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When Women Drink Secretly

Updated on July 9, 2020
Many women drink in secret. They hide their addiction from family and friends.
Many women drink in secret. They hide their addiction from family and friends.

The Hidden Secret

Her day begins at 5:30am. She hurries to get everyone to school and to work. In the kitchen while making breakfast she turns on the water so no one hears the pop of the can she pours into her glass. She downs the beer in a rush before anyone comes in. She feels the calm, relaxing, feeling sweeping over her body. It soothes her nerves, makes her day a little more bearable. No one knows, no one imagines that she could be hiding such a secret.

The area she lives in is dry so during the day she pays a neighbor to bring her a few cans. She needs the calmness, the feeling of smoothness, taking the edge off. She lives in a world of emptiness and loneliness. The alcohol fills the void. It takes the space of the hole in her heart. The ability of being able to cope with the stresses of everyday, the husband, the kids, the house, life in general.

To everyone she's the perfect wife and mother, if they only knew.

The trash is always taken out, the house smells of room deodorizer, not so much to keep the place spotless as to dispose of the empty cans before anyone comes home. The cans are hidden in the laundry hamper, in the linen closet or in the cabinet behind boxes of food.

She has her liquor hidden in the bookcase, in her cosmetic carrier, or in her lingrie drawer. No one ever has an idea of the secret shes hides so well. She stays mostly in isolation at home. She keeps a bowl of mints on the coffee table in case anyone drops by. She brushes her teeth 6-7 times a day and chews gum or candies throughout the day.

The saddness, anger and desperation she feels still simmers under the guise of the alcohol, compounded by the loneliness. Her head aches and she takes way too many aspirin even though she knows its a bad combination. Its hard to get up in the mornings and even harder to fall asleep. Life without her secret would be unbearable. She slips into a long hot bath and opens another drink to help relax. Her husband works long hours so he doesn't notice, too caught up in his own problems. When the kids are home she pours her drink into a bightly colored cup that doesn't let them see. She still manages to get supper done, the laundry, the house perfect, she even has the time and energy to help the kids with their homework, and her personal apperance immaculate. Everyone wonders where she gets the time or the energy. By looking at her, they would never guess. Its her own little secret.

The Reality

Many women drink when they are alone at home and are able to hold it together, others don't fare so well. Many are able to keep up appearances while others slowly watch their lives fall apart in front of them.

Many are unable to keep appointments, keep up with their children and housework and other daily things that require attention.

If you are as we say a closet drinker ans find yourself making excuses for not doing things, having to re-schedule appointments because your too hungover or buzzed, this is a sign you are in trouble. Seek help, counseling, a friend, but get help. Don't put your children at risk or leave them to fend for themselves.

There is a reason you are doing this, find out what it is, You can fool a lot of people but you are really only fooling yourself. Call or go to AA, it is available online now. Speak to your clergy, anyone you trust,

This type drinking is not social, it is done in secret for a reason.

Three years later

Well, I guess you can only keep a secret for so long. I have been a closet drinker since I was a teen but somehow managed to keep it together until it all fell apart. My husband was released from prison a year ago after being gone for 12 1/2 years. I must say it has not been the smoothest transition. I guess things change. Where as before I drank to have fun and party now it's every day and starting at 8 am. I no longer try to hide it. I guess I have reached that point where I don't care. I have fallen several times, dislocated my shoulder, the last time knocked myself unconsciousness and had to be taken to hospital by ambulance. I know it's no good, I grew up in an alcoholic home but the stress, the pressure is overwhelming.i do love him and I realize it won't go back to normal overnight but I'm not sure how long I can take it. I lost my mother in April and from there everything went to hell. The drinking increased and so did the I don't give a damn.

The very sad part is I am an intelligent woman but can not seem to find the strength to go on. I went to rehab 7days and stopped and bought a 12 pack as soon as i got out. There is a reason women drink. The sad thing is we usually keep it to ourselves.

God Bless !!

Doing the right thing

So I have been sober for a year now so has my youngest daughter. I am very proud of myself and her. I wish I could get back the years I lost in my alcoholism. I keep trying to find a reason and can't. I think of all the places and times I hid my drinking or thought I was hiding it. the breaking point for me was christmas 2 years ago when i was invited to my daughters home for christmas and due my alcoholism i ruined it. I said things that can never be taken back and neither she nor I will be able to forget.

