sex, or How to Get Them to Want to Do It

Updated on May 22, 2016

What goes on in a girl's head around sexy time? It depends on the individual, of course, but there are common threads among women. You didn't think they would be the same as men, did you?

Indeed, for women, sex is experienced mainly between the ears. Quite the paradox, since many men seem to think with their penises (but let's just blame testosterone!) Women have a very cerebral and – no surprise there – emotional conception of lovemaking. In order to want to have sex, a woman has to be in a state of well-being that she will want to stay in.

Some conditions must be met for ladies to want to be intimate. Context is very important. Unlike for men, whose desire will push out almost everything else from their minds. A gal will be much more inclined to get under the sheets if the circumstances are conducive to intimacy. So, yes, do dim the lights and put some sexy music on – it could be Barry White or Arcade Fire, but make sure you know what she likes. And make sure you smell good.

Questions that might be preventing her from being in the mood for sex:

  • Do I look my best?
  • Am I properly shaven?
  • Is my underwear sexy?
  • Does he like how I smell?
  • Does he like how I smell... there?
  • Do I have something stuck in my teeth?
  • How's my make-up holding on?
  • Are the sheets clean?
  • Is there enough time?
  • Am I too tired?
  • Are we at risk of being caught? (That, my friend, is why you need a lock on that door! Not really because someone could come in, but because it will help ease her mind, which is what you want.)
  • Could the children hear us?
  • Am I forgetting something?
  • What did he mean with that comment?
  • Does he really fancy me?
  • Is he manipulating me?
  • How will I feel when we're done?
  • Could someone be hurt if they found out we had sex?

Still, she needs a few (or many) questions answered, first, otherwise they will keep bouncing in her head. She could be wondering if she's really ready to be intimate or if you'll find her attractive enough or if you'll still be there in the morning... She could worried about the kids. Something could be bothering her at work. Pondering those questions might just be what she's doing in the bathroom while you're waiting for her, asking yourself what's taking her so long... Try to appease her by helping her answer those questions, if you can.

It's all about feeling close to you

Complimenting her, making a romantic gesture, looking her in the eyes with just enough intensity, giving her your undivided attention: those will also without question help put her in the right mindset.

She's not thinking about having her next orgasm, she's thinking about how she wants to feel close and closer to her partner. She wants to experience a very special moment with her lover. It's all about fusion, being one with another person.

Women do fantasize, but usually not by having graphic images in their minds. They're thinking about the way they will feel. This obviously is a big generalization, though, and there are exceptions.

So a girl's partner needs to understand all that and to gently help her get in the mood. If he wants her to enjoy sex, he has to spend all the time needed for her to get to the place she needs to be.

Do it right, be genuine, and she might even take the lead...

© 2016 Max Stinson


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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Bravo, my friend. Great hub with priceless advice. Thanks for publishing this piece.

      FYI: your profile page does not have a "Send Max an Email" Slot, so if you do not mind, I am going to leave you my personal note of thanks for following me here so you can know that I appreciate you.

      Hello, Max . . .

      I want to take this moment to say "thank you," for becoming one of my valued-followers. This was a very humble gesture that I will never forget.

      I offer my sincere, heart-felt apologies to you for taking so long in sending this note, but I had to have a heart cath in November 2015, due to me having Congestive Heart Failure and I was near death the doctors said. But thank God, I am here now, going slow in recovery, but I am alive.

      Actually, and truthfully, my followers are THE reason that I do my best to provide hubs that are not just interesting, but a little on the comical side to take the readers' minds off of their troubles only if for a moment.

      Thank you once again and anytime you want to write me with hub ideas, comments, or suggestions on how I can produce a better hub, just send me an email.


      Kenneth Avery

      Your Friend for Life


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