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What is happening to me

Updated on May 3, 2019
Jade Anibor profile image

A single thirty year old relationship expert, and a love coach. A writer and researcher.

What do I want to write?

Yes I am single, I know.

The fact that I am a single lady living in Africa, makes me clueless on dating issues and relationships. Seriously, I have heard that a thousand times. But wait.... Who still dates and experience different shades of love life, and relationships with the opposite sex? Single people! So who is more experienced now? The one who rushed into an early marriage, and feel she has made a mistake? Or the one who married for material benefits alone? Or probably the one who married someone he or she does not love? Well if you would ask me, I would say we all have this perfect experience in our respective circumstance towards giving advice on relationships. But the best advice can be given by someone who saw the signs and escaped. The one who did not give in to societies norms on when they feel the right age is, for you to get romantically involved with someone, and get married.

I have escaped bad relationships, and that has also contributed in making me a realist. My expectations on marriage and how much happiness it can offer; is now moderated. I have learned over time, that only you can make yourself happy. Happiness is a choice, just as poverty is a thing of the mind.

You can go from beautiful to ugly in your marriage, if you let it. You can go from happy to an angry monster, if you let it. It is your choice, your decision. Many unhappy married people saw the signs, but neglected them. If a man does not buy you gifts when dating, he won't buy them for you when married. If she is not romantic and compassionate to you while dating, she will not be when married.

Well you can try to change your spouse, but do not expect your expectations to be fulfilled or close to be fulfilling. So that brings us back to the topic of discussion; What is happening to me? It all started from the beginning.

What is happening to me?

Relax, it is a major problem, and a relatively few challenge to some. We have all asked ourselves that question at some point in our lives. I can assure you that if you listen harder, you will get the answer.

Let's start with, I know what is wrong with you. You are dating the wrong people over and over again. I am not trying to sound annoying, but I need to be honest. Check out that mind list of yours, and see if the person you are with has even two of the major attribute you are looking for in a mate. So what happened? You bent the rules because you did not want to be like aunty Mercy who is forty years and still single. Or you probably heard that single at thirty causes depression. Common! I am over thirty with a few months, and I have never felt this confident, fulfilled and educated as I am now.

Remember, we are here to discuss an issue. So please I beg you to have an open mind. Have you ever wondered what you love in him/her? Is it something tangible that could sustain a relationship? Build a marriage? And contribute to your future generation? It is not all about you. Remember, you long to have children and enjoy marital bliss. So think about your future children, and those romantic moments you plan to have. Is she or he worth it?

I have been accused of waiting for Mr perfect. I laugh so hard in my mother tongue right now. Really? Is there a perfect human being? We are all imperfect! And they know that. So, listen to their ridicule and don't take them seriously. Those who make those claim, are most times in an unhappy marriage, and they want to distract you from your goals of getting it right. So please, say no to the noise and take your time. It is better to wait long, than marry wrong.

You may not be ready, you may need to evaluate yourself, your aspirations and values. You must also involve God in your relationship hundred percent, to achieve that great marriage with very few problems that can be handled.

As a matter of fact, nothing is achieved from blaming yourself to hard! Stop being so critical of you. The question may not always be what is happening to you? It may also be what is happening to him/her, or us.

Rome was not built in a day. Never compare your circumstance with others. Some relationships end abruptly, others woefully. Whatever the case; proves no one is immune. Even the happy marriages has learned the true essence of forgiveness.

So enjoy your challenges with a happy face and a right attitude! You being single up till now, can also be a saving grace.

What leads to one of the major martial issues.

I can't find love? Why does no one love me?

You can find love once you attract the right person. I was once tired of hearing those words the RIGHT PERSON, because I wondered what that is? The right person is someone your mind needs, wants, dreams of and wishes to be with. Your mind knows what you need because you have mediated it over time. And when you bring to it what has never been captured, it struggles to love it. You see yourself compromising all laws, principles claiming it is for love. But at the end of the day; you will be back to the same question; why can I not find love? Am sorry if you feel this way; listen I can help.

If it is not love, do not go for it. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not behave indecently, does not look for it's own interest, does hate, does not make you inferior, does not deprive you of natural happiness.

Why does no one love you? Let me think of that.

Love makes you smile, gives you a sense of belonging, a reason to wake up each day with a positive outlook, a moment to create moments, and a life that is truly contented. If you are still wondering why no one loves you, then you have not been reading through with an open heart.

You have not been loved by the right person. And you have exaggerated your feelings and mental approach towards your circumstance. A whole lot of people love you! You just need to admit that.


© 2019 Jade George Anibor

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      11 months ago from Chicago

      "You are dating the wrong people over and over again." So true!

      If you're having one bad relationship after another it's probably time to reexamine your mate selection process/must haves list.

      The only thing all your failed relationships have in common is (you).

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our own mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      As for "attracting the wrong people" you can't help who finds you attractive. Halle Berry, Gigi Hadid, and Jennifer Lopez have millions of men attracted to them.

      It's all about who YOU are attracted to!

      Nothing happens until you say "yes" to someone.

      If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper"!

      Ideally you want to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship as you, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      The choice is up to us. Suffering is optional.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      One man's opinion! :)

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