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Is Love More Important than Marriage?
Marriage is a period in one's life when a person steps away from a younger earlier phase to a new one. It is the next phase of life, where one decides to bind one's life with another person. Naturally, it is one of the most important phase, and may last till one's last breath on earth.
We see many young people plunging into this bond of marriage whimsically, without thought. The first person he or she likes becomes the partner. Often, this ends badly, in fights, abuse, or divorce. No wonder so many marriages in the US end in divorce. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriage is even higher.
The age of getting married of course does not have a bearing on its permanence. The maturity of the two people involved does. People who know and understand what it takes to become a couple and to remain one as long as is possible are the ones who enjoy long relationships and marriages. Only mature people can handle the partnership that is called 'marriage'. Those who cannot, may do well with just living together and sharing their quarters.
Due to the demands of a marriage, many people in the modern age have denounced marriage completely. They decide never to marry.
What are the advantages of remaining unmarried, and being in a 'relationship'. As more and more women are joining the workforce, they are not keen on being 'married'. Who is at an advantage when there is no marriage? The man, the woman, or the children? Or can we say that everyone is at a disadvantage?
Marriage is a personal decision. If society permits having an intimate relationship without entering into marriage, and the parties involved are okay with it, then who am I to question that? But it is time we gave some thought to the usefulness of marriage.
But is a relationship without marriage a lasting relationship? Is it secure? Is it convenient for the children? Is it necessary to ask the children what they want? Whether they want a family or not. Whether they want security or not.
There is no dearth of examples of dysfunctional families. Why are there families suffering from alcoholism and drug abuse? Why are some children never going to become healthy and strong citizens? Why are some parents unable to guide their children on the right path?
Comments
- Author
Thank you for your comment. I understand your point. T believe that there are innumerable individual as well as cultural differences in the way one perceives love, commitment, partnership, or marriage.
"Marriage is a period in one's life when a person steps away from a younger earlier phase to a new one. It is the next phase of life, where one decides to bind one's life with another person." - Not necessarily!
A "commitment" is what you described which usually occurs BEFORE a marriage takes place. Few people would marry without feeling committed.
A marriage is a (legal status) in accordance with a city, state, or country's bylaws. It provides legal protection and financial benefits in the event there is a divorce such as division of assets and finances. It also allows one to have entitlements in the event of a spouse's death.
Even married couples have "deal breakers", "boundaries", and are capable of growing apart or no longer wanting the same things as the years go by. Ultimately a divorce is a public admission that a mistake was made in one's mate selection process.
I believe there are three basic reasons why couples divorce.
1. They married the wrong person.
As you noted young people often jump into marriage. Many times this is before they figure out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life. Oftentimes they allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship decisions.
That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
2. They got married for the wrong reasons.
In some instance people get married because they had an "age goal", all of their friends were married, there was an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, their mate has money or connections...etc
A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.
3. They grew apart or stopped wanting the same things.
Like everything else on the planet human beings tend to change or evolve over time. We're either "growing together" or "growing apart". Communication is the GPS for relationships that lets you know which one it is. What you considered "ideal mate" material at age 25 may not be what you want at age 35, 45, or 55. It's also possible you want to go into a completely different direction and your spouse does not. It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:
"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."
There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want.
(Whether it's having children or relocating to a different country...etc)
When we change our circumstances change.