My life is so much better. I enjoy everyday but My reason for updating this article is to tell others in the same position to get help. my AA meetings and sponsor is my lifeline. Women drinking is not as accepted as men so I went to extreme measures to hide my drinking. This made it hard for anyone to help me. Please reach out. I am enjoying my life as a sober wife and mother for the first time in years.


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    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas


      Thank you for your kind comment and the email you sent me. I have written much lately as in the winter it is very difficult to handle bipolar disorder. I hope to start again soon. Thanks so much for reading and God bless you.

      Warmest regards,


    • LaiLai29 profile image


      10 years ago

      This story hit very close to home for me. I can relate all to well. Thank you for sharing it.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Dallas Texas


      The only thing I will say to you is that you could use alot of education. Alcoholisim is an addiction, as are prescription drugs, illegal drugs and even shopping. People have many different reasons for drinking, but the last thing they need is someone to call them names and bash them instead of reaching out to help. I was clean and sober 35 years until my husband was incarcerated then i felt lost. I am now finishing my masters in criminal justice despite my mental illness and have been sober again for three months. I would have hated for you to be the one I asked for help. Let he who halth no sin cast the first stone!!

      God bless You,


    • profile image


      10 years ago

      its just wrong, women who drink at home all day are losers. they are destroying their children's lives, their husband's life and committing an act of self-abuse each and everyday they live a lie. they live a life of lies and deceit. this story only has 1 ending - divorce, and loss of her children, as no judge on earth will grant custody of children to a piss-tank without morals. Eventually the 'alcoholic' becomes obsessed with drinking and it consumes everything they do, everyday becomes all about getting another drink. good luck for anyone living with a piss-tank, my advice - leave early, leave fast and don't look back! Alcoholism is a life-disease for which their is No Cure. Very few alcoholics ever stop drinking, they typically only reduce their intake of booze, so get out of the marriage/relationship whatever as quick and clean as you can before it gets worse becuase it always does.

    • profile image

      jo jo 

      10 years ago

      I drink because it makes me happy and the loniless goes away.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from Dallas Texas

      On bad days when I can't secret is always there to get me through. The bad days are more than the good and drinking with bipolar disorder is devastating. But lately I am finding myself lost. The day begins at 5:30 and it never ends, its almost like as soon as I close my eyes to sleep it's time to wake up and start over. I know the destruction of drinking on a family, it caused both physical, menatl, and sexual abuse in my family...but after all whats left?


    • heart4theword profile image


      11 years ago from hub

      I worked with someone, who would put liquor in their coffee. I never knew it until one day, I was standing close enough to smell it? I asked must be my imagination, but I thought I smelled alcohol on my supervisor's breath? It was 8:00 in the morning? Come to find out, others knew it, yet I guess didn't say anything, after all it was our boss?

    • pmccray profile image


      11 years ago from Utah

      I'm the product of two alcoholics, unfortunately they did nothing to hide their problem which continued with me and my sister. My father has passed away, but my mother has been sober for over 20 years as me and my sister. It is a silent disease and can spread through generations, my grandmother was a heavy drinker too. Excellent hub and subject matter.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      11 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Great hub,

      Alcohol is such a deceiver,it affects many families, rich and poor.

      God Bless You

    • profile image

      Tammy Lochmann 

      11 years ago

      I grew up in an alcoholic environment too Chris...Hope all is well with you.

    • christalluna1124 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Hey Bean,

      So good to see you again. Thanks foe reading this hub. I am the child od an alcoholic and thank God he has also been sober for over 20 years, unfortunately not soon enough for me to learn that it wasn't normal. I have found that during the periods of severe depression the lure of alcohol can be almost irresistable and in mania worse. And yes the secret does unravel and life becomes unmanageable. Even though you may take tremendous steps to hide it, someone will always notice and children aren't as naieve as we were as children. Again its so good to hear from you again.

      Warmest regards always,


    • crazybeanrider profile image

      Boo McCourt 

      11 years ago from Washington MI

      This is unfortunately sad. You just described my mother. Except one day the secret unraveled and she wasn't able to hide it anymore. We found her stash, and as kids thought booze in the laundry and toy box was normal. I am proud to say she has been sober for 20 years years now. Very touching hub. Expressed with great emotion and openness.


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