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What exactly are you looking for in a relationship? Why do you want a relationship?

Updated on November 1, 2015

Some of the questions one might fail to ask their-self, especially if they have decided to enter into a relationship or thinking of going into relationship or is already in one, is, "What exactly am I looking for in this relationship?"

Let's come to terms now, every single human being right now, as we speak, is in some form of relationship. Whether it be friendship or intimate. Also, we all are subconsciously or consciously in a relationship for some reason. It is just a part of our genetic make up. As unusual as some relationships might be, we are in it for one reason or the next. Some of us have a definite reason, some of us are not sure, while others are just in a relationship to see what will happen.

There are a few things that you as an individual must come to terms with, especially with yourself. One must realize that relationships takes time, and, for some, time is money and is too valuable to be wasted. Take some time out, and it doesn't matter how long, to ask yourself "what am I looking for in a relationship?" Is it security? whether financial security, or just to feel safe with someone. Is it for love? Is it to achieve a common goal? etc.

The second question should be, "What makes you and the individual compatible? It was said no relationship is compatible but I believe that compatibility does exists unless what I think compatibility is, is not what some people believes compatibility is. So, let me first say compatibility for me means where I lack the person must be stronger. It is as simple as that.

Not only should you know why you are in a relationship or what you are going in a relationship for but YOU MUST try to find out what the person also wants. Too often does a person leaves a relationship with the sentence "This is not what I signed up for", "I did not know this is what would happen", "I am not sure what I want anymore", "You were not what I wanted", "Things have changed between us." It is sad but true. Take time to know the person before being with them. Take time to find out how they react under pressure, how open they are, what they are really like. Yes, you can't know a person in a day or two or a month etc but you can detect certain behaviors over a period of time.


Another thing to note while engaging towards a relationship is, let your intentions be known. Timing is perfect but when? Are you looking for a short term relationship or long term relationship? Are you just with someone because you fear being alone? Are you in want of a relationship because you need a companion to be there for you? Are you wanting a relationship because you want a child? Is it because you need a back up? What is the reason?

Remember, a relationship does not involve just you but also the other person. Can you stand yourself? Do you know yourself? A relationship should not entail selfishness but selflessness once you recognize a selfish attitude about yourself, try to fix it by learning to love unconditionally. By loving unconditionally, you learn to not just think of You but instead US. A relationship entails teamwork and strategy. Teamwork makes things happen. It means you have each other's back and cheer each other. That means there must be balance. You scratch my back while I scratch yours. If one person is not helping the other then it is not a mutual relationship it is more a parasitic relationship as a result one individual becomes drained with a feeling of loneliness and unfortunately for some depression. Failing to realize that your partner is as important as you and requires care defeats the whole purpose of the relationship. Learn to compliment and encourage each other. Do activities together. FIND TIME TO DATE whether or not you are married. Always remember, what ever you do, whether it is done in secret or open, it does have an effect on the relationship and also the other person.


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