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What is the binding cord of your relationship

Updated on October 18, 2015
Ngozi Ebubedike profile image

Ngozi Ebubedike, is a romance writer and a relationship consultant. she is passionate about people having a good relatioship

Three bases for relationship

In every intimate relationship love is a word used to cover variety of feelings and emotions, but believe me, it is not all intimate relationships that are engaged for the sake of love itself. Most are steeped in games of tricks and emotional exploitation. Be assured, for most people there is always a motive for going into any relationship

One’s intention towards the other forms the bases of a relationship. Relationships are based on three different motives, namely; pleasure, benefit and love. People come together to form intimacy either for pleasure, or for benefit or based on the emotions of true love and affection.

Relationship based on pleasure is motivated by passion and sexual gratification. One of the partners is only interested in the sexual pleasures, fun, and the idea of being in a relationship. No real deep emotional attachment and the personal attributes of the other person are of very little consequence. Such relationships have no root, and in most cases don’t last long.

Relationship based on benefit depends on what to be gained and the usefulness of one partner to the other. Personal constitution of the other person is of little importance; rather the chief concern is the benefits to be derived from the liaison. Materialism and social benefits are the bedrock on which this type of relationship is built. What runs through the mind of people in such relationship, what, do I stand to gain; personal satisfaction, business ties, social benefits or financial increase.

It’s to be noted that a relationship based on benefit or pleasure have mostly money and sex as the two key factors for the union. Many people confess love to have access to sex, while some for money and other taping of wealth. “I love You”, has lost its weight and value.

However, no matter where love is placed, both are transitory forms of relationship, they are contracted and regulated by feelings based on personal pleasures and gains of the moment. It has no depth and no future and when the motives for forming it are no longer realized it crumbles.

In this type of relationship love is not the binding cord, each have their individual motives which need to be fulfilled, where one’s desire is fulfilled and the other is unfulfilled then there is no fair play. The one with unfulfilled desires would feel cheated and would not want to remain in the relationship.

But relationship based on emotion of love and affection, is love that pours forth from one to the other irrespective of personality or possession. When two people love each other so greatly that it does not matter who the other is or what he/she possess, then they are in a state of love.

A psychoanalyst, Harry stack Sullivan defines the state of love as: “When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one’s own satisfaction or security then the state of love exists.”

True relationship is based on similarities of emotion and affection for each other. In every relationship, the motive behind the show of affection determines the genuineness of the relationship. In true love based relationship, to love is more important than being loved. If the other person truly loves you as well, the same feelings will be reflected towards you, it becomes a union of love, where love is giving for love. However, any time each party feels he/she is not getting enough of that love, the relationship is in jeopardy of disintegration too.

Intimate relationship based on love should have no bounds, should know no restrictions and should not be limited by conditions. Real intimacy between like minds of noble intentions is like an open sea which starches endlessly.

Honestly ask yourself, what are the motives behind the relationship you are into presently? The answer you get is the binding cord of your relationship.

© 2015 Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe


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    • Ngozi Ebubedike profile image

      Ngozi Ebubedike Ahumibe 2 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      Melissa Jones, thanks for stopping by.

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      Melissa Jones 2 years ago

      Wao! You just made my day with this wonderful write up....