ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What is Self-actualized Love

Updated on October 14, 2013

Love is never stronger than when it is completely unreasonable”-Victor Hugo

"Drop the idea that attachment and love is one thing. They are enemies. It is attachment that destroys all love. If you feed and nourish attachment, love will be destroyed; if you feed and nourish love, attachment will fall away by itself. They are not one; they are two separate entities, and antagonistic to each other." -Osho

The cornerstone of a self-actualized person's philosophy is always Love. Nothing a self-actualized person pursues can be possible without Love. Love for self, love for others, and love for one’s environment all must be in place before a self-actualized person can emerge.

First let me explain to you what Self-actualization is. The term was originally introduced by the theorist Kurt Goldstein for the motive to realize all of one's potentialities. In his view, it is the master motive of a human being. The concept was brought to prominence through Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory as the final level of psychological development that can be achieved when all basic needs have been fulfilled.

My definition of self-actualization is a state of heightened-awareness achieved when one has assimilated and understood the contradictory nature of reality through the seven arts of Self-inflicted Philosophy. By this definition a self-actualized person is a self-interrogator, a rebellious-creator, an infinite-player, a new-hero, a hypocritical-artist, and a new-layman all wrapped up into one open-minded, compassionate finite observer of an infinite reality.

My definition of self-actualized love is a mix of passion and freedom. It is welcomed and enjoyed; non-possessive, admiring, not needy, and pleasure-giving. It is never sated, doesn't require gratification, and generates little anxiety or hostility. Instead it generates abundance, creativity, understanding, open-mindedness, and hunger.

A self-actualized lover has a complete understanding of the male/female human condition; from the difference in hormones to the difference in neuronal mapping; from the difference in sex-drive to the difference in comfort needs. A self-actualized lover realizes that there is no dominance only difference; that the differences between the two sexes is its own beauty: the beauty of opposites; the beauty of the yin-yang; the beauty of anima and animus.

A self-actualized lover understands that mankind’s modern dilemma of love stems from a misunderstanding of nature itself. Modern man believes that he is separate from nature, that he is above nature, and that he has the “right” to conquer, control, consume, and destroy the landscape and any sustainable cultures living there. It is this misunderstanding of the way that nature works that has modern man believing that he can use and abuse love in the same way; by conquering, controlling, and eventually imprisoning love. A self-actualized lover seeks to reverse this cultural conditioning and societal brainwashing by acting like a sponge that soaks up the morass of human ignorance and turns it into love through emotional alchemy and love-mirroring.

At this level self-actualized lovers seek to fulfill each others purposes in life; to help each other realize their full potential. They seek to make each others highest values a reality. Their intimacy is devoted to individual need fulfillment, individual well-being, and relationship satisfaction. They realize that by loving the self (ego-love) they are more capable of mirroring such love onto others. Self-actualized lovers mirror their self-love onto each other, thereby creating a give and take, push and pull, inhale exhale, dance of human energy magnified by the aesthetic, the psychic, and the spiritual transference of difference to create a unification of human nature that transcends the self. This kills egotism, self-indulgence and narcissism in its tracks. It also plants the positive seed of compersion that eventually balances out the negativity of jealousy.

A self-actualized lover also understands the dark-side of love, the shadow that love can cast. They realize that pain is reciprocal to love; that pain is as much a side-effect of love as love is a side-effect of pain, but that such pain is a beautiful-pain in the sense that it is proof that they were capable of loving something more than themselves.

Life is pain, princess. Anybody who tells you otherwise is selling something.” –Dread Pirate Roberts (The Princess Bride)

It hurts when you lose somebody you love. It hurts when your love is not returned. It even hurts when you cannot return the love you know somebody else has for you. Pain and Love are reciprocal, and that's okay. One burns so the other may glow.

There's an old Greek myth:

The Greek gods were bored so they invented humans. They were still bored so they invented Love. Love drove them crazy, so they invented laughter.

And here we are.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)