- Gender and Relationships»
What does a girl need to be asked out?
Why aren't those "nice guys" asking you out, you ask? Look in the mirror, and you will find your answer.
Naturally curious to find answers for all my confusion in life, I recently took advantage of the opportunity to talk to a group of singles at a Happy Hour get together in my hood. Upon arriving at the local bar, a single guy immediately started in with the compliments (of course, he was already a beer ahead of me with the liquor intake).
"You have a gorgeous smile." Well, thank you! That's a nice icebreaker.
"We are so happy to have you join us. You look great!" Wow, feeling the acceptance at this stage.
"You are so beautiful and smart-- why are you still single?" Record screech. Now I feel like Quasimodo who can't get a guy to ask me out.
Then I turned my attention to a guy who was with a woman, and they both seemed like fun individuals. They had been seeing each other for four months, so it was safe to say they were in a relationship. I asked the gentleman, "why is it that guys gush about how great a catch I am, and yet, I never get asked out?"
At this point, without any jealous stares from his 4-month main squeeze, he flatly replied, "you're not average."
"What? That's not fair!" I tell him. But he goes on: "Guys are intimidated by hot women, assuming they'll reject them, so they go with the 'safe' bet. The average woman." At this point, I start becoming irritated. I thought, all these years, that men are visual creatures, and are attracted to the most eye-catching species of their counter-parts. Millions of articles I read backed me up on this. Shoot, lots of men have confirmed this. Unfortunately, the types of men who actually ask me out are the "players" who don't care if they hurt my feelings, or better put, have been rejected by so many women that they grow a thick skin.
Case in point: a guy was pursuing me on Facebook, and I knew nothing about him, other than he was alumni to my alma mater. He seemed OK, and his looks were, eh, mediocre, but he had confidence to make the "first move" to contact me and ask if we could meet. Then this message entered my inbox:
"Sheila this is 'D's' girlfriend, It's obvious I need to cut him out of my life after 2 years, no offense to you, I find it interesting how he makes himself appear single. Again, I'm not looking for trouble, just leaving him evidence of his wrong doings. Thanks"
Ouch. I stopped messaging him immediately. Or her. Whatever.
Then there are those shy guys-- you know, the sweet, caring and nice types. I've heard about them, and they are a docile and illusive creature, kind of like deer in the forest. You hear about them, but seldom will you come face to face with them, and if you do, they dart in another direction if they notice you.
Well, can I say it chaps my hide that these special, gentle men out there are really shooting themselves in the foot by not making the first step? No pun intended. Um, I recently talked to my favorite gal at the checkout in my regular nearby store. She snickered and leaned in to tell me that a guy who works there has a "crush on me."
She says that when last we talked and I left, he went over to tell her that he "would so marry me." I giggled and said, "that's sweet-- he doesn't even know me!" I begged her to point me in his direction, and she pointed to a sweet, young guy who I just cracked a joke about St. Patrick's Day before I entered the store. He was pushing the carts together, using his cute, little deer hooves. Bless his young soul.
So why didn't he just go ahead and make a first move?
Moral of the story: You don't need to be a hot, smokin' thing for a guy to make the first move. Just be average. Sorry for those of you who consider yourselves "less" than average, but let the thought of hot women everywhere feeling just as lonely comfort you. To this day, I have never been asked out on a date from showing up in public. Damn those stupid articles about how "love finds you when you least expect it, and it will be serendipity." They meant "average women."
My suggestion: go online for dating. The shy guys are less "intimidated" to make the first move. Only problem so far: the shy guys who make the first move online are the ones who know you're out of their league.
Shout out to the hot guys who are shy: Make your move, and don't second guess yourself. The average girls are always waiting on the sideline, but if you don't take a chance, you'll never know if you could have filet mignon instead of meatloaf.