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What Turns Men On

Updated on December 19, 2010

What turns men on about women? I am not referring to sexually, however men are highly sexual beings and are very visual. It is important for women to understand men and not expect them to be mind readers or be interested in the same things that women are. A man may not share outwardly or publicly his desires and likes, but he has them.

A good woman can learn those things about a man by getting to know him and conversing on an equal level. Too many women do most of the talking and do not let a man share his opinions.

What do men want from women? There is no one set answer because not all men are alike, but below are some general ideas of what men basically are attracted to in women.


Men desire women who take pride in their appearances. It is not necessary to be ‘dressed to the hilt' all the time, but it is important that a woman knows how to keep herself neat and look good. Not just for him but for herself also.

Part of that appearance factor is women who are healthy and not overweight. Some extra weight is natural, it is not the norm to look like a model and most men actually like more to their women than just skin and bones. The models and actresses look fine in print and on the big screen, but most men realize (or should realize) that average women are NOT size Two's!


No man likes a selfish woman, always wanting more and never satisfied. Men desire women who are equal partners in the relationship. Most men will avoid women who have very expensive tastes and only expect the highest priced gifts or things in the home.

Basically men desire women who are practical for the most part. It's not wrong for a woman to want nice and decent gifts and things in her life. And women need to realize that men do not read minds, they need to be shown or taught the things that she likes or dislikes.

Self Respect

Men love women with high self-esteem not doormats that look to him for every single decision. Someone who is firm, decisive and kind is be a great combination to attract men. However, women who are VERY independent and never look to her man for help in making decisions is a turn off. Men are by nature are the ‘hunter / gatherer' and ‘caretaker' of the woman, the protector so to speak. And while a man loves his woman to have high self esteem he also desires her to value his opinions and decisions.


No one likes a complainer or whiner, male or female! Positive attitudes are attractive to anyone. Someone who sees the glass half full not half empty is someone that a man can partner with in life and feel he can accomplish much with. Someone who is negative or always complaining is someone he can never satisfy and he will eventually give up on the relationship.

Men love any woman with who they can relate with easily, at an equal level. Confidence, and friendliness, these qualities are appreciated. However they do not typically look for a woman who is ‘one of the guys' so to speak. Those women become a man's friend, buddy or pal, rarely are they their choice for a mate. There are exceptions to that rule however! Men are just as different as women in their preferences and desires.


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    • profile image

      temeka7 6 years ago

      I've been married 4 years and my husband's been telling me this stuff all along and I didn't "GET IT" until now. Weird. What is it about hearing from a neutral, third-party stance that made it click?!

      I'm very independent, opinionated and "in charge". He's expressed he feels hurt that I'm "bossy". NOW, what he said makes sense....Next.

      I'm married to Tim the Tool man Taylor. If he fixes it, it's broke worse. Where I know *I* can actually fix the faulty radiator hose, yet he insists on doing it. He "tries" to be the *ape grunt* man and I tell him to just let me do it, cuz I've done it before. Wow, emasculating, but shoot, we can't afford to do the job twice...that's my logic. Guess I should praise him for his strengths, too. Praise, praise, praise. Heard it takes 10 compliments to undo 1 put down....NEXT!

      Value his opinion. Wow, there's a wake up call. I, typically, devalue his opinion in our home, because I'm the housewife. This is my place of work. Do it how I want it cuz I'm the one who has to deal with it 24/7. No wonder he forgets to take out the garbage. He is a stranger in his own home, why should he care? He has no voice here. Might as well be entry level if he were comparing it to work. Of course he's going to slack off, not care...why should he? He's not getting a voice!

      Now, with that all said, I've never had a problem with his appeal for me, he's always desired me physically, but the emotional connection disappeared. My husband is a "keeper". He would never stray he simply has simply stepped back emotionally. Which begins the vicious cycle. I'm upset cuz he's not doing A,B,C (emotional connection). He withdraws further and participates less in A,B,C because he, as far as he can tell, will only fail anyway.

      It truly will take self discipline on my part because I grew up with a widowed mother. My father died when I was 6, so I know only the strong, independent, can-do-it-all women. I'm wondering where to put these reminders up so he doesn't see them and take them as just going through the motions, because they are genuine acts, if I can just remember to do them! *I* (the I'll do it better type) come so naturally!

      interesting I found this from, what 4 years ago? couldn't help but comment. Hopefully to solidify my enlightenments for myself! Perhaps, someone else may relate...glad only 2 weeks ago someone else responded. Are there missing posts from the comments? did it seem like some were missing to anyone else?

