- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
When Relationships Get Serious
This blog is for men and women in a relationship. When your at the point where you feel its getting serious and you can't help but thinking am I ready? Why do i feel this way? Where do we go from here? Do they even feel the same? I am a true believer that not just women think or feel this way. Men do too. It is so deflating to me the sterotype's that say men don't question the relationship or don't feel. With that being said, you are not alone. It is true that men and women may reach that point quicker or maybe even take longer to get to that point. It does happen though. I want this article to be sort of like a blueprint for what your feeling and why. Also some signs to look for if your partner is feeling the same.
What you maybe feeling
You maybe feeling like everything is fine and you don't want to rock the boat with questions about where this is going. You may feel like your not really 100 percent sure if you really want to "commit" to the relationship just yet. Or that your ready to settle into a nest with this person and make them your number one priority. If your mindset is along these lines then believe me when I tell you, your not wrong to feel that way. It is really just matter of timing and how you present your case that will determine the outcome. Let me start with somethings you should NOT do. First, you shouldn't just outright blurt out in the middle of a relaxed conversation that you want to know where this is going. OR say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Now even if you are in love, the word love envokes a lot of emotions. Sometimes the other person may get afraid or think you have submitted to them. You have to understand they may or not have good intentions. You may think they would understand or not use you but in reality its like playing a game of poker. If you show your hand to early then that gives the other person time to plot and plan how to use what you have against you. Meaning you lose. Now with that being said let me say how you should go about it. First, despite the rumors that sex loosen people up to conversations like these you really shouldn't do that. In fact if you do you may get answers to shut you up for the time being. Instead you should hang out like you always do and before you get intimate say you want to confess something. Then easily go into saying that your happy with them but you really need to know how they feel. Don't accept an answer like I'm happy or were good. Just tell them that as fun as it is you really feel that you can see this having more. Please for the love of heavens, if they ask you to go into what more is for you, don't say marriage. That is a quick way for women who are afraid of it and men who feel the same to end your relationship. Marriage is way to serious to just drop on someone. Despite the rumors you should be straight forward etc. I have tried this and watched others try it, it leads to you being alone. Especially if he or she isn't ready or want to be. Or you getting toyed along like a fool. Again never ever show your full hand yet. Now the second NO-NO is saying you want babies with them. This truly is as crazy as it sounds. Instead you should say that you want a deeper connection with that person. For example, you want to be confident that you know what their goals in life are. How they feel about relationships. Most importantly what they want out of the relationship.
Side Note To Readers!
As an adult I am saying this as a side note because it should be said. Those questions ARE questions you should ask and be confident in BEFORE you sleep with that person. Although I know things happen. I'm not some sheltered chick from the hills. I understand that sometimes the sex comes before you really ask these questions for whatever reasons. I just have to state for the record you should know who your dealing with before you have sex with them. I think you all would agree that after you have sex as great as it maybe it changes the flow of things. If you already did have sex, i'm not judging you. In fact I can tell you I've been their and done that. It just at some point when your feeling your in love or somewhere near it these questions should be asked and you should be confident that you know what they want and you know what you want and that based on the answers your somewhere in the middle and can work together to make it happen. If you don't feel that way after the conversation then it really is time no matter how hard it maybe for you to think of yourself. You have to understand if they don't feel the same can you wait until they do. Or based on their answers are they even ready to try to get their? If not then you need to really think about if you accept this and it doesn't work out and your left heartbroken can you really blame that person? They by their answers will let you know if its only a matter of time before they head for the door or if they really are looking. Remember their are people who play the game of pretending they want a future but don't. You have to look at not just their words, but their behavior as well. What are they currently doing to improve on your relationship or their goals in life? The bottom line of the story is when in a relationship don't go all in too soon. You have to look at it for what it really is. An investment. You wouldn't go to a bank and invest all your life savings into a fund you know nothing about just because the sales person made it look good would you? If so then well that is foolish. You have to know everything and be confident before you proceed with a relationship. Trust me, it isn't just about words. Anyone can tell you how beautiful you are, how nice you are, how successful you are, how good your sex is. Only someone who is invested in you will SHOW you with actions and their behavior and words how much they mean it.
Signs Of Interest
Now men and women since the dawn of ages and so on have shown signs of love and interest in the opposite sex differently. Although when you put it all together their really are some signs that stand out that show love and interest towards the other person.
1. They Make Time For You. Yes it is true everyone gets busy and have a life outside the relationship. Although it is not unreasonable that they make the time and effort to just let you know they are thinking about you. It can be a text message or phone call or email however they communicate they let you know how they are doing. When they get a chance they spend time with you and make it mean something.
2. They Listen to you. When I say listen I don't mean they sit and hear what you say and then blow you off. I mean they really listen to how you feel and have some understanding. They really try to help you when you need it. They really give you advice when you need it. They are a person you can trust to listen to you.
3. They take charge. I'm again not talking about being the head of the relationship. I'm talking about when their is a problem you have either with them or something to do with them. They take care of the problem. They work on either your behalf or behalf of themselves to make the problem better and not worse. This is very important because the person who doesn't really care will half fast you and the problem. They won't work at it they will try to sweep it under the rug. The person who cares for you will work at it. They will OWN it.
4. They have clear goals for themselves. You just can't stay with someone who has no goals for their future. It will leave you empty when you advance or when you want more. They have to have clear goals of what they want in life. Oh and actually be working towards them. They accept working hard towards what they want. They are mature in matters of the future.
5. They treat others with respect and they treat them self with respect. For any relationship to be successful and advance you have to have respect. Before you go deep with someone really look at how they treat other people. If they are always disrespectful towards others or have no regard for anyone is that someone you want to take home? They should treat and respect themselves enough to stand up for what they believe in but not beat others down just because they have a different view. You can give someone respect and if they treat everyone else bad they will take your respect for them for weakness. Then you will be just another person they can push around. Is that how you want to live? Respect is very important and if they are disrespectful towards the world then its only a matter of time before you become part of that world they disrespect.
6. Honesty. Now the reason I am putting this down is because it kind of goes without saying. Now when someone is honest with you it doesn't always mean it will be positive. You have to be willing to accept that their will be things that you do that irk's the other person. You have to be willing to accept that you may not hear what you want. Their is something in my opinion to be said of the guy or female that is openly honest and tells you that they are not ready for what you are offering. I actually find that is very mature and respectful not to lead someone on. I think the same of the person who says this is not working out for x amount of reasons. Take it for what it is when you have someone like this. Feedback. Use it to improve. Their is no reason to get into a screaming match with anyone. If it works great, if not then leave it alone. Period. Being honest is not as easy as I am typing it out. It really is hard because you know that person has feelings and it may turn out ugly. Although that should never stop you from saying how you feel because repressed emotions is more ugly than anger. It never ends well. So enjoy someone's honesty and thank them for it. Even if you don't agree.
At the end of the day really ask yourself do want to be with this person? If so why? If you don't have clean meaningful reasons why then proceed with caution if at all. I was once told by a male that had his own issues clearly but had gifts of wisdom here and there. That relationships don't fail, we stop trying. I have to agree with this statement. When one person stops trying to advance the relationship and the other does you get to a place where your 5 steps ahead and their 5 steps behind. So it doesn't work out. Its called growing apart. It happens a lot. I think that if you give yourself and your relationship goals and inspire to them it can work out beautifully. Although you have to be on the same page as the other person. I hope that if your relationship is getting serious that you take a moment out of your life and think about what you need and want. I hope this article has helped you and if you want to leave a comment at the bottom of the page you can do so. Thank you for reading and take care. :)