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When He Doesn't Make You Happy Anymore

Updated on June 27, 2019
EvieSparkes profile image

Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.

Is He Making You Miserable or Just Not Making You Happy?

I ask this question because there is a distinct difference here. If your partner or husband is doing things that upset or hurt you that is one thing. If however, he is not performing to your expectations and is not jumping through hoops to make you happy then that is another.

Ask yourself why you are feeling this way. Has his behaviour changed lately or have tour expectations changed? Are you expecting him to do more, say more, be more than his was before simply because your feelings have changed.

Often when we change over time so do our wants and needs. However, it isn't the responsibility of your other half to keep your spirits up. That responsibility lies with you. Giving that responsibility to someone else is unfair. They probably can't measure up to your new expectations anyway.

Dissatisfaction is what this is. That is okay. We can't help changing and sometimes our own personal development means our other half gets pushed to one side because we think he isn't what we want anymore.

Talk to Your Partner

Talking is always a positive action when it comes to resolving relationship issues. What you don't want to do is go on and on about all of the things he doesn't do in order to make you happy, or indeed all of the things he does do that have become irritating.

The thing is, some of us branch out, we start doing new things, we meet new people and we change. We may not know that we have changed but we have none-the-less. Often our partners are the same. They haven't changed. They haven't become anything less. We just blame them because it feels as if it's them. We don't realise that it is us that has changed.

You might ask your partner to join you in your new activities or suggest doing something together that you might both find fun. If you just let this rot set in then it will forge a foundation that will be tough to dig up. I am a firm believer that you get what you give. If you are sulky and distant then he will become the same. He will likely be confused and have no idea what he is doing wrong.

What Can You Do To Make Yourself Happy?

That's the real question. What can you do and what can you realistically change to find happiness from within?

When we give someone else the responsibility for our happiness we have no control over it. It's as if we're giving all of our amazing power away to someone who has no idea how to use it.

Becoming happy all by yourself will probably solve the issue in your relationship because you will be open to doing things for him instead of expecting him to step up and be everything to you.

Inner happiness and a sense that you are alright and will be still, even if you are alone is what will help you to move on either with your current partner or without him.

If you can work on yourself first and get some perspective you are at least half way to making an intelligent decision about your future together.

Are you Prepared For Change?

Either way, whatever you decide then change is on the way. Don't sit with this feeling and let it grow. Deal with it and make the decision to love yourself and stop expecting someone else to love you more than that.

If you really do know deep down that you are no longer in love with your partner then it's best to be honest. Make sure it's how you really feel though and not a result of your dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it can be difficult to tell. We just assume it's all someone else's fault.

Sometimes we do just fall out of love. It's nobody's fault. It happens. It's the way that you deal with it that will make all of the difference. Treating your partner with respect and kindness when you are thinking about ending your relationship will not make it any easier on him at first but if you keep that up then hopefully he will let you go with kindness.

Don't rush this decision. Make sure that you really are at the end of the road and that there is no way back. I know you can never fully know, but have a good idea at least. You don't want to look back with regret. Maybe there is a way that you can be happy together. Both of you making an effort might just do the trick. It's not fair to moan to yourself and your friends if you aren't doing anything to mend what you have or not telling him how you feel.

Can You Imagine Better Things With Him?

Do you daydream about things being better? Do you imagine how it would feel to be in a good place with him? If you do wonder how to get it back or think about things being good then you are possibly still in love. It's when the thought of being with him for another five years scares the hell out of you that you have to be concerned about where the relationship is headed.


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