    • profile image

      coolforcats 6 years ago

      Naturally girls are looking for a big strong provider and protector...I think men just want to impregnate us...and keep us in a cave. I don't know!!!

      In regard to these selfish partners I don't see why one of them didn't ask the other if the sex is good. Obviously someone wasn't having fun...Or take initiative and tell them to do what makes it feel good. I cant imagine the guy refusing to do it, surely that makes the sex better for him. Id be askin what's up...or not up.

    • mistifields profile image

      mistifields 6 years ago

      Great write. Women always need to be reminded what makes men find them attractive. So many of us focus only on our looks when trying to impress. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      bebe 8 years ago

      ok..just being nice to everyone is very turn on!

    • profile image

      Tanya 8 years ago

      To Bustyblueeyes: My boyfriend likes me to make all the moves so i do and i suggest you try it too!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      bustyblueyes 8 years ago

      you know, my relationship is awsome outside the bedroom. its in the bedroom that the problem rises. he is very affectionate and flirty all the time. when in the bedroom i flirt sometimes to get him going, but most of the time we don't have sex. i ask him why its like that and he says he don't know. stressed out or tired he says sometimes. please help me....its been 3 months since ive had sex with him. its weird because he makes me the center of his life and that's the way he likes it. we have been together for over 3 years. what is up?

    • profile image

      Merle 8 years ago

      Great tips but I do need more excitement in the bedroom. Women want more "lovemaking" and men love raunchy sex

    • profile image

      regina 9 years ago

      The list is true. From my recent experience, men love a woman who is herself. She is down to earth, but she holds her own. She is no push over, but she is still a lady and in control of self. When a woman is truly herself, I find that my sexuality comes out naturally. I am very sexy, he says! Ha! Ha! I feel sexy myself because I can be who I am.

    • profile image

      goddess 9 years ago

      this was really good,i would like to add focus on his good qualities instead of the bad ones. Then he will naturally want to better himself for you.

    • profile image

      Jeanette 9 years ago

      I love your list. Very reasonable. Could I just add a couple more things? How about making sure you have your own interests, whether it be some form of art, sports, volunteer work, career, etc. Also, how about adding taking a real interest in your husbands life as well (his job, learning about a sport that he loves, etc.). Also, husbands loved to be appreciated in words as well.

    • profile image

      claire 9 years ago

      lol ryan ditto

    • profile image

      Kimberly 9 years ago

      I couldn't have said it better myself. Excellent verbal expression.

    • profile image

      ryan 9 years ago

      shera you sound like a confused feminist

    • profile image

      Confused 9 years ago

      This article is great except i don't have a problem out of the bedroom our relationship is excellent. We do however want different things in the bedroom and this is where we strongly disagree on things. But if you sit back and think i did all that was in this article i wouldn't have a problem in the bedroom except i would need to be a bit more exciting. So any articles on how to be exciting in bed would be greatly appreciated.

    • profile image

      shera 9 years ago

      Hi mysexlifeibad

      "ask your partner to stop his affair with that second woman"

      don't trust him !

    • profile image

      Ananta65 9 years ago

      You may want to add intelligence to your list ;)

    • docjim505 profile image

      docjim505 10 years ago from No. Carolina

      And women say that we men are hard to figure out! Looks like you've got us figured out pretty well.

      Good article.

    • elinorrigby9 profile image

      elinorrigby9 10 years ago


    • elinorrigby9 profile image

      elinorrigby9 10 years ago


    • Ellie McHale profile image

      Ellie McHale 10 years ago from Menlo Park

      Great article! Thank you for posting it.

    • profile image

      mysexlifeibad 10 years ago

      for a first i cant get my man too even look at me, and the only time he would show affection is when he wants something in the bedroom. i would like it if you know any sites where it would give me tips on men and how they like to treated. thank you and this site is good for me but i need a range of answers. thank you from a woman in need.

    • Athlyn Green profile image

      Athlyn Green 10 years ago from West Kootenays

      You've offered some good insights that have a good practical application for improved relationships.

    • profile image

      Amanda 10 years ago

      This is very sound advice. Very true!


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