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What Causes Men to Play Games?

Updated on November 9, 2013

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Play Games

So here is my definition of a man who is playing games with you to help you follow along through these top ten reasons: He doesn't call or text when you think he should and there are lengthy delays in between that make you feel unimportant. He makes you wait...for pretty much everything. He gives you anxiety and uneasy gut feelings. He doesn't ask you questions or try to get to know you (or give you much information about him to allow you to get to know him better). He doesn't ask when he can see you next or doesn't seem to care about your schedule or availability.

1) He Isn't Ready Or Just Doesn't Want to Be Tied Down

Most men I polled about this topic aren't ready to get married or commit to one woman. We often analyze everything about this man we are dating in order to determine if he is ready for something serious or not. His age, his career success, his past...

Our Sample Analysis: Maybe he is 41 and never been you think to yourself - it's time for him to want something serious, after all he's not getting any younger. He has succeeded in his career so he is more likely to commit and can make me a priority, you consider. He has children so he should want to have a Wife to complete his family again. Or, he doesn't have children but says he would like a child so he will have to get married soon if he really wants to start a family. Or maybe he isn't that great looking so you think you picked a "different type" of guy than usual...don't let it fool you. If he's playing games and doesn't act like he's crazy about you and wanting to spend a lot of time with you than he is not the guy for you no matter what your analysis is of where he should be as far as commitment is concerned.

Don't take it personal, there is someone for everyone and you don't want to end up in a one-sided love. There will be someone eventually that will be ready for you and all your greatness and he won't be texting you hours or days after you message him, he will be excited to receive your calls and messages and will respond timely. He will want to talk to you on the phone just to hear your voice because he misses you.

2) He Is Still Hurt or Broken from A Past Relationship

Whether he is a good man or not past hurts can sneak up in between you two. There are some crazies out there...we can't deny that so consider that some good men have been cheated on, abused, disrespected, taken for granted, stolen from, thrown away, and maybe worse. If he doesn't want to put himself out there for you and take a chance on you then he isn't in the right place emotionally to love you like you should be loved regardless of what he has been through. Or - is just giving you an excuse so he won't have to commit until he wants's the Pity Poor Me party...don't attend.

Just let him know you need to be dating someone who doesn't have any walls up because you aren't afraid of love. Consider telling him you understand that women in his past have hurt him so being cautious can protect him from the wrong kind of woman...but can make the right kind of woman not stick around long. If he has walls up don't put all of your eggs in one basket, advise him that since he has walls up that you would like to see other people whom you have been turning down since you met him. Then you should do so if someone asks you out or say yes if someone you like or "could" possibly like has asked you out. Keep him on a string if you really want to but when you find someone who isn't mentally stone bricked then you will be grabbing for some scissors to cut him loose.

3) He is in Love with Someone Else Whom He Can't Have

Of course, he would never tell you this but he might be holding out for someone else whom he has convinced himself is the right woman for him. Or he has an unrealistic fantasy about the kind of woman he will one day marry and you aren't fitting that description perfectly. Maybe he wants a Playboy model or a woman who will put out three times a day and do anything he asks of her at any time.

Or think about this...He might be in love with his best friend, who just so happens to be a female and when they hang out you aren't being invited. Or, a real nail biter is if he is in love with his best friend and his best friend is a male. If you believe you are dealing with either one of these play it cool and if it continues after you briefly mention it then move on. You can't compete with that.

4) He Wants to Keep You on a String

Do men in your past always text you a few months after you say goodbye? That's because they know you are a great woman and they hope that when they are ready to commit you might still be there, or worse...they want the cookie at their convenience and hope the door is still open. Men know a good woman when they see one, which often scares them away...but yet, they want to keep you as an option and stay in touch with you.

You will have no doubts when a man is absolutely crazy about you and he won't play this game, he will want to use that string to tie you and him together forever and his actions and words will show it. Wait for's worth it and you are worth it.

How Long Should I Make Him Wait?

Give him reasons to commit and if he still plays games after making him wait...and wait...and wait, then he just isn't into you that much (or isn't capable of being into you). Find or wait for someone who can't get enough of you and your personality. If he isn't willing to wait until you are ready then he is very likely only looking for his next piece. Taking your time builds anticipation, just because you get hot a heavy doesn't mean you have to go all of the way and he shouldn't push you or make you feel bad about it either. Never give it up because you feel sorry for making them wait.

5) It Was Too Easy to Get and Too Quickly

There is no reason for him to commit to you if you give him everything for free. If he gets it too easy there is not always a reason to continue any commitment efforts. If it comes to quickly, even if they want it to happen it takes the challenge and sometimes even the trust out of the equation.

The only way you can play this game right is to not give it up until you are engaged or married and make him fall in love with your personality. If he plays games, don't waste yourself on him in the first place. Why would he commit if he can get sex without it and why get married if you will move in before it?

6) He Doesn't Have Time or His Priorities Are All Wrong

Have you ever had a guy insist that you drive his way all of the time, that it will be worth it and just makes more sense? Or he's always traveling or working so can't seem to schedule a time to take you out on a date, or "court" you. If there is always an excuse for why he can't meet up with you and if he doesn't even bother to call while he is traveling or on lunch then don't waste your time and energy. He is likely working you to get his next sexual fix. If he won't put in any of the effort in the beginning what do you think the rest of your relationship will look like?

