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What is Great Sex ?

Updated on February 28, 2013
debbiepinkston profile image

Debbie is a licensed counselor in the state of Arkansas. She lived in Venezuela and worked with a local orphanage there for many years.


What It's All About...

There are many opinions and ideas about what great sex is about. Some may think that great sex is having a lot of sex with a lot of people. Others think that the kinkier the better, and their sex life resembles a poor recreation of what they have seen in movies. Others prefer their own company and don’t have to deal with a real relationship. None of these things appeal to me and I have my own ideas about what great sex is all about.

For starters, great sex is only great when two people care deeply about each other and are committed to each others' happiness.

Approach is everything.
Approach is everything. | Source

The Approach

Great sex starts with a great approach (see my Hub on “How to Approach Sex With your Wife”). Asking “Hey woman, when am I gonna get some?” is not a good idea. Telling your wife how beautiful she is, or telling your husband how much you admire him is a great way to start. Helping your partner with chores during the day and refraining from criticism helps set the stage for great sex.

Satisfying sex is about giving to your partner the same enjoyment that you receive, being selfless and giving.

Awesome sex is about learning what your partner likes and dislikes. It’s a lesson in progress and the learning is never done. It’s about asking the right questions, truly hearing your partner’s answers and putting it into practice. It’s not being afraid to get it wrong and to try again.

Feeling Good In Your Body and Connecting

People who engage in great sex feel good about their bodies and don’t feel embarrassed in front of their partner. Having a perfect body has nothing to do with great sex! Feeling comfortable in your own skin and knowing how to use your body is the key! People like this know their partner loves their body and isn’t critical of the stretch marks or the extra tire around the middle!

Connecting on every level is an important part of great sex. If sex is just a physical act, it becomes mechanical and empty. Being connected emotionally with your partner while engaging in sex takes it to the next level! Sometimes a couple may even feel connected psychically and spiritually during love making. What a huge difference between this kind of sex and just “doing it” with whoever!

Trusting the person you are making love to is essential. I’m not just talking about trusting them to be faithful, although that is crucial. Trusting your partner to not belittle you or criticize you, or to hurt you in any way is important to be able to enjoy sex fully.

The magic can happen at any age!
The magic can happen at any age! | Source

At Any Age!

Great sex can happen at any age. It isn’t reserved for the young and beautiful! Many older couples find that their sex life is much more satisfying than when they were younger, because they know each other better, they feel more settled with each other, and they don’t have the responsibility of children and other stressful distractions to deal with.

Music, chocolates, and a little wine may help set the mood but they’re not necessarily going to guarantee great sex. A caring attitude, a good approach and being connected on as many levels as possible is ultimately what it’s all about!


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    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Connection is key, yes. Whether between spouses, lovers or significant others. Creativity -- and such a deep engagement with the physical that it approaches the spiritual -- don't hurt either.

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Ken, I'm glad you enjoyed this Hub. Sex can be so many different things to different people but I have to say that the best experience is when husband and wife are deeply connected to each other, respect each other, and hear each others' heart.

    • Kenja profile image

      Ken Taub 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Hey Deb: Enjoyed your piece (esp. the music, chocolates and a little wine part --what's not to like?), and thank you for the welcome note. Ken

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Thank you! Would you believe that this Hub was unpublished by the editors? I had to take out a few words and disable the advertisements! I was shocked because I tried so hard to be tasteful and discreet!

    • TOBE54 profile image

      John 5 years ago

      Great article Debbie!! All I can say is keep up the great work!

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Thank you Mellony. It seems that many people have a very shallow concept of what great sex is all about. They may get the physical satisfaction but they're missing the greater aspect! I think that some people, as they get older and wiser, begin to understand what its all about, the deeper meaning and connection. I sometimes feel sorry for those who don't get that part of's only about their own satisfaction and they miss out on the best part!

    • Mellonyy profile image

      Mellonyy 5 years ago

      It is not all about sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. It is more deeper, it's merging of our bodies and souls in one entity at the same time. Voted up, great article!

    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      RC, a Hub from a guy's perspective would be great. I wrote completely from a woman's perspective and some men's perspective. I think as men get older they still want sex but also long for more meaningful connection with the person they love.

      It will be a challenge to write on this topic without being censored by Hubpages. I just found out my hub needed revision to meet the standards. I'm still trying to figure out how I may have violated protocol or used lewd language or photos. I tried hard to be tasteful. I have made revisions and eliminated the Amazon ads. We'll see if the team decides it passes inspection now.

    • RC Cooper profile image

      RC Cooper 5 years ago from Michigan

      I have wondered about writing a hub in regards to sex from a guy's perspective. Thanks for this.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      This is very good advice. Sex is a spiritual thing between two loving, caring people.