- Gender and Relationships
What Creates a Misunderstanding?
Why ask why?
Words are the battlefield.
Today I am taking a deeper look into what causes arguments from miscommunications and misunderstandings. I have recently had a few of these and would like to take a closer look at what could be some of the reasons that people , including myself , have a hard time getting to the root of a discussion and why sometimes it goes off topic , with hurt feelings along the mix. Often we wonder after much discussion of what hurts us , how we are feeling disrespected and trying to make countless points........ what are we so upset about in the first place? We second guess ourselves and listen to the other side in hopes of regaining some form of recall of why, what and how did this all start.
so again......... I am taking on the feat of trying to figure out what assembles this mass subject of hurt, confused and sometimes outrageous behavior called misunderstanding or miscommunication. For if I could rectify this for myself alone , it would be a great thing in my life.
First would be honesty. If everyone would be , we could just believe the other person at their word. For if we trusted that person wholly, we would know that they had no negative motives for speaking the thought. Flip side of that is sometimes a person holds back some of the truth for being embarrassed or trying to protect another, or both. I would still like to hold on to the just believing the person, out of respect and showing trust to the other.
Second to mention is skill. Some folks just can't seem to articulate something as powerful as an emotion. They concentrate on choosing their words with such skill, however the emotion is lost and can't be felt with the words they choose. This is not a great thing if you want to convey how much passion you have for the subject and/or person that you are talking to.
Thirdly.... Making our point ! It seems to be ever changing as the one topic turns to three new ones. It may start as one point but escalates quickly if the conversation gets out of our control.
Fourth is a difference of opinion of how one should feel or do . That goes back to just respecting others for being different. However if it is your partner.....gotta just call a truce at times and try to remember viva la differance and love them for everything great about them.
Fifth would be that uncomfortable time of just saying your sorry for your part in the heated discussion and understand that your feelings and theirs are different , which is probably why this misunderstanding is just that. Possibly wait to speak more about your side the next day and see if your someone special has had any new insight after you discussed their side of the matter. It may be more important that the one you love ......knows that you do and to just listen to their feelings. Your feelings can be addressed when they are more able to hear you..... and that may only be when you can apoligize for their hurt feelings and mean it.
Most understand and realize couples seem to argue about small issues and it always is a larger , more intimate issue that truly is at hand. For years I have read about how to argue fair and make it more about a discussion of ones own needs and to talk about the why I feel a certain way without using the word you. Not saying that is bad advice at all but after you have done that and the heated discussion is still on........thats the tough part. So a new level of skill is needed.
I firmly believe that everyones feelings count and that one person has the ability to make another smile and feel good or one could make the other feel torturous. Miscommunication is a part of life and relationships, I think it is high time we all try to fiquire out how to derail them from being so dangerous to relationships.
Lastly on the subject. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff but to conquer the large things is moving mountains and a worthwhile relationship is worth moving three for. Let us all show that other person we care by really listening to them ...daily ! Let us share all of us so that when we say something they know it is the whole truth. If they need reminding of your love and honor toward the union....tell them Daily..... we should anyway. I feel it is always safe to assume who we chose is who we want to keep and forever happy with.
There is always going to be a flipside of this controversial subject. Fully knowing this myself ........The truth will set one free and sometimes that same truth can be used to hurt others with. When there is good in a person hearts...no matter how upset and angry one gets...........name calling and vicious behavior will not follow. Some say that is fighting unfair....I say that is unfair persons with huge anger issues and I dare to say they will not unleash all that on me but once.
Now lets all go tell the one, that we love ...... we love them and show them that love can feel good....real good!
Happy Loving !