What Constitutes a Meaningful Relationship?

In a world filled with Kardashians propagandas, and $300 flat fee divorce advertisements, a meaningful relationship is an anomaly. But for the brave souls out there seeking their other half, not all hope is lost. It would be insane to attempt to define such an abstract concept, rather, let me point out a few fundamentals that establish the pillars of a strong and healthy relationship.

The relationship cannot be lopsided. One party cannot have too much power whereas the other side is entirely dependent. Do not take this balance of power at face value, the power dynamic is not governed by finance, physical strength, nor professional title. In any relationship, whoever needs the other person less, has more power. Penetrate through the façade of it, and you will truly see who is more desperate of the other person.

There is a world of difference between being together out of desire, and being together out of desperation.

Do not muddle the line.

In an ideal relationship, two people are together out of desire and happiness, truly enjoy one another’s company and the time that is shared. In any given moment, they can both walk away and live fulfilling lives independently, yet they choose to be together and cherish one another. Relationships that are constructed out of desperation always have a taste of bitterness that even third parties will notice.

The guy should display a positive outlook in life, exuberate confidence, and maintain control at all times. Live a passionate lifestyle! Be zealous and curious, dream big, and take actions. Confidence is to not be a coward, stay true to who you are, and have faith in yourself – not the same as being arrogant, but be confident with your words, your actions, and your decisions. Maintain control – master yourself, handle your emotions, do not be fickle, and react gracefully under pressure.

The girl should exhibit feminine beauty, general sanity, and fidelity. Beauty both inside and out, have hobbies beyond self-indulging vanity and cultivate a strong and healthy physique. Be honest and fair, hold yourself with great poise, and radiate with happiness. Never lose your cool, do not whine. When in doubt, ask yourself, what would a 40–year–old me do instead?

All is fair in love and war, all it takes is for you to take actions. These are qualities that can be and should be cultivated. Learn them, grow them, live them. Constantly reflect on your own actions and decisions,

Note: this is not to say that a man should not display fidelity, sanity, and aesthetic beauty, nor to say a woman should not display positive outlook in life, confidence, and control. I am merely highlighting several qualities that are of paramount importance yet are often overlooked.

So what is the most important thing in a relationship?

One might point out to the most obvious – love! Meaningful relationships consist of love! But alas, what generic answer that is, further exploration begs the discussion on the components of love. I have once heard this breakdown on love as a kid, which stuck with me, and I still wholeheartedly stand by today.

Love is a three-part building block (like an atom), and it consists of trust, sex, and communications (just like neutron, proton, and electrons). If you take either component away, then it is no longer a relationship (at least not a romantic one).

Give it a second to sink in.

A meaningful relationship does not exist without open, transparent dialogues; not just frivolous talks, but explorations of feelings and emotions, exchanges of ideas and visions, sharing life plans and dreams. A meaningful relationship does not exist without passionate, all-consuming sex; the tease and taunt, the urge to be with one another, and to give each other liberating orgasms. A meaningful relationship does not exist without trust in one another.

From the perspective of the man, the man must trust in his woman that she will remain faithful through thick and thin, and not to run off with the first celebrity she meets. And from the perspective of the woman, trust extends beyond fidelity, she must have trust in his ability – ability to provide, to not back down from a challenge, and to have courage against all odds.

The three-part building blocks compose what we call love, these are the structures that stand once the initial “puppy love” fizzles out. Love is the overarching umbrella, underneath lies the ingredients that sustain a balanced, healthy relationship; one which lasts, and one which allows children to thrive, and hopefully one day to imitate.

Be true to yourself. Bypass your emotions, avoid your self-protecting psychological hindrances, push through your barriers – and ask yourself, reflect – are you truly happy? Is your relationship meaningful and worth your time? What needs to be changed? How can you grow?

These are indeed the most difficult questions to confront. It requires you to lay naked in front of truth. But I promise you will come out better on the other side. A meaningful relationship in the modern world is an anomaly, but it only requires you to be brave, be courageous and be audacious. Make sacrifices necessary in yourself to fit the vision you wish to become.