You, Yourself, and Others - Why Your Relationship with YOU Matters

It isn't about winning an argument or getting your way in a relationship. When you have a peaceful relationship with yourself, it isn't about ego at all. If you are battling internally with an issue, ask yourself why. Is it because of the choice you have to make? Is it because you are compromising too much?There is give and take in every relationship. But if one partner is the one always surrendering in favor of another, clearly he or she is building a wall in the relationship that will eventually cause barriers in the relationship. If you find that is happening to you frequently, stop and reflect.

In becoming unhappy, you are losing the connection to yourself that makes you the person that you are. You may be pleasing someone else by subjugating your own self and will, and for a time the pleasure you are giving them may even give you the satisfaction of making another person happy, but the image of yourself is already being distorted. You are no longer seeing yourself, but the mirror image that is reflected in the eyes of someone else. Is that really you?

All too often, conflicts arise in relationships across society - in marriages, partnerships, families - that originate from various causes. External factors contribute greatly to these, without doubt. Stress caused by financial hardships, health issues, personality clashes, differences of opinion and many others lead to breakdowns in relationships, leaving a trail of anger and resentment, bitterness and injured self-esteem. Sometimes we allow the rage and bitter sentiments to fester in silence until they explode in a furious form, and other times we vent them in smaller bursts causing rifts to develop until large cracks replace them, tearing us away from those we care about and even loved once. Either way, we become miserable wrecks, seeing ourselves as victims of extraneous forces or the willfulness of another who has created the person we think we have become.

Subordinating ourselves to the will of another, be it a significant other, a spouse, a parent or anyone else can seem like an easy way to avoid an argument, to keep the peace. Sometimes, we call it an unspoken compromise. Sometimes, it is necessary and appropriate, such as when you know there will be no agreement in the end. However, when this subordination of will becomes habitual and consistent, you are allowing the sense of peace to become a well of discontent within you, misleading not just the person you have subjugated yourself to, but also to yourself. You have also managed to "hide" yourself - your true self - from all view. Things may seem to roll along smoothly for quite some time, until you discover what you have been concealing.

Above all, having an honest relationship with yourself is the best way to have an honest relationship with others. You see, it all comes from within. So take a journey into your inner recesses and find the treasure that is you. You may actually enjoy the adventure!

Learning to like yourself begins with seeing who you are from within and shaping the curves and lines you see to create the art that is you. How can you do this?

• Spend time being honest to yourself.
• Listen to the voice inside you more often.
• Do at least one or two things each day that you enjoy.
• If you have always wanted to learn a new skill or practice a new hobby, do it!
• Listen to others in your life - partner, children, colleagues, friends that you interact with regularly. Being an active listener to others shows them you care, and often, it is returned to you in the same way.
• The greatest gift you give to others is love and care. And it is the greatest gift you deserve.

If you are feeling angry, bitter or resentful about something that happened to you, face it squarely in the face and break it down into small parts, if necessary. Try to understand what made you angry and why. It is usually better to do this when you have calmed down and can think rationally. You cannot conquer an enemy unless you face it and recognize it; feelings of anger and hostility are adversaries to our well-being, and therefore, need to be faced in order to overcome. Know that anger as a reaction is normal. It is only when we continue to allow it to build up in us that it becomes a source of aggression, depression, and anxiety.

Each one of us has unique abilities and qualities. In order for those to define themselves over a lifetime and flourish, we need space, and by the same token, we need to allow others in our lives that space. No two people are ever the same, even if similar.

Find time for yourself each day to think and do a thing or two you enjoy. Even in the hectic pace of life you lead, there must be a small fraction of time you reserve for yourself. Whether it is to read a book, take a walk, write in a journal, or practice a hobby.

Knowing yourself means knowing your strengths and your weaknesses, being kind and forgiving to yourself, without making excuses. Knowing your frailties gives you the strength to be kind to others, accepting them permits you to accept them in others. Awareness that you are not perfect also makes you realistic in your expectations of others. Life isn't about perfection; it is about harmony. If you are always fighting yourself, how will you strike the notes that carry the sound of harmony? So pause and look into yourself often instead of fleeing from the fears and anxieties that hold you captive in a self that is becoming layered with the rust of unsavory residue.