What Causes Jealousy In A Love Relationship?
Jealousy - some call it 'The Little Green Monster'. In a love relationship jealousy typically involves the couple and a third party. One member of the couple can become jealous due to envy - if they perceive that someone else has, or is getting something they want from their partner, ultimately, it's caused by a situation which one member of the couple reacts to what they perceive to be a possible threat to their love relationship.
Some might say jealousy is caused by some deep seeded personality fault or insecurity on the part of the person who's become jealous, but it's not necessarily always the case. Everyone's capable of becoming jealous at some point in their love relationship because during our relationships we invest our emotions and become vulnerable and jealousy is an emotion, a real 'feeling' of being vulnerable.
In a relationship, particularly when it's new and you're falling in love and just beginning to learn to trust each other with these vulnerable feelings you may find your partner feels jealous in a number of situations, or you may become jealous at times yourself. Such situations you'd expect to find jealousy occurring are:
- You or your partner are spending time with other singles of the opposite sex:
This could be you innocently working late on a project at work with a colleague of the opposite sex. But it has the potential to make your partner feel a little jealous because you're spending one on one time with another person who they do not know. Your partner may have no reason not to trust you, however it still can make them feel uncomfortable that someone is possibly sharing dinner with you at the office instead of you being at home with them, especially if they'd been hoping all day for a romantic evening with you.
You could also find yourself feeling jealous if you catch your partner talking to and being friendly with someone of the opposite sex, not that you wouldn't trust your partner, but a jealous feeling can sweep over you when you see the person they're talking to appears to be not only extremely attractive, but also appears captivated by your partners attention, smiling and flirting outrageously with them...
- You or your partner keep in touch with a former partner:
No matter what your reasons may be, if you're spending time with or exchanging emails or text messages with a former partner it can instantly make your partner feel uncomfortable and jealous and it doesn't matter what your relationship with your former partner was like, or how you attempt to explain this to your current partner, he/she doesn't know your ex and can feel vulnerable and may start thinking all kind of things - like worrying that you may have loved them more / longer than you've love them etc, feelings of jelousy, including not understanding why you invest in a past relationship now that you have now found them!
- One of you suspects the other is sexually attracted to a third party:
Having knowledge of, or suspecting that your partner has had sexual attraction to a third party can cause emotional jealousy. One partner feels the relationship may be threatened by the partner's desires and feelings regarding a third party. Or the partner feels envious that you could desire someone else as well as them!
- Planning to spend your free time with your mates:
If you're hoping for a quiet romantic dinner with your partner and they're planning on partying with their single mates instead, especially on a regular basis, you could feel jealous. You may perceive that your partner prefers their company over yours, and not know what to do about it!
When someone feels jealous they are not necessarily 'thinking clearly', their jealousy is often a 'protective reaction' due to fear, anger, suspicion and uncertainty. They perceive there is a real threat to their relationship at the time. They usually have feelings of worry of losing an important love to another person, feelings of inferiority and it's like a line of communication has been broken between the couple when one of them becomes jealous.
If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst, ask questions and listen to your partners responses. That way you can discuss your feelings so you can work out solutions.
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