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When You Don’t Trust the One You Love

Updated on September 9, 2010
We Have to Figure This Out
We Have to Figure This Out

Without Trust There's Nothing


Are you in a relationship where it seems like there is no trust, but, it’s for no apparent reason? You feel like you are pulling your hair out wondering what you have done or how you might have presented yourself for your mate not to trust you. You say over and over to your beloved one, “You don’t trust me for no reason at all. I’ve never cheated, lied, snuck out on you or any other unfaithful things we see happening today.” Maybe your mate’s mistrust of you is because of their own secrets or insecurities. You get tired of being under a magnified glass by your mate. Your own mind plays tricks on you and you begin to think, “Maybe I should give them something to find, something spectacular so they can have their proof of non-trust. They constantly look at you as if you hurt them, when really it’s their own mind that is making up scenarios of you.  You actually begin to wonder have you ever really committed this crime of unfaithfulness. The truth of the matter is your mate has a past of infidelity, cheating and lying way before you were in their life.


Ok, so now you are really sick and tired and are looking for a way out. It’s time to communicate! It’s time to have a heart to heart and really express what this is doing and dig deeper to see what the real issue is. Explain that there might have been times when there were others tugging at you and all you could think of was the love the two of you shared. Explain how you loved this person, even though they didn’t make you feel like you were number one on their list of priorities. If your relationship is going to continue and move forward it has to be agreed upon to forgive and forget. Help your mate to understand that without trust you have nothing. Relationships are built on trust and honesty. Have deep open conversation without either side getting upset. Remember you’re trying to find a reason for this feeling. You don’t want to give a reason to stay upset. Ask point blank questions of their past. Tell your mate to ask you point blank questions and to be specific and stick to finding out where it all started. While talking out the misunderstandings try and remain patient so you will continue to find out reasons why. If you remain calm, the lines of communication can remain open. Yelling and screaming never solve any problems; it causes anger to build up and the lines of communication to be cut off.


You have already notice your mate suddenly starting to change, the physical and the emotional is not the person you fell in love with. The jokes have turned short and cut dry. The smiles the two of you shared are seen less and less as you watch your loved one fade away from you. In order to fix these feelings, remember you two have to do it together. Stop and see the one you love has pain in their heart. Causing someone pain is not showing that you love someone. Why continue to fight against each other, there is so much anxieties in the world today to deal with. Wouldn’t you want someone to come home to and have peace? Someone to help you crowd out the negative thoughts and feelings of the day. Take time again to understand each other and continue to build a stronger foundation that will bring the trust back into your relationship.  


For the one accusing, talk out your insecurities with the one you love. They will never purposely hurt you. If something has been done to make your mate feel a certain way, assure them you will make every effort to show your love is only for them. However, the only way to get that trust back is to sit and talk, then forgive and forget. Bringing up old bad memories will not help to cure a relationship. Take a time out for the two of you and show you are stronger than the bad forces that are trying to pull your relationship apart. Fight for your relationship, fight for your love! Learn to trust again, and your relationship will be on the road to success.


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    • JillKostow profile image

      Jill Kostowskie 7 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Good Hub, I would like to add: If you are with a person in the PRESENT, you can not hold against this person things that have been done to you in the PAST by another person. Everyone is not the same, if one person cheated on you it does not mean the next person you are with will also cheat. You may end up losing a great relationship by carrying over problems from a past relationship to your current relationship!!!