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What I Learned as a 'Sugar-Baby'
1000 'roses' to you
Do you know where your husband is and is he traveling alone?
Yes, it's true. This 40+ year old single Mom of three took the challenge of posing as a Sugar Baby to test the question, 'Is this legal prostitution?'. In short, the reasons for this type arrangment vary to such large degrees. While some strongly raise the question of prostitution, others simply follow a traditional method of dating with the exeption of money; the wealthy gentleman willing to give his partner an allowance to enhance her financial situation. I'll share with you what I learned from participating in a Sugar Daddy dating website; it was an eye-opening experience for me to learn such lifestyles as these exist right here in my small town.
So, this Summer when I was challenged to do an interesting dating topic, I explored topics such as, "Why Won't He Commit" & "Texting Games" and standard topics. However, my friends and I were really curious about the topic of the 'Sugar Daddy" as we actually know women in our small town who claim to have a 'Sugar Daddy' who pays the bills, pays for cosmetic surgery and her children's tuition at a local private school all for a monthly visit when he comes to town. Her story made it sound really easy and really beneficial, to say the least. Could we find a 'Sugar Daddy' to afford a better lifestyle? Is this really such a bad thing? How does it work? How do you find one? What does a Sugar Baby actually do? We were told there were actual dating websites to find a filthy rich man just looking for an attractive lady to spoil. We were skeptical. We wondered is this really an achievable status? We wondered, " Can women actually advertise on a dating website in search of a Sugar Daddy who will pay her bills in exchange for, well, whatever arrangement you agree works for you both... a travel partner, a monthly companion, a relationship... or is this simply prostitution?
We were feeling particularly adventurous one day and decided to go ahead with the plan. I reasoned, if nothing else, it will give me the material for the dating article. So, we searched the dating websites to find the right one for our experiment. We decided I would create a profile, investigate and determine if we felt this was prostitution or a different career path (well at least for some and for a while). We settled on a website in which you can actually choose your price for your, ahem, 'arrangement'. Examples were $300 or $1000 per month to be awarded to me for my 'arrangement'. Choosing a payment plan felt wrong to me and I felt as if I was certainly doing something illegal.
My friends and I brainstormed on ways I could investigate without actually 'selling' myself as a product or promising any type 'favor' or 'service' Most of all, how it could be done safely (particularly when most are from out of town). We developed a plan to ensure one of my friends would accompany me to any first meeting. Nervously, I created a profile with a few pictures. (Just everyday pictures, nothing seductive). I explained how I loved to 'give men attention'. For my safety, I made this request, "My Sugar Daddy wants to see me have fun and is willing to pay for an extra room for me and my friend to make me feel safe when I meet him". I added, "I am looking for someone I have chemistry with, so I must meet you with no obligation." I felt this would be safe and a fun night out for me and one of my friends involved in this experiment. Yes, I felt nervous and very afraid I would be exposed in my small town as a 'sugar baby'.
What happened next is still overwhelming to me. I received a rush of willing participants of all ages. Men were more than willing to participate in my 'plan'. My best friend and I were immediately scheduled for places and events with VIP passes in places we would never be able to afford as single Moms. We were taken 'out on the town' in very expensive vehicles (our favorite, the Jaguar); we were treated to the finest restaurants (enjoying culinary delights at places we had always wanted to visit); our doors were opened, chairs pulled, escorted down stairs with an extended arm and treated like 'princesses'. These men acted as true gentlemen, their calm confidence was refreshing. They were very respectful and genuinely wanted to see us have a great time and experience new places. One 'sugar daddy', the owner of a very successful law firm, said he had never had so much fun as we were excited over little things he took for granted everyday.
We talked to our Sugar daddies about their careers, their family and the reasons they wanted a 'Sugar Baby'.The most popular answers
1) An attractive woman to spoil: Many men said "I want someone to spoil who appreciates it". After phone discussions, researching on Facebook and emails; we only chose those we felt were legitimate men seeking to build a relationship, not just a 'fling'. These were seemingly morally upstanding men and very interesting gentleman. On all accounts, they appeared to be lonely and looking for someone attractive to show a finer side to life.
2) Travel Partner: The number one request for most of these wealthy men was a 'travel partner'. These men were willing to pay all expenses including their baby's wardrobe to have someone to as a travel companion. Who knows what type of 'arrangement' I could have made. The opportunity was there, however it was definitely 'not right' for me and I actually confessed to several, of my true motive to gather information for an article - I reassured them I would never reveal their names.
3) The Mentor: When I shared with them my dreams and aspirations of becoming a freelance writer, they willingly offered advice, contacts and encouragement. Feeling somewhat guilty for misleading them from the start, I declined. However, they still check in with me from time to time and continue to wish me well & offer some form of encouragement.
4) A 'real' relationship: In many cases, I believe it was more of an arrangement to have a typical relationship, with the exception being, the man is willing to share some of his wealth with his partner.
However, there is a darker side. Sadly, about 40% of those contacting me were married. These were doctors and lawyers and executives you would not suspect. Of course, I never followed through with a meeting with any of these married men and actually took the opportunity to encourage them to work on their marriage. Some of the emails I received from married men raise the question of prostitution a little stronger. I learned the code quickly, 'roses'. I was offered 1000 roses/dollars to meet a local doctor in a hotel room for a wild fling. I was invited to join in with a lawyer and his number one Sugar Baby for a wild night together. I was invited to join married couples in their 'secret' homes in Atlanta, Georgia for a 'sex party'. Naturally, we all used fake names and the married men were ultra secretive. These requests not only made me question the potential of this being prostitution, but the fidelity of men in general-particularly if they have the funds to afford a secret life as these men were willing to fly from different parts of the country to meet me.
I also learned of a completely different reason for a 'sugar-baby'. Men with wives who are sick and wives who are 'okay' with him having someone to 'take care of him' since she no longer can. These men were willing to meet me with their wives just to convince me this was what she wanted. These couples treated this as a job like any 'caretaker' position. If all parties agree with the 'arrangement' is this somehow more morally acceptable?
So, why am I writing about this? Information. Sugar Daddy dating is real. Many young girls are on the websites seeking a Sugar-Daddy. I took extra precautions in this endeavor, however it seems like yet another possibility of a hazard to young girls, so be aware and discuss where necessary. Ultimately, I answered the question (somewhat) of prostitution. While this would definitely be considered immoral by many; apparently the mutually beneficial 'arrangement' between the two is perfectly legal. Many do this in the form of 'friends with benefits' everyday only the benefits are considered to be purely sexual and no exchange of funds are involved. The Sugar-daddy, Sugar-baby 'arrangement' adds another benefit to the lady. Another reason I feel compelled to share this experience is to ask, "Hey, wives of very successful, wealthy men; is your husband a Sugar Daddy... perhaps even because you no longer appreciate the lifestyle you are currently afforded?" Another possible reason to post on this website is to say, "Hey, if your freelance writing career doesn't work out, here's an alternative". Smile. That was funny!