When a Relationship or Marriage is Over
It is either hell or a sort of uneasy surrender to the inevitable.Usually the party want it, wants the whole mess to vanish in short order, while the rejected one, clings until it is pointless to do so, another surrender to the inevitable. Bitterness may or may not occur depending on the pain and hurt and reason for the end.
The longer it was, the harder it is for let go and move on. It may take months before one is "okay" with it. Love's rejection is knife-like, cuts deep. The longer it was, the more there is to deal with when the dividing up of belongings occur. It can be overwhelming. After years, a couple or family accumulates a lot of things. This is when the hell returns, depending on the items and people. It is a time when memory is jarred as to who "actually" bought it. Sometimes it is clear, other times, murky and leads to a fight. People dealing with emotion often fight over silly things- a table, a chair, a DVD. Sometimes, bargaining ensures when both parties want the same item- a TV, a computer, a car.
Then there are pets and kids. Always, heavily fought over usually. However, young kids may be more emotional about seeing Mom or Dad leaving despite promises of love and their return. It is a tear jerking moment those who experience it will never forget. Old kids, say 12+, are not so emotional. My theory is that it is because they hear about it on TV, DVD, movies, Internet and from friends. It is so common place they accept it. They know they are not the reason for the split up. They know they are in the middle and can work it to their advantage since the parents are no longer one. They know their parents love them and for them, they really have nothing to worry about. Yet, even for them, the house they are in IS different. A person is no longer there. Just having them in the room was fine, now, there is not even that. It is a weird disconnect for parents and kids, despite Facebook, Twitter, and texting (all these reduce the sense of loss and connection).
Change is always difficult to accept. The end of a relationship does offer new beginnings but only after the pain and darkness fade from that rejection. Sometimes, the couple ends up a friends, but more often they will not. An Ex is always an X.
Comments
AUTHORThanks for the input. How was the emotional side of things?
"Sometimes the couple ends up as friends...."
Of my 6 (countem six!) divorces, three ended up as friends, three did not.
Never had to do much bargaining with most of them, though. Just gave them "most everything" and started over. Did have one (#5) where it was a tad tricky figuring out the split because we had a sizeable business we'd built together. I finally came up with a version of the old trick: Dad telling one young brother to cut the big piece of pie into two halves...and the other brother gets to choose which half he wants.
That is, the gist of my offer was, hey, let's keep it simple. Whoever sells out gets 1/3 of the gross for however long the business remains viable, the person who aquired the whole shebang has all the expenses and hassles of running the thing but gets 2/3 of the total take--and you (ex) get to choose whether to buy me out or let me buy you out.
That was in the 5th year of the business's existence. She chose to sell out, took the no-hassle 1/3 in cash every month...and I managed to make money for both of us for 15 more years.
Kids...nah. Don't want to hijack your Hub.
Voted Up Plus.