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What is Love?

Updated on July 18, 2011

What is Love?

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more. Nah, just kidding. That is a great song, but not what this article is about.

First, let's discuss what love IS, because the majority of this article will be focused on what love is NOT. Love is what most people feel for their parents, their siblings and their children. It is this feeling of being willing to give your own life to save theirs.

Love is always unconditional. For example, if you found out one of your children was gay, you'd still love them -- and if you didn't still love them, you never really did love them to begin with. You might have thought you did though. Another example is if you found out your partner was cheating on you. Even though you'd know you couldn't stay together, you'd still love them and forgive them for how they betrayed you. You'd still stay in contact with them even after you separated.

This is love. I am not going to call it true love, because the only REAL love is true love. Love lasts and never fades no matter what happens.  Love is not based on the appearance of someone's physical body, how much money they have and how much security they can provide you with.  Love is about simply caring for someone no matter how they look, what they choose to do or how they treat you.

What is Love?
What is Love?

What Love is NOT

Now let's get into what love is not. It often sickens me to hear people degrade the word love by calling what they have ''love.'' In fact, the majority of people I know aren't really in love, even though they throw the word around a lot with each other.

What these people are calling love is NOT actually love. Instead it's an illusory series of emotions that our brain causes us to feel to ensure we pro-create. On it's surface, it may feel like intense connection and love, but when you really start to ask questions and analyze it, you begin to see it's not love at all, but rather a complex emotion that involves having the following needs fulfilled:

  • Physical attraction
  • A sense of emotional, physical and possibly even financial security
  • Validation that you are worthy of being loved and accepted

When you find a partner who meets all three of these basic human needs, you begin to feel this clever, complex and illusory emotion that resembles love. However, it is important to keep in mind this is NOT love. At least not at first. It has the potential to grow into love, even though most of the time that does not happen.

When people have all of these needs met, they truly believe they are in love because it is such an exciting feeling to be getting all of that from someone who you think of as a very special person.

However, what happens when someone else comes along who can meet the above three needs much better than the first person? Often times, people will leave their partner for someone who can fulfill the above needs even better. Why? This false ''love'' isn't based on loving the person at all, but rather how they make you feel. If someone else can make you feel better chances are you will migrate away from your old partner and go to the new one instead -- if you don't truly love them.

Let's not kid ourselves guys. Orlando Bloom probably has way more money than all of us put together, better looks and could provide better security for our girlfriends. No matter what they might say, if he was to actually decide he wanted them, they would leave us for him in a heart beat -- unless they truly loved us. Some of our girlfriends may actually love us. Who knows? However, I am willing to bet most of our girlfriends just have this false illusion of love for us.

I'm not trying to paint guys as the victims either, ladies. Chances are your boyfriends would leave you Angelina Joe Li or Jessica Simpson in a second, if given the chance. It's just the sad reality and we can't stop pretending like it doesn't exist.


I am not in any way, shape or form saying love doesn't exist. Love really does exist! It's just such a rare thing now days and it seems like everyone thinks they have it. However, when their relationships inevitably fall apart and they end up hating their ex-partner, the truth that there never was real love there begins to become clear.

I'm not saying you shouldn't date anyone or have fun in relationships. After all, the above three needs ARE human needs. Just don't kid yourself that you're actually in love. Realize the only reason you are into that person is because you love the way they make you feel about yourself. They are physically attractive, they provide you with a sense of security and they make you feel valued and worthy of human affection. Those are great feelings to have!

Just don't lose yourself in the illusion, because that's when you get hurt.


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    • profile image

      Camo Girl!!! 

      7 years ago

      THIS IS GOOD=)))

    • jaredbangerter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from New York City

      Thank you for the positive feedback, Erin. :]

    • Ebower profile image

      Erin Bower 

      7 years ago from Georgia

      I agree with you whole-heartedly. So many people confuse hormones and infatuation with love. Real love, on the other hand, includes commitment and self-sacrifice. Thanks for pointing out the truth; I voted this up and awesome.


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