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What about the Children, it isn't just the spouse who is cheated on.

Updated on May 20, 2011

Our society is numb to right and wrong

It's all we hear about these days. Which celebrity is cheating on their spouse this week? It is in the news so often that people have turned a blind eye to adultery. They tend to think it is "commonplace". So many couples cheat on each other that vows just don't mean what they are supposed to mean. It is quite troubling. Marriage vows are really very simple when you read and analyze them. Promises, to be true, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. Forsaking ALL others, I will love you and honor you, all the days of my life. Love you and honor you. Forsake all others. Be true in good times AND in bad times. Why do so many people take these words so lightly? It's easy to love someone during the GOOD times. What makes a real marriage is staying and working it out through the BAD times. The really rough days. Days you want to head for the hills and never look back.

This is not to say that all marriages can be saved. Of course there are those who need to separate. For the sake of all concerned. Things change, problems certainly can be irreconcilable. Of course, in the situations of abuse. I get that, but the majority of marriages that break up are from sheer laziness and selfish behavior. One partner is unhappy with the way the relationship is heading or has what it has become. Instead of insisting on therapy, or truly letting the other know just how unhappy they are, they decide to destroy the marriage, essentially chewing their foot off to get out of what they see as a trap. Maybe the spouse did not pick up on the cues, that happens as well, but I still do not give them a free pass to commit adultery. Involving a third party is never the answer unless that third party is a marriage counselor.

In the case of the family with children, does anyone stop to think about the children while they are pursuing someone of the opposite sex for an adulterous meeting? I would think not, because if they took five minutes to think of the damage their behavior would be doing to their offspring while they break the vows they made to their mother or father, one might walk away. How does a father explain to their child why he was sleeping with the maid when he is supposed to love Mommy? Children feel a sense of security when they know that their mother and father are in love. They may act like they hate the hugging and kissing, but they like it alot more than they do if they are seeing Dad kissing someone who is not their mother.

The lasting impressions? That commitment is false. That forever is a lie. Children grow up thinking that taking vows and making promises mean nothing. That anytime they feel insecure or are angry, dissatisfied, or simply feeling unappreciated, they may go out and find anyone, just anyone to fill that void. They never learn the importance of taking care of yourself and fixing problems withing yourself rather than doing something awful and blaming the other person for your inadequacies. This does not make a very good foundation for life.

As far as these other women who surface as soon as scandals hit the news for their five minutes of fame? They are criminals as far as I am concerned. They act as though they have been wronged. Really? Is that what they think? Its all the guy's fault? True, he is the one who made the vows, but why is she excused? If she knew he was married, why did she pursue him? Keep walking, he is not available. Who do they think they are to get involved in someone else's marriage? How dare they take an active part in helping someone leave his wife? Then try to step into the spouse's shoes even before the ink is dry on the divorce papers. Really? Women think this is good behavior. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Don't even call yourselves women. You have no self respect. This is a married man who obviously is easily swayed from vows he made. Why would you want him anyway? How much do you think of yourselves if this is all you think you are worth? I certainly hope there is karma for these women. They should be held accountable as criminals, guilty of destroying families.

When one chooses to bring a life into the world, they owe it to their offspring to give them the best life possible. I am not suggesting the best life means filling it with material items. No, absolutely not, a serial killer could do that, that isn't parenting. True parenting is setting an example. Laying down a path that is straight and narrow. A guide to life for your children to follow. That yes, sometimes life is good, even great. Other times are simply horrible. But horrible times are no excuse to take the one that you vowed to love, honor and cherish, and bury him or her in pain that they will never truly overcome. The true test of strength is making it through the bad times. This is what shows your children what is important and what is not.

One of the major problems we have in our society now is the lack of accountability. If you make a mistake, take your lumps, deal with it the best way you can and then do the right thing. Taking others down with you is never the right way to fix a wrong. Pretending that it was someone else' fault, is a poor example for those around you, especially children, even if they are grown children. It's always best to stand up, be strong and fix yourself. You will never find happiness through someone else, and as long as you are weak within your own spirit you will not find happiness within yourself. Be strong, be accountable, if you truly want to play the field and sleep around, then you should not be married. End it and then have your party. You will not be doing anything wrong that way, unless you sleep with a married person.... But if at all possible, people seriously need to read over the vows they took and learn exactly what they mean. They aren't just words. If you have a family, remember children become the person their parents teach them to be. They are watching, seeing, taking note. We should not be closing our eyes to them.


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    • Bruce A. Beaudet profile image

      Bruce A. Beaudet 6 years ago from Canada

      Well said and it reminds me of a narrative passage in the bible where the religious leaders of the day were trying to trap Jesus with this question on divorce: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for every and any reason?" Jesus replies, Moses granted your fathers a certificate of divorce because their hearts were hard...what God has joined together, let no man separate.

      In the bible, hardness of heart is always associated with stubbornness.

    • profile image

      bizymomof3 6 years ago

      Thank you so much for your comments Alastar Packer, they mean alot to me.

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      You have written a superb Hub on this situation. My Lord I've seen this happen in life so many times and the children pay the heaviest price of all. The next door neighbors just split up and I'll bet their 4 year old boy is wondering in that precious little mind of his why mommy and daddy aren't around together anymore. Thank you bizymomof3.