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When It's Time to Just Let Go

Updated on July 31, 2017
Vane A Arias profile image

Sometimes when you love something or someone so much it can be confused with an addiction or even an obsession...

Love or Addiction?

It's safe to say we've all had our good relationships and our bad ones. We learn from them, and we try to better ourselves for the next one....at least some of us do. When we keep failing at relationships over and over again have we ever considered that maybe the problem is us, and not the other person?

Well let me tell you about my good old friend Arnold. A nice guy in his early 30's, steady job, overall nothing to complain about. But the one thing was, Arnold didn’t have the best track record with women –at least not after his break up with his high school sweetheart. He had no wife, no kids, no girlfriend, not really anyone. He was getting a bit impatient in finding his life partner and wasn't having much luck. He tried hitting the bars, online dating, he tried pretty much everything and nothing seemed to work.

Then one day, when he least expected, along came Margaret who he met on Facebook. He found her attractive even though she was a bit older than him. What began as an innocent chat on Facebook soon led to an exchange in cell phone numbers to then officially meeting in person and eventually sleeping together. Arnold felt a real connection with her but later found out Margaret was married and had a son. Every other person would have walked away in an instant, but by the time Arnold found out all this, he was already too emotionally involved.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of that person you think you love...
Sometimes it's hard to let go of that person you think you love...

The problem was that Arnold met Margaret at a weak point in her life. She was having marital problems and was in need of “comfort”. When Margaret needed someone to talk to, Arnold was there for her. When she needed a favor because she couldn’t depend on her husband, he was there for her. When the husband wasn’t around to be a father to his son, Arnold was there for that too. But the moment things were fine with her and her husband, she would drop Arnold in a second. Not only that, she prohibited him from contacting her so her husband wouldn’t suspect.

Eventually the day came when Margaret told Arnold that he needed to completely disappear from the picture. She noticed her husband wanted to work on their marriage so she decided to focus on fixing things permanently with him and in order for that to happen she would have to cut the cord with Arnold for good. As if he never came into her life, as if he no longer existed. This was crushing to him because he had invested so much time in trying to get her to fall in love with him. But even though Margaret made it very clear she could never see or speak to him ever again, Arnold put it in his mind that he wasn't going to give up on Margaret. He was going to keep trying to make her fall in love with him. He wasn't ready to let her go. He was determined to go after her and make her his. This is the point where I knew Arnold had become obsessed. It's true what they say, sometimes if you love someone or something so much, you should just let them go. But Arnold couldn't. He would continue to contact her even though she was completely ignoring him. He even began to show up at her job to try and see her. That's when things turned for the worst.

She warned him to never show up again because she could get in a lot of trouble at work. She reiterated to him that she was a happily married woman and he was to leave her alone and move on. So what did he do? He would start following her in his car and would leave love letters on the windshield of her car!

This is when things took a turn for the worst...
This is when things took a turn for the worst...

At this point he was crossing the line. Wasn't it clear to him that she wanted nothing to do with him? No matter what anyone said to him, he was convinced that he could get her. He would think to himself - "one day she will have a change of heart", and “she'll come to her senses” and "she will see that I am the real deal". And guess what? She never did. This toxic cycle just kept repeating itself for almost 2 years! So you want to know how he was finally able to let her go? It took him eventually meeting a new girl at work to do so, but the sad part is, history was about to repeat itself...

To be continued...

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    • Vane A Arias profile image
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      Vanessa 9 days ago from Naples, Florida

      Absolutely! Someone can become so attached and then it's like he/she can't see their life any other way even if he/she is miserable. Unfortunately, change is just a scary thing for most people and they'd rather stay on their state of misery than change for the better.

    • Emilea Andrews profile image

      Emilea Andrews 13 days ago from UK

      getting attached is what causes difficulty to let go, i used to rely on people and couldnt let them go, i learned a lot since, thanks!

    • Vane A Arias profile image
      Author

      Vanessa 2 weeks ago from Naples, Florida

      @Dashingscorpio - thank you so much for your insight! Yes, I couldn't have said it better myself - all our relationships have one thing in common and that us. Sometimes people are too caught up with the situation and fail to notice the problem could be themselves. Excellent quotes!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 weeks ago

      "When we keep failing at relationships over and over again have we ever considered that maybe the problem is us, and not the other person?" - Great insight!

      Each of us (chooses) our friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our own "boundaries" and "deal breakers".

      If someone is experiencing one bad relationship after another it's probably time they reexamine their mate selection process.

      The only thing all of your relationships have in common is (you).

      Nothing happens until you say: "Yes!"

      With regard to Arnold I would say he needs a reality check.

      In order for Margaret to be "the one" she would have to see (him) as being "the one"! At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      When someone tells you to disappear they don't think you're special. Thankfully there are (7 Billion) other people on earth!

      Every ending is a new beginning!

    • Vane A Arias profile image
      Author

      Vanessa 2 weeks ago from Naples, Florida

      Thank you so much for your testimony @Marrymadelene22! I appreciate you sharing your story and so happy to hear your relationship with your husband is now stronger than ever. You never gave up on your marriage and that is really encouraging to hear especially to those that might be going through something similar. You are absolutely right, anything and everything is possible!