- Gender and Relationships
When a Relationship or Marriage is Over
It is either hell or a sort of uneasy surrender to the inevitable.Usually the party want it, wants the whole mess to vanish in short order, while the rejected one, clings until it is pointless to do so, another surrender to the inevitable. Bitterness may or may not occur depending on the pain and hurt and reason for the end.
The longer it was, the harder it is for let go and move on. It may take months before one is "okay" with it. Love's rejection is knife-like, cuts deep. The longer it was, the more there is to deal with when the dividing up of belongings occur. It can be overwhelming. After years, a couple or family accumulates a lot of things. This is when the hell returns, depending on the items and people. It is a time when memory is jarred as to who "actually" bought it. Sometimes it is clear, other times, murky and leads to a fight. People dealing with emotion often fight over silly things- a table, a chair, a DVD. Sometimes, bargaining ensures when both parties want the same item- a TV, a computer, a car.
Then there are pets and kids. Always, heavily fought over usually. However, young kids may be more emotional about seeing Mom or Dad leaving despite promises of love and their return. It is a tear jerking moment those who experience it will never forget. Old kids, say 12+, are not so emotional. My theory is that it is because they hear about it on TV, DVD, movies, Internet and from friends. It is so common place they accept it. They know they are not the reason for the split up. They know they are in the middle and can work it to their advantage since the parents are no longer one. They know their parents love them and for them, they really have nothing to worry about. Yet, even for them, the house they are in IS different. A person is no longer there. Just having them in the room was fine, now, there is not even that. It is a weird disconnect for parents and kids, despite Facebook, Twitter, and texting (all these reduce the sense of loss and connection).
Change is always difficult to accept. The end of a relationship does offer new beginnings but only after the pain and darkness fade from that rejection. Sometimes, the couple ends up a friends, but more often they will not. An Ex is always an X.