Does he want to take you out for drinks (and get you drunk) or is he trying to court you and impress you? Like take you to dinner, a movie, putt-putting, a walk through the park. Different age groups date and court in different ways, but a really good man or young man will have been brought up to "court" a woman or a young lady. You shouldn't have to do much or any of the driving, if he's into you...he'll trip over himself to do what's right and what will make you like him the most.

Veronica Hughes/Author of Bio of a Girl in Love with Love...and the Men Diet
Veronica Hughes/Author of Bio of a Girl in Love with Love...and the Men Diet | Source

Low On Dating Funds?

It doesn't cost any money to get to know someone, go grab a coke at McDonald's for starters, if there is a real connection it won't matter where you will both know it and won't be able to deny it.

Lavishing Compliments On One Another - Good or Bad?

I don't believe in the opinion a lot of people have, that you shouldn't compliment too often or too strongly because people will get a big head and move on thinking they can do even better than you. If he is the right man for you then he will do nothing but appreciate your compliments and his feelings and sex drive for you will become even stronger. Take the chance and lavish him with compliments, if it's not returned remember that someone else out there is waiting to take his place.

7) He Doesn't Have Any Money to Properly Date You

Hopefully you aren't letting this one get in the way. A man who is in a temporary bad spot but has an education, a job, pays his bills, and has goals should still get an opportunity to get to know you if he is nearly begging. Money helps but should never be the deciding factor if you are looking for true love. Of course, you don't want to end up with a bum or lend him any money, but analyze the situation before you judge and support him as a friend while you are getting to know each other. You never might really hit if off. If he doesn't play any of these other games and is crazy about you...keep him.

8) He Thinks You Are Too Good For Him

Men often get squirrely when they think they are with a woman who is out of their league. They tend to sabotage a great thing and almost sit and wait for the moment when you realize you can do a lot better (and often times you can before you find Mr. Very Right so keep your eyes and ears sharp). He may not put in the effort that he normally would because he either knows you will eventually break up with him or he may just have no self esteem.

Low self-esteem is possible to get past if you find out why he feels that way about himself. Don't be afraid to help him raise his view of himself, compliment him and make him feel like he is like none other and make him feel like a "man". Sometimes, even the best looking men have low self-esteem. If he runs after you compliment him consistently just remember that "you" can do better because a good and intelligent man will greatly appreciate your compliments and how much you care for him. Remember, he should also be complimenting you and making you feel like the beautiful woman you are as well.

9) Has Been Divorced Once or More Than Once

He may not think he can hold a commitment or marriage together. If he marries you and it doesn't work out he will again have the expense of paying for that divorce as well as the heartbreak and dealing with the failure. He might also be combining a failed marriage with other failed relationships where he feels like he was at fault (even if he tells you it wasn't his fault at all).

He may be receiving influence and pressure from friends and family after you are introduced to them. In private they may be telling them that you are wife material and this might be his opportunity to finally settle down. For some men, this will make them back up. The greater you are, the more it can scare them because they know that you would be great to keep around. It doesn't make sense but for a man who has walls up and maybe doesn't even believe in true love it makes sense to run from something he is starting to want to commit to. Someone who is truly into you will drop their walls within a few months and will be starting to have serious conversations with you.

10) He Wants Different Things Than You Have to Offer

It could be the smallest difference but it can make all of the difference. Everything from desired number of kids to what kind of money your make. Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility of children in his world but likes you...he might play games. Or maybe you make a lot more or a lot less than what he makes...he might be hesitant and play games. No matter how you look at it it boils down to over all compatibility.

The little things should be important to both of you because the ultimate goal is to find someone that you have big and little things in common with. The little things may not seem important now, but when you are spending all of your years together they could make you or break you later. This is why so many couples grow apart, because they weren't that compatible to start with and the rest wasn't enough to hold them together and keep some of the initial enmeshment period throughout the marriage or relationship. When your or his family says "she/he sounds like the female/male version of you" that's your first clue that you might really have something. So, if he steps back over something that seems small try to compromise but don't change who you are, find someone who likes all of the small and large things about you instead.

My experienced message to you

If he is playing any of these games: If his actions, eyes, responses, and his words don't say to you that he wants to see you more, get to know you better, and move forward (at least slowly) then seriously consider waiting for someone who is looking for someone like you and quickly recognizes how special you are.

Quick commitments from a man means he is falling in love with you and wants to keep you in his life, just make sure you get to know him well enough to make sure he is everything you want and there are no signs of future abusive behavior etc. Men who know they will lose you once you figure out how bad they are also try to commit quickly so this is not the time to be blind in love. If you see any signs, don't ignore them and don't stick around.

True love will feel equal and won't be one-sided. There will be no text message games and he will call sometimes when he can't see you...just because he wants to hear your voice. If he plays it cool and purposely waits to message you back, he is risking losing a good woman, a man who truly values you the way you deserve won't be worried about playing it cool, he will be worried about losing you and will risk looking like a fool just to show you how much he cares.

Playing Games Poll

Why Do You Play Games?

See results

In Love with Love Poll

Have You Ever Been in Love?

See results

Fear of Commitment Causes Game Playing


Men love their freedom. For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting for the hills. The dreaded "C-word" implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming specter of financial devastation.

And the statistics bear this out — the U.S. Census reports that, over the past four decades, the rate of marriage has definitely been on the decrease.

According to the National Marriage Project, a study undertaken at Rutgers University, men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation — commitment with an escape hatch — is on the rise.


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